The Eddikit Way To 
Entertain In Your Home 

Make sure your guests feel at home. 
Let them adjust the rabbit ears 
on the TV, and make the dog 
give up the couch. 
Take the trash out a couple of days 
before guests arrive. It is difficult 
to be witty when your nose burns. 
Do not continue ironing after 
guests arrive. 
Be careful about serving left-overs. 
A good rule of the thumb is, 
"If the dogs won't eat it, company 
probably won't either. 
If you have anything stuck in your 
teeth, do not take them out at 
the table. 
And if a guest is dominating the 
conversation, refrain from saying, 
"how  'bout putting some teeth in 
that hole." 
A centerpiece for the table should 
never be anything prepared by 
a taxidermist. 
Cover those nasty burn holes 
in the carpet with strategically 
placed old newspapers. 
Livestock should not be at the table. 
Once the food is served, try to avoid 
telling any stories about car wrecks, 
operations, or sick pets. 
Nothing ruins a good meal quicker 
than someone getting sick or 
sentimental at the table. 
It is considered bad manners to 
ask another at the table if they are 
gonna eat all their food and if not, 
take it off their plate. 
Remember to remain seated 
if you feel gas coming on. 
If the wine taste bad, do not spit 
it out and yell, "Somebody forgot 
to wash their feet before they stomped 
the grapes !" 
Do not pluck unwanted nose 
hairs during dinner. 
Do not brag about the "roadkill" 
you found for dinner. 
Do not use your pocket knife as a toothpick. 
If your guests overstay their welcome, 
it may be necessary to give them 
hints that it's time to leave. 
I  suggest  a gentle reminder such as, 
"Ya'll are either going to have to 
leave or chip in on the rent." 
Happy Dining...