JUN DEATH-FIC

By Pulsar

........October 31st, All Hallow’s Eve, the one night every year when all that is unholy is free to roam our world. And this Halloween, an unfathomable evil, a demon beyond comprehension, is among us, searching for its next victim. This creature of unspeakable evil......... this vile beast from the depths of hell........ it must be stopped. But how? How does one destroy the monster that is Jun Motomiya?
........Unaware of the demon roaming, the Digidestined are having a party at Mimi’s house.
........Kari and T.K., dressed as Angewomon and Angemon, are cheering on a breakdancing Koushiro, who is going as a computer virus. Yolei, dressed as a princess, rolls her eyes as Cody says, “I see dead people” for the fifth time.
........“Okay, okay, enough, Cody! We get it! You’re the kid from The 6th Sense. If you say ‘I see dead people’ one more time, I’m gonna hurt you!”
........ “They’re everywhere!” he continues. Yolei smacks him. Sora laughs. Joe pretends to slap her.
........ “Shut up, bitch! Did I say you could laugh?” says Joe, dressed as a pimp.
........ “Sorry, Joe,” says Sora, dressed as his whore.
........ Lady Devimon walks by. “You guys having fun?” she asks.
........ “You bet,” Joe replies.
........ “By the way, I love the leather hat.”
........ “Thanks, Mimi. Your costume’s pretty great, too.”
........ “Yeah, Mimi, I love your costume! You’re so --- I mean, It’s so beautiful!” exclaims Yolei.
........ “Uh, right.........” says Mimi, quickly backing away, trying to avoid the lesbian.
........ The doorbell rings. Mimi opens it to reveal Myotismon. “Hey, Matt, nice costume.”
........ “Thanks, Mimi. I like yours, too.” Matt steps inside and Mimi shuts the door. Almost immediately, the bell rings again. Mimi opens it. An axe blade swishes by her head. Mimi shrieks.
........ “I don’t think Lady Devimon would shriek, Mimi,” the axe-wielding boy remarks.
........ “Yeah, well I don’t think that guy from The Shining had blue hair,” she retorts, letting Ken Ichijouji inside.
........ He laughs and heads over to where Koushiro is trying (unsuccessfully) to teach T.K. to breakdance. Kari giggles as T.K. accidentaly knocks Koushiro down and then falls down himself. “Hey, Ken,” Kari greets him.
........ “Hi, Kari,” he replies, stooping over to help up T.K. and Koushiro. “Is Daisuke here?”
........ “Not yet. Tai’s late too. Why?”
........ Ken smiles. “Daisuke said he had some great costume, so I figured he’s probably gonna try to scare me.” Ken grins wickedly and holds up his axe. “Thought maybe I could beat him the the punch.”
........ “Is that a real axe?” Kari asks.
........ “Maybe. How come Tai’s late?”
........ “He said he still needed some stuff for his costume. Typical Tai, waiting till the last minute.”
........ “What’s he going as?”
........ “He wouldn’t tell me. All he said was that ‘it’s the most frightening thing ever to walk the earth’.”
........ Ken scratches his head. “Barney?”
........ “Richard Simmons?” Koushiro guesses.
........ “Daisuke?” asks T.K.
........ Koushiro snorts.
........ “Hey, do you think you could teach me to breakdance?” Ken asks.
........ “Depends. Are you as uncoordinated as T.K.?”
........ Kari giggles.
........ Just then, the door flies open, and outlined in the doorway is a figure with huge hair and horrible taste in clothing. Matt screams effeminately and does his best to hide behind the punch bowl. T.K. ducks behind Kari. Joe, Koushiro, Cody, and Ken dive behind the couch.
........ “Yoo-hoo! Maaatt! I know you’re here! Stop hiding, you silly goose!” a high-pitched voice calls.
........ Matt shudders. “God, if you’re out there, I could use your help right about now...” he prays silently.
........ The figure (which is obviously the Jun-beast) giggles insanely. “Matt....” the hideous spawn of Satan calls, still giggling. Gradually, the giggles become chuckles and then deep laughter. Masculine laughter.
........ “Dear God, Jun’s a man?!” Joe cries in fear.
........ The laughter grows louder and.... strangely familliar.
........ “Tai?!” Kari shouts.
........ “Hey, Kari.”
........ “You -- you dressed up as Jun?!” she sputters.
........ “I told you I was coming as the most frightening thing ever to walk the earth.”
........ Matt stands up. “Tai, I oughta kill you for pulling that... but I’m so relieved that you’re not really Jun, I’ll let it go.”
........ T.K. gets out from behind Kari. “It’s bad enough he’s in drag, but did he have to go as Jun?” he asks no one in particular. The other boys step away from the couch.
........ “I thought it was funny,” Tai replies.
........ “You wouldn’t think it was so funny if she had the hots for you,” says Matt.
........ “Yeah, but she doesn’t, so it is,” replies Tai as he shuts the door. “So, whaddya think of my costume?”
........ “Hideous.”
........ “Tacky.”
........ “Frightening.”
........ “Is that my skirt?” Kari asks.
........ The doorbell rings again. Since she’s the hostess, Mimi goes to answer it yet again. “Why couldn’t you all just come at once?” she grumbles. Mimi opens the door and the Digimon Emperor walks in.
........ “You will all serve me, or suffer the consequences!” he shouts, unfurling a whip.
........ “Oh, dear Lord...” Ken mutters.
........ T.K. cracks up. He laughs so hard, he has trouble breathing.
........ “What’s your problem, T.S.?!” the “Emperor” shouts angrily.
........ T.K. falls to the floor, gasping for air. “Daisuke...” he gasps. “In spandex!”
........ Daisuke looks miffed.
........ “Wait!” Matt yells. “If Daisuke is here....”
........ T.K. stops laughing and yelps, “Jun!”
........ Matt grabs Daisuke’s arms. “Is she here?! IS SHE HERE?!” he cries, panicking.
........ “Chill out, Matt! She won’t come to the party!”
........ “Are you sure?! How do you know she won’t show up?!”
........ “I told her you weren’t coming!”
........ Matt sighs in relief and lets go of Daisuke.
........ “Yeah, but I knew you were lying. I can always tell when people are lying.”
........ Everyone gasps as the real Jun speaks. She cackles like the evil witch she is and walks toward Matt, who is frozen in terror. All the other Digidestined are also paralyzed with fear. Kari is the first to recover.
........ “Run, Matt!” she screams, pushing him. He snaps out of his parlysis and leaps over the couch, trying to evade Jun’s clutch. Jun chases him around the room, and the furniture she overturns in her path is no obstacle for her raging hormones. The others try their best to protect Matt.
........ Daisuke tries to use the whip. “Whoopah!” he yells as he cracks the whip at her. She catches the end of the whip and yanks it from her brother’s hands.
........ Joe picks up a lamp and throws it at her. The lamp connects with her temple, but there is no real damage, due to the fact that there is nothing to damage in her head.
........ Sora tackles her, bringing her to the ground. Jun tries to get up, but Sora grabs her hair and slams her face into the rug. Jun once more tries to get up. Sora slams her into the rug again and again. Jun’s nose begins to bleed, but she manages to shake Sora off and continues her hormonal pursuit of Matt.
........ Kari, realizing they will never stop Jun without help, runs for the kitchen. Once there, she grabs the phone and hurriedly dials....
........ Meanwhile, in the living room, Jun is getting ready to pounce on Matt.
........ “Alright, that’s it!” Tai yells, attacking Jun. He knocks her to the ground and pounds on her with his fists. She claws at his face with her nails, and soon he is bleeding from numerous scratches. He puts her in a headlock and she punches his groin. Tai lets go of her and moans in pain. Jun scrambles toward Matt.
........ “Oh, no you don’t.” Tai tackles her again. Jun tries to rip Tai’s hair out and he follows suit. They both cry out in pain. The other children gawk at the she-beast and the cross-dresser attacking each other.
........ “Get that bitch off my brother!” Kari yells as she enters the room, having finished her phone call. The others stand motionless, staring at the fighting look-alikes. “Ken!” she calls, running to him. “Use your axe!”
........ He shakes his head. “No good. It’s plastic.”
........ “Then I’ll stop her myself.” Kari makes a fist and prepares to beat the friggin’ crap out of Jun. All of a sudden, there is a pounding on the door, startling everyone except the bimbo and the transvestite, who continue hitting each other. Mimi, remembering her duties as hostess, opens the door.
........ “Good evening, ma’am. I’m Officer Pulsar. This is Officer Hardy. We got a report of a skank-in-progress at this address.”
........ “Yes! Yes! Over there!” she exclaims, pointing to Tai and Jun.
........ “Shoot her!” Kari yells.
........ The officers look at each other. “Which one?” Hardy asks.
........ “The whore!”
........ Officer Hardy points her gun at Sora.
........ “No! The other one!”
........ “Um...” Hardy points her gun at Mimi.
........ “No, the ugly one!”
........ Hardy aims at Daisuke while Pulsar aims at Sora.
........ “No, that one!” Kari yells, pointing at where Jun and Tai are both struggling to smash the other into the wall.
........ “Both of them?”
........ “NO!” Kari screams.
........ “Oh, for crying out loud....” Ken mutters, taking the gun from Officer Pulsar and shooting Jun 5 times at point-blank range. “There,” he says, handing the gun back to her.
........ “Well..... alright! You kids have a nice Halloween,” says Pulsar as she and Hardy leave.
........ “Nice kids,” remarks Pulsar.
........ “Yeah. Hey, did you see that blond kid?”
........ “The one in the vampire costume?”
........ “Yeah.”
........ They look at each other and nod. “What a bishounen!” they exclaim in unison and then burst into giggles.
........ “Y’know, I’ve always had a thing for vampires,” Pulsar remarks.
........ Hardy raises an eyebrow. “Really?”
........ “Yeah. I mean.... Brad Pitt in Interview With A Vampire..... he could drink my blood any day!”
........ Hardy rolls her eyes. “Freak.”
........ “Damn straight!” Pulsar replies, laughing.
........ Meanwhile, back at the party.....
........ Ken pokes Jun’s body with the end of his axe. “Yup, she’s dead.”
........ “What do we do with the body?” Sora asks. They all look at each other. Daisuke gets an evil grin.
........ “Fire,” he says.
........ Mimi runs from the room and returns in a hurry, toting a flamethrower and a portable arc welder.
........ “Alright!” says Daisuke, taking the flamethrower. “Let’s torch this fucker!”
........ “Wait, Daisuke,” says Ken.
........ “Why? ‘Cause she’s my sister and we ought to have respect for the dead?”
........ “Hell, no. We just need to take her outside first.”
........ The others see Ken’s point, and it is decided that Joe and Yolei will drag her body into the backyard. Soon there is a warm, blazing bonfire, and the Digidestined dance happily around Jun’s funeral pyre.