Growing pains
Mood:  not sure
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Geez… they are getting old, aren’t they. Not that I hadn’t noticed. It’s just that they didn’t fit the concept yet. The concept of old age till now were my grandparents. And even then; my grandfather still frantically trying to escape this concept in wanting to practice fitness despite being passed 80 years of age. And my other grandmother – being the same age – who still manages to live her own life in her own house enjoying her own little garden. Anyway, that’s not the point, is it ?
So yesterday my mom suffered the really scary feeling of heart palpitations. I thought I’d be the good son and give then the ride to the hospital. Not that I was really worried… It reminded me though, of what a friend said to me last week. Something about trying to enjoy the time I still had with them… before leaving the country, she meant of course. Well it’s true I guess. It even started to make me wonder if I could even leave them here like that, now old age seems to kick in… Ah well, it’ll probably be the same family trait of stubbornness that’ll make them survive the next two decades as well. Let’s just pray for that…

Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Words can be beautiful, but like the flower without a scent, they are not always sincere. The fragrant flower though, brings what its beauty promises. in the same manner ones words should be truthful.

Life is but an Oreo cookie
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Everyday life (weirdness)
The article I wrote for the hospital journal got nominated for the MMC-award 2003 and therefore I was asked to attend the presentation and tell something about it. I arrived still in time, even though traffic had turned mad in the 2 years that passed since I stopped working in that hospital. I walk in and as a coincidence I bump into one of my former bosses, doc L. and one of my former colleague-MO’s, by now spOG as well. Turns out doc L. had to do the presentation himself, had I not turned up. So that’s why you were so persisting on the phone, I say to him. We fix ourselves a drink and I have a talk with my former colleague. I don’t even exactly remember how the subject turned up. I think it’s because she asked me whether my girlfriend would be coming with me to Malaysia. Well, actually there’s no girlfriend around anymore, I told her. She gives me this typical gaze, I don’t even know what to call it, but it’s the one that women can give you while they are trying to get some information from you while in the mean time acting in a manner as if they were just having a casual conversation about the number of calories in a donut versus an Oreo cookie. There have been quite some wild rumours after you left, she says. The word is you even have a child... this is the moment where they bring the cookie to their mouth... just picture it... and now I’m supposed to tell her all the details... I really don’t think so; I succeed in giving her the vague sort of statement that only men can give when they don’t really want to discuss something. So, now we’re even, I think...

Hello-o-o-o, do we all recognize this ?

I think I must have said something that things back then were even too complicated for myself to truly understand, let alone for explaining it to other people. It’s not that I don’t want to talk about it, it’s merely that I feel it’s not necessary they will know all about it. Why puncture this balloon, this fantasy, this presumption they’ve all been living in for the past 1? years ? It’s OK for me this way. Let’s have another cookie... The rest of the event kind of passes with ease, not unlike the pretty good red wine they serve. I manage to do my little presentation without losing either nerves or lines and in the end find out that even though I didn’t get the award, at least I got a nice amount of money out of it and a good looking bottle of red wine. Outside it’s cold and rainy – again – and I make my way over to my car fast, to enjoy my almost daily ride for an hour back home... Life is a highway as well....e

Bad boy....
Mood:  lazy
The whole weekend...passed without a single significant activity. I've been basically bumming around for 2 days... I can only say to have done the laundry I should have done a week ago and I got rid of a thick layer of dust covering the whole house. Gonna try to be a good boy now, study the rest of what is left of this afternoon... :o(

Finally a glimpse of sun...
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy

At last, a sunny day !! Last two weeks we only saw rain, after a very promising two weeks of spring sun. I love the sight of my garden, growing and blooming. The cherry tree full of blossoms, followed a few days later by the apple tree and finally the non-fruit tree, I don’t know its name, really. The blossoms were washed out though during the rains these last two weeks. But I can already see them; numerous cherries and apples as well. Now the time of the wallflowers and strawberries starts, and the grape plants are spreading their lustrous green ranks on the walls as well. It all gives me a very ambivalent feeling. I love this country during summertime and I wish I could spend the summer in my own garden, watching all the fruits grow and enjoy the result by September. But I also want to go ahead with my brand new start in Malaysia, which is still prevented by my not-sold-yet house… Especially when the mail came this morning; the final confirmation from UM, KL. Which, by the way, makes me wonder what the mailman would be thinking when he looks at the sender address, knowing this house is for sale. I wonder if the mailman puts 2 and 2 together and makes up his own imaginary story behind some of the letters he has to deliver. Or maybe he just thinks – geezz, with this kind of weather I ought to be sitting in my garden as well, enjoying a beer and the newspaper…

Why can't we just let it go ?
Mood:  hug me
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
I come home from work in the middle of the night. The little green lamp on the answering machine is blinking frantically. When I play the single message that is on it I hear a toddlers voice, starting out with “aduh” followed by calling out “hello – hello” several times. Yeah, we all know who it is, and I wonder if these are his very first words or part of an already larger vocabulary. Being over 1? years already I guess it would be the latter one. It’s all leaving me quite confused, leading me into a restless sleep.

The very next morning I receive a call from the other person who relentlessly influenced the past 5 years of my life. “Hi, it’s me, she says”. I hadn’t heard from her in a week or so. After feeling to have reached some dead alley in December last year, I decided to cut off all contacts. I thought it would be better for everybody involved. But then she started calling again last month. Just like all these times before. Why can’t she just let it go, if she can’t make a right decision anyway ? But then again I also kind of crave for these phone-calls. Silly, isn’t it ? She keeps on pushing me to meet as friends, and so we did some 2 weeks ago. She’s got some weird definition of “friends”…

- What’s up ?, I say a bit grumpy.
- Well, nothing special really, actually I’m not doing so fine…
- Why, what happened ?
- Oh, never mind

One of those conversations again, and I’m really not in the mood. Someone’s leg is being pulled, and I’m afraid it’s mine… She ends the conversation just at the right time though, leaving ample time for speculation and at the same time not giving me an opportunity to verbalize my awkward feelings about the whole situation. I want to say something like “Real friends don’t have a secret agenda” or “Since you want us to be friends I feel I have the right to know what’s going on in your life”… Too late though, it’ll have to wait for next time, if there is one. Actually, I’m gonna confront her with this, since I have nothing to loose anyway.

What is going on in this world ?
Mood:  incredulous
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
Geezz, what’s wrong with my country ?? One Dutch soldier died in Iraq and the media can’t stop talking about it… Sure, a tragedy for family and friends, but what about all those Iraqi people who died in the past year ? Sometimes my country seems to be so self-focused…

Stuck in Holland
Mood:  not sure
Topic: House & Garden Philosophy
So now our German friends cancelled their plans. No need for me to organise a last-minute farewell party I guess. I cannot leave the country until the house is taken care of - financially that is. It’s hard though to adapt to the thought of having to spend some more time in this country. In my mind I was already letting go of the lousy weather here and looking forward to my brand-new start in KL. Talking about letting go, it’s amazing how difficult it can be to let go of your feelings for that special one. Even when you know that it doesn’t have a future and very well never might have something of a future either, it still keeps your mind occupied on-and-on. Thinking about what if’s and what-when-we-would-have’s doesn‘t change a single thing about the situation though. Haha, if I would have known in advance even the slightest thing about what would all happen, I sure as hell would have handled things differently.

"Friends", the German version...
Topic: Everyday life (weirdness)
Just met the 4 german students looking for a house to live in. Damn, they all looked so young... or is it that I’m getting old ? Three of them already live in nearby Belgium, telling me the characteristic stories of these student houses; people being evicted for displaying anti-social and mainly too noisy habits. Gathering from their story this is their effort to become the German version of “Friends”. Well, judging the sitcom and the fact that half of my life partly resembles the life of Ross, there seems to be some sense in that. Still, it would be easier to dub, haha… anyway, they remind me of my own university years. I even, just like them, went on the look for an opportunity to rent a house as a whole as well. In all this time apparently nothing much has changed. Just like I’m reluctant right now, other people are as well. I’ll give them credit for that as they deserve my sympathy. But I have to sleep a few nights over it first…

losing time over kissing ass...
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Everyday life (weirdness)
I took the ultrasound course last week. Didn’t learn heaps of new stuff, but it was fun anyway. In general reactions from other M.O.’s were quite positive. Except for one girl, who started fussing about how I could be sure about the quality of the program and how on earth could one become a good gynaecologist in only 4 years. I said something like, well, your education is as good as the effort you put in - and also secretly thought that if narrow-minded people like her could take a lifetime to get a more positive attitude towards other people I could certainly try to become a good gynaecologist in four years. After all, I won’t lose any time by having to kiss everybody’s ass, haha. Well, she gave me the cold shoulder anyway which is not that bad as I don’t feel the need to get to know her kind of people.
Trying to get my mind of the worries about selling my house. Been busy trying to sell some stuff like my pc, fridge, some furniture, to raise some extra money. I hope I can find a nice place to live in KL, not too expensive but also not like some freaky student house (student houses can be a disaster in the Netherlands)