Why can't we just let it go ?
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I come home from work in the middle of the night. The little green lamp on the answering machine is blinking frantically. When I play the single message that is on it I hear a toddlers voice, starting out with “aduh” followed by calling out “hello – hello” several times. Yeah, we all know who it is, and I wonder if these are his very first words or part of an already larger vocabulary. Being over 1? years already I guess it would be the latter one. It’s all leaving me quite confused, leading me into a restless sleep.

The very next morning I receive a call from the other person who relentlessly influenced the past 5 years of my life. “Hi, it’s me, she says”. I hadn’t heard from her in a week or so. After feeling to have reached some dead alley in December last year, I decided to cut off all contacts. I thought it would be better for everybody involved. But then she started calling again last month. Just like all these times before. Why can’t she just let it go, if she can’t make a right decision anyway ? But then again I also kind of crave for these phone-calls. Silly, isn’t it ? She keeps on pushing me to meet as friends, and so we did some 2 weeks ago. She’s got some weird definition of “friends”…

- What’s up ?, I say a bit grumpy.
- Well, nothing special really, actually I’m not doing so fine…
- Why, what happened ?
- Oh, never mind

One of those conversations again, and I’m really not in the mood. Someone’s leg is being pulled, and I’m afraid it’s mine… She ends the conversation just at the right time though, leaving ample time for speculation and at the same time not giving me an opportunity to verbalize my awkward feelings about the whole situation. I want to say something like “Real friends don’t have a secret agenda” or “Since you want us to be friends I feel I have the right to know what’s going on in your life”… Too late though, it’ll have to wait for next time, if there is one. Actually, I’m gonna confront her with this, since I have nothing to loose anyway.