........As Wufei walked through the hallway to the bathroom he encountered one of Quatre's numerous teddy bears rudely blocking his way.
........"Stupid bear," Wufei grumbled as he casually kicked the "fluffy adorable" teddy bear.
........ Wufei walked over to the television, kicking any teddy bear that DARED to block his path. While Wufei was kicking an especially fluffy teddy bear, Quatre walked into the living room and saw one of his PRECIOUS, BELOVED teddy bears soar across the room and hit the solid wall with a dull thunk. He watched in horror as one of the limbs of his precious teddy bear flew across the room, following the body from which it was severed. Quatra's eyes widened as the arm hit the floor with an insignificant 'flick.'
........"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!" Quatra shrieked in horror as he picked up the remains of the teddy. He looked to his left and found Wufei poking the teddy bear with his katana. Quatra ran towards Wufei but was stopped when he stepped on something fluffy. He looked down and saw that it was, indeed, Tim-Tim, his favorite, pinkest, FLUFFIEST teddy bear. Quatra passed out when he found a large hole in its stomach with cotton stuffing leaking out.
........"Hmm . . ." Wufei kicked Quatra in the ribs twice to see if he was faking. No movement. "OK, he's out."
........Duo stepped into the apartment and observed the strange scene.
........". . ."
........Duo was about to leave when Wufei lost his temper. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! YOU CAN'T JUST BARGE INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE LIKE THAT!"
........"Actually, Wu-man, it's an apartment . . .!" said Duo with a smart-ass look on his face.
........Royally annoyed, Wufei picked up his katana casually and chased Duo down the stairs of his apartment building, swinging his katana wildly.
........"AND DON'T COME BACK!" shouted Wufei. "Stupid American, barging in like he owns the place . . ." he muttered as he slammed the door shut. Wufei looked over at Quatre's corpse and noticed that a large, black, hairy TARANTULA was slowly crawling towards Quatre's face. Wufei took out popcorn and a red lawn chair. He watched with the utmost glee as the turantula crawled onto Quatre's face. It had apparantly decided to nest in Quatre's gaping mouth. The tarantula hissed violently, claiming its new-found territory. Just as it was about to crawl into Quatre's mouth, Duo ran back into the apartment.
........"POOKIE!!! Where art thou?" he bellowed.
........"Shhh . . .!" Wufie glared at Duo. "You'll wake him up." He chuckled maniacally, pointing at Quatre. "This is going to be good." Just then, Quatre's eyes fluttered open, and retracted into tiny dots.
........"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!!!!" he shrieked. Waving his arms frantically, Quatre dashed around the tiny living room.
........"DAMMIT!!!! It's all your fault, baka!" Wufei barked; he then threw his lawn chair at Duo. "GET OUT!"
........Just then, Quatre jumped out the window. A dull crunch was heard as Quatre's spine met it's demise at the handle of a trash can. At that same moment, a red-winged bird landed in the open mouth of a Siberian tiger at the local zoo, while a fly was squashed on the windshield of a speeding Animal Rights Advocates van on its way to rescue an abused goldfish. Suddenly, Duo realized that his tarantula Pookie had gone out the window with Quatre.
........"POOKIE!!!" Duo soared out the window after his precious tarantula. Unimpressed, Wufei located a can of soda on the table. He sipped at it quietly.
........"Hm . . . it's flat . . ." He threw it out the window casually, forgetting about the mangled bodies of his two "friends" in the trash can below. The soda can spilled on Quatre's head, bounced off and landed on an underground hive of Africanized Killer Bees.
........"Well, that got rid of them." At the same moment, Wufei closed the window, muttering to himself. "To prevent this from ever happening again, I'll lock it." He slowly walked towards his favorite chair, sat down and pulled out a Playboy Magazine, and began reading the articles.
........Suddenly a muffled, soul-piercing shriek was heard from the alley below the apartment building. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!"
........"Hm . . . I forgot about them. Oh, well. I wonder what happened today?" He turned on the television and it automatically switched to CNN.
........Male Reporter: "Today, five Siberian tigers escaped from the local Zoo. Zoo officials warn citizens that if they see one of these magnificent creatures, do not scream, for it will attract many others. They also warn citizens not to move, for the tigers will be attracted to your living." The announcer stoped abruptly. "'Your living'? What the hell? Hey, who writes this crap???" I-dont-knows were heard off-camera. "In other news . . ." Wufei abruptly turned off the TV.
........"Hm . . . Siberian Tigers, eh?" He walked to the window and saw Duo and Quatre screaming in agony as swarms of Africanized Killer Bees gathered around Quatre's soda drenched head, while a handful wandered off to Duo. Uninterested, he walked to the other window and noticed the five Siberian Tigers cowering in fear at the sound of Relena's voice. Wufei watched as Animal Rights Advocates dragged Relena away and into a sound-proof truck. She was sued for animal abuse and disturbing the peace by Animal Rights Advocates and the Neighborhood Watch. The two tigers leading the pack were traumatized and extremely disturbed. The three others walked away, irritated. They turned into the ally and noticed Quatre and Duo rolling around in pain. Wufei walked away from the window as loud growls, bones cruching and bloodcurdling screams radiated throughout the neighborhood.
........Taking advantage of Quatre's absence, Wufei barged into Quatre's room, remembering that he had dropped his favortie katana there while chasing Quatre for stealing the remote. He walked in and found the Teddy King's Royal Soldiers in battle formation, fully adorned in loincloths and war paint.
........"What?" Wufei screeched to a halt. "Pygmies? I thought these things lived in the congo!" Suddenly the army marched out and Wufei was drenched in a shower of spears, arrows, and tiny stones launched from tiny catapults. Wufei quickly reached for his katana, but a group of teddys beat him to it. They scrambled away with the ornamentally decorated katana, and Wufei was left weaponless. He ruthlessly kicked a number of Teddy Bear Soldiers, but was eventually forced to retreat and regroup. Wufei slithered out of the room, walked to the bathroom and began pulling needles and arrows out of his flesh. Wufei suddenly noticed that the tiny weapons were painted with a randomly colored substance. He looked in the mirror and saw the words, “All Hail The Teddy King” tattooed into his forehead. He slapped on a large Band-Aid and headed for the hospital.
........Three hours later, Wufei was watching T.V. with a large patch on his forhead covering the blisters left by the laser used to remove the unsightly tattoo. Irritated, he pulled out his Playboy Magazine and was again reading the articles when there came a loud SLAM. Wufei turned around and saw Duo and Quatre walking through the door in casts and bandages. They were swollen and red from the bee stings. A wide grin appeared on his face as he watched them limp across the room.
........"What happened to YOU??" he asked as if he didn't know. He received the look-of-a-thousand-deaths from both Duo and Quatre. Wufei's grin widened.
........"Hey, Wufei, is that a Playboy?" asked Duo, his voice dripping with venom.
........"Yes . . ." answered Wufei, suspicious.
........"You know . . ." Quatre glared at Wufei, remembering how he had tortured his poor Teddy Bears. "NOBODY reads those just for the 'articles' . . ." An embarrased and insulted Wufei slowly rose from his chair, put down the magazine gingerly, walked slowly towards the two injured pilots and kicked them both in the shins. He then stalked off to his room, and there he remained for the rest of the evening.