Zoloft & Prozac
Mood:  blue
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
So strange it is sometimes in life. When we are single, in the end we are always hoping to meet that special person. The one you want to come home for. The one who understands you because she is on the same wave length. I was discussing this with one of the chaps in the surgery department. The funny thing is, I already met several persons who are so on my wavelength. But somehow mostly the chemistry is not there. Or there are reasons not to pursuit, or… whatever… Could it be that, when I finally get to meet a “normal”, reasonable person for a change, it feels so alien that I cannot make the switch or connection ? Also, what seems a bit frightening, is that the people who seem reliable, also often are not so challenging, whereas on the other hand the seemingly more dynamic people at the same time are less reliable…

In the meantime the past is catching up and turns out that nothing has changed basically. The same old nonsense or maybe even worse. And many, many, so many conflicts of interest. But apparently I have to change my mindset. A long late-night talk with S. made it clear that apparently I’m living in an unrealistic, naive dreamland. News-flash !!! Women are not romantic and Darwin’s theory is the applied form of female sense of rationale; all this time it’s been about survival of the fittest. Basically one of the major checkpoints is whether as a male you’ll be able to provide a financially stable situation for a family. Whereas I all that time was thinking that love between 2 people should be irrespective and independent of financial situation. Well, I’m not to blame; her husband has the same foolish thoughts as me apparently. Anyway, I was told that this would be the only form of rationale that I was to expect from women. For the rest they will try to play our mind in their most skilful ways… Waaahhh depressing, isn’t it ? Hold on here, I need to get my Zoloft? first, to increase the effect of the Prozac?… welcome to reality gentlemen, you can take of your pink sunglasses now….

traffic jam
Mood:  silly
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Took the little red tomatoe of my friend M. today for a spin... Why a little red tomatoe ? It's one of those neat little cars that can park anywhere but still do their fair bit of growling in the traffic (Oh, yeah, and it's red...). Ayo, this is the last time I ever took a car to Midvalley, or @ least on a sunday. A cab would have defenitely cost me less time... But of course, what to expect, it's a sunday and on top of that "Mega-sale festival" as well. That means it is time to stock up on underwear and socks ?? No la, just to get the easy-ironing shirt that now suddenly became affordable (I hate ironing, though I'm pretty skilled). Wanted to get another neat one with long sleeves, but.... yes, of course, my arms are too long. I'd better give up hope finding one here in Malaysia.
Anyway, finding a parking was hell, took me some 30-40 minutes ?! And while so I started thinking, how come that whenever there is a road accident, after all the involved people who pulled their cars on the side of the road, they always feel the need to flock around the injured car. Indeed like a flock of sheep they will start staring at this car;

She: “Mhhhh.. I think it’s a bump….”
He: “Yeah… could be….”
She: “It’s probably a new bump”
He: “ yeah…. And look, there is a scratch too….”
She: “Mmhhh….”
He: “Yeah…. It’s a bump….”
She: “Confirmative, a bump….”

The magic of car accidents….. Till the extent that they can even sometimes cause traffic jams from people passing by and feeling the strange urge to join in on the staring.
I got home only 3.5 hours later...

Shoe fairies
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Wow ! It’s been a while since I’ve been here, so my sincere apologies to all my (2? and of course you, Esther) faithful readers… Maybe I should re-install a new web-poll, to get some more positive feedback and thus motivation, what say you ?
Well, you know, everybody needs to take a time-out once in a while, just to get things back into perspective. In the meantime, nothing much happened here, except me working myself silly, so what else is new ? But of course, as we all know, life goes on and so do I. So does that mean we’ll get to see all the pictures finally ?? No, sorry to disappoint you, I still haven’t found a new proper website to put them on and the overall very nice Flickr? Tm-Tm only allows me 3 albums unless I sponsor their wallet of course.
So since I had nothing to write, I thought, why not mention that I really liked the movie I saw last weekend with M. I actually wanted to see this Hong Kong movie called “I’ll call you”, but it reminded me too much of my own miserable relationship attempts. I’m not gonna bother anyone with all that, you can find out later when I write my memoires (yes Reena, that’s pronounced as “memwars”, not as “memmoyrus”). So we went to this romantic, light-hearted comedy; “The Shoe fairy” about the girl who is obsessed with footwear. What is it that inevitably attracts some women to shoes, or handbags for that matter ? Mhh.. even after the movie I didn’t know, so remains to be seated and wait for my very own shoe fairy to come along. I just hope that it will not be an analogue of the way the dentist guy met the girl in his practise hahahaha……..

The crying game...
Mood:  blue
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
All been waiting for stories and pics of Phuket huh ?? Not a chance... busy crying my eyes out... Oops she did it again... My karma is BAAaaadddd man...

Mellow up....
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: (scary) hospital stories
Pfffhh... you're working on that letter again ?!! S. asks me, while she's eating the food that I tapau* for her... Yeah la, what to do... I had to mellow it up further... The thing is, my original opening for this letter in which I had to explain my absence on a meeting was " I wholeheartedly excuse myself for being - as always - on my post and doing what, unfortunately till today I'm still not being paid for, which is, my job...."
It was all just a bit too sarcastic. And especially now, cause this coming week, I'm gonna have to write the department a letter in which I need to request for money to visit the FIGO 2006 symposium in KL. You see, I submitted a poster presentation and it got accepted... And 600 US-bucks is a hefty fee to join a symposium just like that. I guess I can't piss them off first and then ask them for the money, even if they piss me off all the time...

Bookstore in Heaven
Mood:  lazy
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I’m resting on the couch, not fully recovered yet from the previous 27-hour shift and already stared a new one this morning. My feet are bungling over the armrest of this relatively comfy two-seater. I feel how I’m slowly drowsing away and my eyelids grow heavy. I close my eyes and feel how the wind is whirling around my feet, like a hungry dragon’s tongue. Rain is gonna come, and it’s gonna be a lot of rain, even though the sky still has the clear, light blue texture that one would never associate with an upcoming rain storm. Thinking about the movie I saw the other week… Such a great movie, I just had to put it on my "Fav Movie" list on the “About Me” page. I told my friend yesterday, if you see the list of my favourite movies and books, you’re probably halfway of knowing the essence of my inner life… Such a perfect love in that movie, showing me heaven the way it is supposed to be. But only in movies there is such a perfect love, unlike the messy situations I usually tend to create for myself.

Little vampires
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Everyday life (weirdness)
Lately the number of mosquitos seems to be on the rise, and I don’t know why. It is a fact however, that I regularly have to put up a fight to get through the night… why are they after me huh ? I guess we have to see it from the little vampire’s point of view; imagine you have been eating chocolate all your life and suddenly, one day, you see this giant vanilla ice cream. That must taste exotic for sure. So no need to put up a sign. So what to do then ? Last night I tried to fight them of by making them feel cold by means of the aircon. Major was the disappointment when it started running with the angry growl of a dog… slowly but surely the rattling monster came alive, it’s noise in decibels double the temperature. How to sleep like that huh ? The ceremony of turning on – turning of – turning on – faster – slower - turning of – turning on – faster – slower – faster – turning of – turning on – slower………..started and kept me busy for the next hour, till finally sheer exhaustion made me fall asleep after all.

Stop or I shoot !!
Mood:  blue
Topic: (scary) hospital stories
Dear Prof S, if you ever happen to read my silly weblog, than please know that I’m very sad and disappointed about the way I feel not being appreciated in general and you not letting me finish my sentence in particular. What I wanted to say just earlier is that brisk reflexes, just like headache (…..interrupted, telling me how foolish I am) and visual complaints are caused by cerebral oedema as part of the process of sequela that develop in pre-eclampsia. Being my usual self, I feel I needed to have that last word. If I turn out to be wrong, I’d happily be told so and also I’d be happy to hear the correct information. See, I’m willing to learn you know….

Am I pregnant ???
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Ayo? I don?t know what?s wrong with me? when I woke up this morning I didn?t fully realise what I?d been dreaming about this last hour of the night. There must be something really wrong with me, for I was dreaming I was about 8 months pregnant. Am I really too occupied with my work ?? I can recall that I had all these worries about the whole pregnancy and ? damned ? who got me pregnant in the first place, when only in the end I started to realise; ?Hey, I?m a guy, I cannot be pregnant even if I wanted to??. Oh, and did I mention I was wearing the most hideously looking shoes ?? My Iraqi friend told me it must be because I feel I?m carrying a burden? Well? of course, I could think of a couple of things to mention (which of course I won?t do here and now). Anyway, this all called for a scientific approach, so I went to roam the world wide webb? did you ever realise how many hits you get by just typing ?dream dictionary? in Google ??

"Pregnant"

To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal. If you are pregnant and having this dream, then it represents your anxieties about the pregnancy. In the first trimester, your dreams usually consists of tiny creatures, fuzzy animals, flowers, fruit and water. In the second trimester, your dreams will reflect your anxiety about being a good mother and concerns about possible complications with the birth. Dreams of giving birth to a non-human baby are also common during this period of the pregnancy. Finally, in the third trimester, you will tend to dream about your own mother.

Pregnancy has two points of entry into our DREAM lives. The first is dreaming of oneself as being pregnant. The second is that you actually become pregnant in waking life and that trigger event creates this particular dream content. In dreams, anyone can get pregnant. It is not an experience that is limited by gender or age. Generally, it is a herald of creativity, virility, or wealth. However, there are numerous underlying themes that need additional interpretation.

If you are a younger woman who dreams of getting pregnant, but has no waking intention of doing so, it is likely that you are working through an archetypal transition into a new self-awareness. One of Jung's archetypes is the archetype of parenting or preserving the species. To see oneself engaged in such activity is to grow from being a child to identifying more prominently with adults.

If you are sexually active, but without the intention for pregnancy, your dreams of pregnancy may occur in harmony with your monthly cycle. In these dreams, there may be a certain amount of "what-if" anxiety that needs resolution.

A man who dreams of being pregnant himself is often in a situation where his virility or creative participation in the world is in question. This occurs most among men who see themselves as less creative than they would like to be. The dream serves as a form of compensation to illuminate the more creative facets of their personality. Men who are pregnant do not give birth exclusively to children, but a wide range of objects that somehow support their mission in the world.

Becoming pregnant in waking life can conjure a huge variety of dream events. These range from the violent to the hilarious and almost everything in between. Since pregnancy conjures a wide variety of feelings in waking life, from euphoria to tremendous anxiety, this is not too surprising. Other dreams that are prevalent during pregnancy include dreams of marital infidelity, death of the partner, chronic health problems, birth defects in the child, losing the pregnancy through accident or miscarriage, having twins or multiples, and dreams of heightened fertility where additional conceptions and gestations occur frequently or despite prevention. Infidelity and death of the partner dreams often are played out in response to feelings of insecurity do to appearance changes or changes in sexual relationships during pregnancy. Dreams of chronic health problems and birth defects represent negative wish-fulfilment anxiety on the part of the woman. Dreams of multiple-order birth and repeated gestation are the most complex dreams. Often times, pregnancy is overwhelming at some level for the woman. These feelings most often stem from fear to adequately mother. The onslaught of pregnancies may be a visual representation of this anxiety.

Well? that doesn?t help, does it ??

getting around
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Everyday life (weirdness)
Regardless of what anyone might say, hitch-hiking is not dead in The Netherlands. In view of my financial constraints, I used my thumb most of the time to get around and see all my friends and family after such a long time. These short trips all pleasantly added up on the delight of seeing my family again. Yeah, hitch-hiking is definitely the way to go if you have the time and weather on your side… On top of that you get to meet interesting people...