DAVIS-BASHING MST
BY CHRISTOCHI ISHIDA
Christochi-chan: YES! I have done it now!
Daisuke-chan: Done what?
Christochi-chan: I’ve finally finished my first funny fanfic.
Jesanae-chan: Bullshit! Everything you write is either totally dark, contains death scenes, or involves some mentally-disturbing thing.
Jaina-chan: Yeah! (glares at her boyfriend) Like me getting raped for example (knees Chris in the balls).
Sora-chan: Yeah, you go girl!
Christochi-chan: (writhes in pain) Okay here’s the fic…
Davis’ Love Life Survey:
(A Fanfiction in the form of a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 episode)
By Christochi Ishida
Daisuke-chan: WHAT THE FUCK!?!
Hikari-chan: Hehehe… I think I might like this…
Takeru-chan: Me too. (starts making out with Kari)
Christochi-chan: God I really need to help you to get rid of all those pent-up hormones. Why don’t I put you two in a Takari Lemon?
Taichi, Yamato, & Jesanae-chans: GET THAT IDEA OUT OF YOUR FRIGGIN’ HEAD RIGHT NOW!!!!! (Matt and Tai break up the two while Jesse kicks the shit out of Chris)
Jesanae-chan: You’ve been warned, buddy.
(Magical voice appear out of nowhere…)
M.V.F.N. (Magical Voice From Nowhere): Stop, Jesse; haven’t you noticed that Chris is unconcious?
Jesanae-chan: (sheepishly steps away from Chris’ bloody body) Sorry.
M.V.F.N.: Quite alright. I’m the Magical Voice From Nowhere. I’m your announcer for this fanfic and will from here on out be known as Announcer.
Miyako-chan: Makes sense…
Announcer: Alright lets start. This is a fanfiction. It is basically a questionnaire directed towards Davis and what he would probably put down for answers.
Daisuke-chan: Oh, gomen ne…
Announcer: It is based upon Davis’ love life and is basically a total bash of Davis.
Daisuke-chan: D’oh!
Announcer: (waits for everyone to grab drinks, popcorn, and pillows) Okay, time to start.
The Love Life Survey:
><>Name = Daisuke “Davis” Motomiya
Miyako-chan: Hey! He knows his name! (begins clapping)
Daisuke-chan: Bitch…
><>Age = 14 (Japan) or 12 (America)
><>Loves / Obsessions / Crushes: Kari Kamiya (cover-up obsession), soccer (favorite sport), Tai Kamiya (idol), T.K. Takashi (true love)…
(All stare in shock)
Christochi-chan: (regains conciousness) What’s up… (sees what’s written) Uh oh…
Jesanae-chan: CHRIS! YOU KNOW DIGITALLY OBSESSED’S RULES! (beats C-chan back into unconciousness)
Keramon, Patamon, & Lyeernmon: Don’t worry, guys. We fixed the board. It was just the left over from another fanfic that Chris got the idea from.
Ken-chan: Good. Let’s continue then…
><>Loves / Obsessions / Crushes: Kari Kamiya (true love), soccer (favorite sport), Tai Kamiya (idol), T.K. Takashi (arch rival [plans to kill someday to steal Kari])…
Takeru & Hikari-chans: Much better.
(All sweatdrop): Right…
><>Hobbies: Whatever Kari's is!
Hikari-chan: "Whatever Hikari's is." Gag me! That is so bad.
Koushiro-chan: Not to mention grammar error. It should be "are," not "is" because it's plural.
Sora-chan: Good point.
><>Favorite Color: Orange
Taichi-chan: Remind me to change my favorite color and lie about it to Daisuke.
Jaina-chan: I'll make a note of it! Uh, anybody got a pencil?
><>Who sent this to you?: Inoue Miyako
Jaina-chan: What was she thinking?
Yamato-chan: Must've been on drugs.
Takeru-chan: Would Ken kill me if I murdered Miyako for that?
Koushiro-chan: Yes. And if he didn't, I would!
Ken-chan: DAMN STRAIGHT!
Miyako-chan: (crying) I’m sorry! I promise I won’t send this survey!
Jyou-chan: 'Shiro, I thought you liked Mimi.
Koushiro-chan: First off, I like Jesse, not Mimi. (Jesanae and all Digidestined stare at him) What? Anyway, I'm not into relationships yet, Jyou. It's just that Miyako and I are partners in computers. Besides, Mimi's dating Zeke and Jesse’s dating Matt, remember?
Jyou-chan: I thought it was a gag to keep Jun off his back-.
Yamato-chan: Shut up, Jyou! She may be eavesdropping!
><>What's the best trait of the person who sent this to you?: She's Hikari's friend
Veemon: Funny, he didn't even know Miyako was alive until she hung around Hikari.
Sora-chan: Any person's best trait to Davis would be that they're friends with Hikari.
Takeru-chan: Not guys who are friends with Hikari. I learned that right away, and still have the lumps to prove it.
><>Last Vacation you were on: Trip to Colorado U.S.A.
Taichi-chan: Too bad he didn't stay there.
Koushiro-chan: Statistics would prove that he'd be thrown out of the state by most of the population.
Willis-chan: Sure, Tai. Just try to dump to bastard with me, will ya?
Daisuke-chan: Willis? When the hell did you get here?
Willis-chan: Just now, dumbass!
><>Who was it with?: Iori, Miyako, and our Digimon
Mimi-chan: I pity those guys for putting up with him all that time. Especially you, Veemon.
Veemon: (leaps at Mimi and kisses her hands several times) Thank you soooo much!
Zeke-chan: Get off my girl!
Veemon: I'm just thanking her! Sheesh! (gets off)
Mimi-chan: Simmer down, Zeke.
><>What did you do?: Met Willis Johnson and helped stop Kokomon.
Veemon: Bull! Terriermon and I did all the work, as well as the other Digimon! And did we get any thanks? Nooooooo!
Hikari-chan: (pats Veemon's head) We love you anyway, Veemon.
Veemon: I see you're saving the best for Takeru.
><>Who was the 1st person you ever kissed?: Well....no one.....yet..
Sora-chan: ^.^ There must be a Kami-sama up there!
Hikari-chan: Don't forget Azulongmon!
Azulongmon: You're welcome. Mind if I join you?
Theresa-chan: Have a seat, brother!
><>Who gave you your 1st REAL kiss?: Never had it yet....
Sora, Mimi, Kari, Jaina, Jesanae & Theresa: Who'd want to kiss him in their right mind?!
Veemon: Besides his mother...
Yamato-chan: Not his sister, that's for sure.
Jyou-chan: He's smart enough to know she'd poison him if she did.
><>Describe the person you like in detail: She’s got light brown hair, goddess like figure, nice rack, and auburn eyes.
Hikari-chan: -_- Not even close enough to be romantic.
Koushiro-chan: Plus more grammar errors.
Yamato-chan: If he had a dollar for every error he made, he'd have cash with a capital--
Azulongmon: K!
Yamato-chan: You should go back to school.
Azulongmon: No way! I hated teaching!
Koushiro-chan: (bursts out laughing)
Azulongmon: I still have the touch. ^_^
Taichi & Takeru: NICE RACK!!! (both eye Davis evily)
Daisuke-chan: (gulp)
Takeru-chan: *Not that I don’t disagree but…* DIE DAVIS!
(Brief struggle = Davis hits the ground, Chris wakes up, and takes his place)
><>What is the best thing about your crush?: She's Hikari!
Mimi-chan: Soooo original... NOT!
Taichi-chan: Lame!
Jyou-chan: Sucky!
Takeru-chan: Dumbass!
Christochi-chan: Totally reeking of hanosity!
(gets weird glances from Digidestined)
Hikari-chan: Even Tai could've done better than that.
><>What is his or her worst quality?: None
All but Hikari: No comment...
Hikari-chan: Oh come on! I have faults like everyone! I try to dump him lightly, remember? Plus I pushed everyone away when I was having those nightmares...
Keramon: Good point.
Hikari-chan: >o< Is that so? (slaps Keramon)
Keramon: Oh yeah? (Bug Blasters Taichi)
Taichi-chan: What was that for?!
Keramon: I can't hit her back because 1) I don't hit females, 2) you or Takeru would kill me if I did, 3) you're closer to me.
Taichi-chan: If I wasn't with you, I'd bop you one in the eye.
Keramon: So why don't you?
Taichi-chan: Well, I'm with you.
><>How long have you known him/her?: Snce I was in 4th
Takeru-chan: I knew her longer!
Taichi-chan: And you get seniority rights for that!
Hikari-chan: ^_^
><>What's your most memorable thing about your crush?: Her laugh
Christochi-chan: Mostly because she laughs at the idiot when he looks bad.
All: And how!
><>When's the last time you and your crush talked?: I dunno
Taichi-chan: Luckily, we screen our phone calls now.
Hikari-chan: Plus I avoid him during school and he's on my blocking list online.
Azulongmon: Say, if I killed him, would it be murder, or charity?
All: Charity!
><>Have you ever dreamed about him/her?: Yes
All: Uh-oh!
><>What was the dream about?: First dates....
Sora-chan: Like that would ever happen.
Taichi-chan: And the ugly truth is... I almost set up a first date for him and Hikari.
Takeru-chan: YOU WHAT?! YOU BAKA!
Hikari-chan: I think I'm gonna be sick...
><>Would you ever want that dream to come true?: Yes
Hikari-chan: Correction. I KNOW I'm gonna hurl! (dashes for the bathroom)
Christochi-chan: Slight pause until she comes back.
(Sounds of someone throwing up are heard nearby.)
Keramon: Uh, boss? She didn't make it to the john...
Christochi-chan: Don't tell me she barfed on the carpet!
Keramon: Okay, I won't tell you.
Christochi-chan: -_-
Azulongmon: I'll get a mop and bucket... Somebody help me.
Keramon: Sure.
Christochi-chan: Digiegg of Degeneracy…Digi-Armor Energize!
*<>* Keramon armor-digivolve to…D-Genermon…The Master of Degeneracy!
5 minutes later...
Hikari-chan: Sorry about that.
D-Genermon: (as he’s de-digivolving back to Keramon) At least now we have a reason to get the carpets shampooed.
><>If you and your crush stayed at a cabin for 1 week alone, what would you do?: Oh ........well.......... We'd uh........
Koushiro-chan: "We'd be doing the nasty if not making out or holding hands." That's what he's thinking.
Takeru & Taichi: >o< I'LL KILL HIM!
Hikari-chan: Oh god... (turns green)
Jyou-chan: Not again! (gives Hikari a barf bag)
Hikari-chan: Thanks-! (throws up again)
Sora-chan: I've never seen someone throw up that much since Taichi last had his mom's cake.
Taichi-chan: I think she's trying to kill us, not feed us.
Koromon: O_O Hehehehehehehe! May I be forgiven for the thought that just crossed my mind.
Mimi-chan: What?
Koromon: We make him eat Mrs. Kamiya's cooking!
Veemon: They tried already. He likes it.
All but Taichi and Hikari: HUH?!
Motimon: Hey, so did Izzy…at first…
Koushiro-chan: Don’t remind me…
><>What's your idea of an ideal date, and who'd it be with?: Staying at my house and making out with Hikari!
Hikari-chan: (keeps throwing up, but takes a new, larger bag)
Veemon: This might go on for years.
Mimi-chan: And she didn't even eat anything yet.
Christochi-chan: Keramon, we’re going to need a real lot of help for this mess.
Keramon: Right, Chris
(Chris holds up D3 and Tag w/ Crest of Degeneracy inside)
*<>* Keramon warp-digivolve to… Diaboromon!
Diaboromon: Operation “Clean-Puke-Up-After-Kari…” begin!
><>What color is your room?: Blue
Yamato-chan: He has soiled my favorite color!
Koushiro-chan: I thought green was your favorite color?
Yamato-chan: They both are.
><>What size is your bed?: Twin
Hikari-chan: (finally stops puking) Someone has high hopes. Too bad I won't go to bed until I get married.
Taichi & Yamato: Which won't be for a few decades from now!
Takeru & Hikari: (Oh damn!)
Diaboromon & Christochi-chan: (snickers)
><>What do you sleep with?: Pajamas...though i wish it were Hikari.....
Hikari-chan: lucky for me, I'm all puked out.
Sora & Mimi: He would think it!
Takeru: Taichi, I know she's your sister and all, but I get first dibbs on the bastard!
Taichi: Fine by me, as long as I get to kill him.
Veemon: You guys know he still wears his teddy bear PJs? I have pics for blackmailing purposes...
><>If there was one thing you could do now, what would it be?: Go find TC and beat him up for always getting in between Hikari and me
Takeru-chan: Let him try. I can fight as dirty as the next fella.
Diaboromon: Then move over and we'll send the next fella after Daisuke.
Hikari-chan: Now I'M ready to kill him!
Yamato-chan: So am I!
Azulongmon: Now THERE'S someone who needs to re-learn his ABC's.
><>Describe your ideal boyfriend/girlfriend: Hikari!
><>What do you find yourself daydreaming about?: Hikari!
Mimi-chan: He's got a one-track mind.
Takeru-chan: And the train's derailed.
Mimi-chan: Sorta like what's-her-name from that Tiny Toons show...Elmyra?
Palmon: @.@ (jumps onto Mimi’s head at the mention of the name) AH! BOOGYMAN!
Azulongmon: (hides under the rug) DON'T MENTION THAT NAME!
(Diaboromon de-digivolves all the way from Mega to In-Training)
Jelicomon: NEVER SPEAK THE NAME OF SATAN’S SPAWN AGAIN!
Christochi-chan: (pulls Jelicomon off him) Jelicomon, chill! Chill! You're in a forest, okay? With Sakura from CCS. And you're very warm.
Jelicomon: I don't want Sakura. I want Sailor Jupiter.
Christochi-chan: You've been hanging around Gabumon too long. You're turning into a wolf.
><>What's the funniest thing you and your friends ever did?: I dunno
Yamato-chan: Funny, he remembers Hikari, but nothing else.
Takeru-chan: Uh, what friends does he mean?
><>What's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?: She talked to me!
Veemon: If that's romantic, I'm a Gorillamon!
Mimi-chan: Keep Michael's family outta this.
Michael: God-damned straight!
><>What's the most romantic thing someone has said to you?: Buzz Off
All: -_-;;;;;;;;; Hopeless.
><>Who did these things?: Hikari!
Hikari-chan: Figures. He would put down anything I say or do as romantic.
Christochi-chan: So would someone else I know, eh squirt? (nudges Takeru)
Takeru-chan: Shaddap! (punches Chris)
(Hikari slaps Taichi)
Taichi-chan: I didn't say anything!
Hikari-chan: That's for what you were thinking of saying.
Sora-chan: She has you there.
><>What's the dumbest thing you've done?: Left TC alone with Hikari
Takeru-chan: Actually, that's the smartest thing he's ever done, and I wish he'd do it more often.
Hikari-chan: Same here!
Koushiro-chan: Then it's unanimous.
><>Why is it the dumbest thing you've done?: He made a move on her
Hikari & Takeru: WE WERE JUST FRIENDS AT THE TIME, DUMBASS!!
Jyou, Koushiro, Yamato & Taichi: Surrrre, you were. (all 4 get slapped)
><>Pets? If so, what does it look like?: DemiVeemon, Veemon, etc. a blue bunny sort of
Veemon: I am no one's pet! I'll get him for that!
><>What do you normally wear to school?: Tai's goggles, shorts, shirt, vest
Hikari: And NEVER washes them.
All: PHEW!
><>Is your crush 'boyfriend/girlfriend material'?: Yes
Takeru-chan: Of course. If not, I wouldn't be dating her right now.
Jesanae-chan: Too true.
><>How long have you had a crush on him/her?: Since 4th grade
Hikari-chan: The horror...
><>Do you plan on telling him/her soon?: She knows
All: The Horror!
><>If not, why?: prev answer
><>Do you get stalked?: no
(Jelicomon digivolves back to Keramon)
Keramon: He IS the friggin’ stalker!
All DD: DUH!
><>By who?: see above
><>Why?: prev answer
Hikari-chan: Why? Because he's an ignorant, uncaring, selfish bastard who can't take a hint that-! Oh, it meant why someone would stalk him. My bad.
Jesanae-chan: The only one who'd stalk him would be a killer.
><>If you were offered a chance to have a 'roll in the hay' with your crush, would you?: Yes
All: O.O
><>Why or why not?: She's hot!
Hikari-chan: Oh my Kami-sama... (faints)
All: Hikari-chan!
Christochi-chan: Keramon, get a drink!
(Keramon runs over to the fridge, gets a cola can, and drinks it.)
All: GET HIKARI A DRINK, YOU DUMMY!
(Realizing his mistake, Keramon gets another cola can.)
Keramon: Here!
Taichi-chan: Nononono! Get her some water!
Hikari-chan: (wakes up) No, lemonade! (faints again)
All: O.O
Veemon: Oh, playing possum, eh? (seizes cola can from Keramon, shakes up can really fast, then sprays it on Hikari)
Hikari-chan: Ack! HEY!
Veemon: It worked.
><>Will he/she see this?: Yes
All: Too late for that!
><>Now send this back to the person who sent it to you and forward it to someone else.
Azulongmon: One guess who he'd send it to.
Hikari-chan: What are you trying to do, Chris? Kill me?!
Chris: Look at it this way, you've lost some weight.
Takeru-chan: ARE YOU SAYING SHE'S FAT?!
Christochi-chan: No, just saying... and that she'll have room for the pizza I ordered for all of us.
Azulongmon: Yay!
Veemon: Pizza par-tay-tay-tai-ie!
Jesanae, Zeke, Jaina, & Theresa: Well, Chris, we accept your apology.
Jacen-chan: And furthermore, you can have a slice or two.
Christochi-chan: Well, then I guess you guys can pay for it.
Jyou-chan: Sure, we could--Hey! That's cheating!
Azulongmon: I hope you ordered more than two pies. I'm so hungry I could eat a MasterTyrannomon.
Veemon: Uh, you had one for lunch, remember?
Gatomon: Well, Until it gets here, you guys can clean up the used barf bags.
Hikari-chan: Why us?
Christochi-chan: You used them, toots, and Jyou supplied them. Be thankful I'm not charging for the carpet you ruined.
All DD: (groans)
Keramon, Gabumon, & Lyeernmon: (face audience) So long, folks!
(Davis finally regains conciousness.)
Daisuke-chan: Hey guys! So, how was Chris’s new fic?
(Chris notices he’s awake.)
Christochi-chan: Ah shit. (reaches for his D3 Digivice and D-Terminal) Keramon, knock him out for awhile, will ya?
Keramon: Sure thing, Chris. Let’s use Miracles.
Christochi-chan: Golden Digiegg of Miracles…Golden-Armor Energize!
*<>* Keramon Golden-Armor-Digivolves to…GoldD-Genermon….The Golden God of Degeneracy!
GoldD-Genermon: Golden Needle Injection Strike!
Daisuke-chan: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE END
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