(Kagome finishes her tea, sighs in resignation, and leaves down the well. She lands SPLAT on Inu-Yasha, who is coming the other direction. They end up in the well’s bottom, having confused the trans-time mechanism.)

Both: OUCH!

Kagome: Why are you here?

Inu-Yasha: You were taking too long!

Kagome: I was coming, you jerk!

Inu-Yasha: Why do women always have to take forever?

Kagome: Why do men have so little patience?

Inu-Yasha: Feh.

Kagome: Hmmph!

(They climb out of the well into Inu-Yasha’s time. Shippo bounces up to them. Miroku “helps Kagome out of the well.”)

Miroku: So good to see you, Lady Kagome!

Inu-Yasha: Grr.....

Shippo: We heard that a really freaky snake demon in the north has a shard! Let’s go!

Kagome: I want a bath first.

Miroku: Hmm.....

Inu-Yasha: So why don’t YOU and I go talk to Shippo about this shard, hmm?

(Inu-Yasha drags a rather disappointed Miroku off to one side.)

Shippo: Vixen. You’ll be okay without us?

Kagome: I’m sure I’ll be fine.....

(Shippo leaves to join Inu-Yasha. Kagome has no sooner finished taking off all her clothes when she is attacked by a demon.)

Kagome: EEEK!

Miroku: (who is for some reason still nearby) I’ll save you, Lady Kagome!

Kagome: EEEK! Sit!

(Inu-Yasha plummets to the ground.)

Kagome: Oops. Sorry, reflex.

(She throws rocks at Inu-Yasha, Miroku and the demon. Attempting to help, Shippo throws foxfire and incinerates her clothes.)

Demon: Hsss!

Kagome: EEEK!

(Shippo absents himself.)

Miroku: (menaced by demon) Save me, Lady Kagome!

Inu-Yasha: (still picking himself up from his splat) Isn’t this that freaky snake demon you were talking about, Shippo? Shippo?

Shippo: (appearing) It’s the scariest, nastiest demon ever! (disappears again)

(The demon moves into the light. It is pink and appears to be wearing bunny ears.)

Inu-Yasha: Nope, I was wrong.

Miroku: (still under attack) Run away! (a la Monty Python)

Kagome: Miroku, you wuss!

Miroku: Lady Kagome, you are still unclothed? I must sacrifice—take mine!

Kagome: I think I can manage. (boots Miroku to kingdom come)

(The demon’s clown nose glows fuschia.)

Inu-Yasha: A Shikon shard!

(Inu-Yasha rips off its nose. It screams and Inu-Yasha is buried in confetti. Kagome fashions a little fig-leaf halter and loincloth and commences to try to splash her way out of the water.)

Demon: Now you will all die! Feel the wrath of Binkyroku!

(Inu-Yasha splutters. Sessho-maru appears and lifts an eyebrow at the confetti in his hair.)

Sessho-maru: I see you are enjoying my latest pet. Good Binkyroku, have a Scooby Snack.

Inu-Yasha: YOU dreamed up this thing?

Sessho-maru: I shall not listen to you. I listen only to—Mr. Bimble. (holds up thumb a la Fozzy Bear)

Inu-Yasha: That explains a lot.

(Kagome throws a rock at Binkyroku. It turns and spews pink gook on her until she cannot be seen.)

Miroku: Lady Kagome!

Binkyroku: Hah! She will be a pathetic shell of a person, with bad taste and candy-striped hair! HAHAHAHA!

Inu-Yasha: No!

Shippo: (reappearing) Did I miss anything? (sees Sessho-maru) Scooby Snacks! Yay! (steals box and runs away)

(Sessho-maru’s hair blows back and his eyes crackle.)

Sessho-maru: You have made Mr. Bimble—ANGRY!

(Shippo flees for his life, leaving a trail of Scooby Snacks. Binkyroku stops spewing gook and starts eating them. Inu-Yasha grabs Kagome and pulls her out of the goop. Her fig leaves are magenta with purple polka-dots.)

Inu-Yasha: EEK! My nails are pink!

Kagome: Oh, pipe down! Where I come from, people pay money to get nails that shade!

Inu-Yasha: What would my mommy have said? (weeps)

Miroku: (returning from kingdom come) Why Lady Kagome, that is a most attractive ensemble.....

(Shippo and Inu-Yasha stomp him into the dust.)

Kagome: (retrieves bow and arrows) G-Get away! (menaces Binkyroku)

Sessho-maru: Mr. Bimble shall exact his revenge! BIMBLE VENOM!

(Everybody takes cover. Kagome shoots Sessho-maru. She hits his thumb.)

Kagome: Uh-oh.....

Sessho-maru: MR. BIMBLE! NOOOO!

Inu-Yasha: Kagome, look out!

Sessho-maru: Mr. Bimble, speak to me! (listens) Mr. Bimble is wounded! Now you all will die!

(Inu-Yasha draws the Tetsusaiga and hacks the thumb off altogether. He grabs all of his companions and they escape.)

Sessho-maru: Ack! Mr. Bimble!

(Binkyroku, in his quest for Scooby Snacks, accidentally eats the thumb.)

Sessho-maru: MR. BIMBLE!

(He performs the Heimlich maneuver on Binkyroku.)

(Meanwhile, as night falls on our heroes.....)

Miroku: I must say, Lady Kagome, purple does suit you.

(Inu-Yasha gnaws on his nails. Shippo offers Kagome a Scooby Snack to assuage her anger.)

Kagome: No, thank you, Shippo.

(They all set up camp and try to get some sleep, though they aren’t very successful. Inu-Yasha sits watch, his eyelids drooping. Presently, an amorphous form seems to materialize out of the trees.)

Inu-Yasha: Ack!

Thing: IIIIIIII am the ghooooost of Mr. Biiiiiiiimbllllllle.....

(Inu-Yasha has a heart attack and wakes up.)

Kagome: Are you all right? You were just sitting there and you suddenly shrieked—

Inu-Yasha: I must have dozed off.....Nothing.....

(Miroku rolls over. Somehow in his sleep his robe catches on Kagome’s halter top and rips it off.)

Inu-Yasha & Kagome: EEEEK!

(Shippo faints headfirst in his Scooby Snacks.)

(They get it all sorted out by morning, by which time nobody has gotten any sleep besides the unconscious Shippo. They all grumpily head northward to where the freaky snake demon is said to be.)

Shippo: Kagome, what happened to your nose?

Kagome: Huh?

Inu-Yasha: Egad! It’s pink!

Myoga: (popping up from nowhere) Yes, I’m afraid that without treatment, Lady Kagome will slowly turn saccharine colors and lose her fashion sense! It is the curse of Binkyroku’s venom!

Shippo: The horror.....the horror.....

Inu-Yasha: So, BUG now you show up!

Myoga: I—EEP! (is splatted)

Miroku: I solemnly vow that I will find a cure for you, Lady Kagome! (glomp)

Kagome: No THANKS! (boom)

Inu-Yasha: This is terrible! Are you sure of this, Myoga? (bug nods) We have to take care of this right aw—

(The freaky snake demon appears, shreds of Miroku’s robe hanging from its teeth. It advances.)

Kagome: Oh, no! It got Miroku! Oh, I shouldn’t have booted him that way, even if he was a lech.....

(Miroku comes dashing in in his birthday suit, arms flailing.)

Miroku: Help me, Lady Kagome!

Kagome: EEEEK! (crash)

(Inu-Yasha draws the Tetsusaiga and makes a flying slice at the snake. He misses and lands on Kagome. Her halter rips off again.)

Kagome: EEEEK! (crash)

Myoga: Perhaps, my dear, you should find a more durable top—

Kagome: What would YOU know about it?

(Inu-Yasha makes another pass at the snake. It knocks the Tetsusaiga away and runs over Miroku. Inu-Yasha, desperate, grabs Shippo’s box of Scooby Snacks and shoves it down the snake’s throat. It chokes and dies.)

Shippo: My SCOOBY SNACKS!

Inu-Yasha: All right! (retrieves Shikon shard from snake)

Shippo: WAAAAAH!

(Kagome fixes her halter and does a happy dance for winning. Miroku looks for clothing, doing an unnecessary amount of bending and flexing. Inu-Yasha beans him and ties the top of his robe around Miroku’s waist.)

Kagome: Thank you.

Inu-Yasha: Any time.

Shippo: You’re so meeeean.....

Inu-Yasha: So, Myoga, how do we find a cure for Kagome?

Myoga: There is a special flower that grows deep in a cave in the west. The juice of this flower can cure her, but it is guarded by a fearsome demon beast! You must hurry, Lord Inu-Yasha, before it spreads any more!

Kagome: Eek! My ears are chartreuse!

Shippo: This is a disaster! Let’s go! What are you waiting for?

(They kick Miroku into wakefulness and hurry west. After a moment of annoyance in which Shippo gets stuck in a hole, they reach the cave. It is black with a foul scent and mist. Kagome hums to herself, picking cheerful bluebells.)

Myoga: Let’s hope we’re not too late!

Kagome: (brightly) Too late for what, dear?

Inu-Yasha: Ick.....

Shippo: Oh, Kagome, how horrible!

(Miroku seizes his chance.)

Miroku: You’re looking lovely today, Lady Kagome, care to go for a walk with me?

Kagome: Oh! (titter)

Miroku: I particularly like the baby-blue.....ah, shoulders.

Inu-Yasha: (splatting Miroku) That’s enough!

Shippo: (donning Terminator sunglasses) Let’s go in.

(Meanwhile, miles away.....)

Sessho-maru: (nursing his reattached thumb) Mr. Bimble shall have his revenge! NYAAHAHAHA!

(Back at the cave.....)

Kagome: Oh, look! This ladybug is so cu-u-u-ute!

Miroku: Medic.....

(Inu-Yasha and Shippo cautiously enter the cave as Myoga stays behind to suck on the incapacitated monk. At first, nothing happens. Then.....)

Shippo: What’s that?

Inu-Yasha: What’s what?

Shippo: I saw something!

Inu-Yasha: I’m surprised you can see anything at all in the dark with those things on.

(A tiny brown form comes into view.)

Inu-Yasha: A HAMSTER?! You have got to be kidding me.....

Myoga: (who has followed them in) Oh, no! It’s the Saber-Toothed Hamster Demon of Doom! Take cover!

Inu-Yasha: You can’t really expect us to believe this little runt is—

(The hamster opens its mouth to reveal saber teeth longer than its body. It mreeps menacingly. Inu-Yasha shrugs and casually hacks it in two with the Tetsusaiga.)

Inu-Yasha: So let’s get on with it.

(They trek to the back of the cave and find the flower. When they come back out, however, Miroku and Kagome are gone.)

Shippo: GYAAA! Who knows what he’ll do to her? Eek! Ack! Ock!

(He runs around in circles until Inu-Yasha steps on him.)

Inu-Yasha: Shut up, fool! (grabs Shippo and charges off to find them)

(A short distance away.....)

Miroku: Lady Kagome, will you bear my child?

Kagome: Oh, could I, sweetums?

Miroku: I’m so happy! (glomp)

(Kagome’s eyes flash. Some last vestige of her old self shines through and she boots him into the air.)

Miroku: Curses! Foiled again!

(He lands on Inu-Yasha’s head.)

Inu-Yasha: Ow!

Shippo: Yo, Miroku.

Kagome: (in the distance) I love you, you love me.....

Inu-Yasha: What were you doing with Kagome? Answer me! (bonk bonk)

Miroku: (looking innocent) Why, Lady Kagome and I were merely taking a brisk—

Shippo: Flight?

(Miroku gives him the Buddha’s Wrath glare.)

Inu-Yasha: Oh, never mind! I hear her this way! Let’s go!

(When they reach Kagome, she swoons fetchingly and giggles.)

Myoga: Oh, no! Her tongue is Easter yellow! Administer the juice, quick!

Inu-Yasha: Here, Kagome, drink this!

Kagome: But that looks icky!

Inu-Yasha: If you drink it, I’ll give you—um—a licorice drop!

Kagome: Really? Pinkie-swear?

Inu-Yasha: (sigh) Pinkie-swear. Now drink it!

(Kagome drinks the juice down and falls into a boneless heap.)

Shippo: AAAAH! Kagome, speak to me!

Miroku: Look, her normal color is returning!

(Kagome’s eyes flutter and open.)

Kagome: Inu-Yasha?

Miroku: Lady Kagome! You’re all right! (glomp)

Kagome: Get OFF! (boom)

Shippo: She’s back!

Miroku: (sourly from a tree) Yaay.....

Shippo: So everything’s back to normal now!

Sessho-maru: Not quite!

Everyone: ACK!

(Sessho-maru stands by with Jaken and a constipated-looking Binkyroku. His eyes glint as he raises his thumb to the sky.)

Sessho-maru: It is time for Mr. Bimble to take his VENGEANCE!

(Lightning flashes, thunder rolls. Miroku falls out of his tree.)

(Everybody quickly assumes their routine battle positions. Kagome and Shippo hide behind a large rock. Inu-Yasha and Miroku squabble over the lead.)

Miroku: But I’m sexier!

Inu-Yasha: So what? I am the hero. You are a pervert with a robe around your waist.

Sessho-maru: Enough! Binkyroku, attack!

(Binkyroku begins to spew fluorescent orange stuff that looks like cottage cheese. Behind the boulder, Kagome EEKs. Miroku charges bravely forward, Inu-Yasha steps on his head and takes the lead, they both barely avoid the glop as they quibble.)

Shippo: Look out, Kagome! (they relocate as the boulder is covered in slime)

(Shippo, seeing no escape, grits his teeth and transforms. Inu-Yasha and Miroku quit fighting at the sight of a slender, purple duplicate of Binkyroku with enormous doe-like lashes.)

Binkyroku: Wowza! (stops spewing goo)

Shippo: Hiya there, big boy. I’m.....umm.....Slinkyroku! Wanna hang out?

Binkyroku: (dazed) Sure, gorgeous. Want my Scooby Snacks?

(Inu-Yasha barfs behind a tree.)

Sessho-maru: Mr. Bimble has ordered you to stay, Binkyroku!

(Binkyroku pays no attention. Sidling up alongside Shippo, the demon gives him a lick on the face.)

Shippo: GYAAA! (de-transforms)

Binkyroku: EEEE! Slinky, my love, where did you go?

Shippo: (spread-eagled on the ground) No.....No.....I can’t do it.....

(Binkyroku runs off into the woods, weeping.)

Inu-Yasha: Way to go, Shippo!

Sessho-maru: Stop! Come back! I order you! I WILL BRING THE WRATH OF THE BIMBLE DOWN UPON YOUR HEAD! Ah, dammit! I am so sorry, Mr. Bimble! I was weak! Forgive me! But I shall make it up to you, by destroying the perpetrators of your—

(Inu-Yasha beans him, knocking him out.)

Shippo: I’ve never felt so dirty! (runs off to take bath)

Inu-Yasha: Finally, I can take him out! (cracks knuckles)

Miroku: No! I wanna kill him!

(Inu-Yasha a Miroku get into a catfight. Cries of “No, ME!” come out of the mass of dust.)

Kagome: (stomping on Miroku and grabbing Inu-Yasha’s ears) NOBODY is going to kill him!

Inu-Yasha & Miroku: What?!

Inu-Yasha: And just why do you think I should spare his miserable life?

Kagome: Because he woke up and ran away while you were fighting.

Inu-Yasha & Miroku: (face-fault)

(There is a scream from the distance.)

Kagome: That was Shippo!

(They all turn to stare as Sessho-maru’s giant ogre appears in the sky. Sessho-maru, riding on its shoulder, holds Shippo up and grins.)

Sessho-maru: Now do you understand the price of defiance? Come and offer yourself to as sacrifices to Mr. Bimble before sunset, or he dies!!!

Kagome: How heartless!

(The ogre disappears in a mass of shimmers, which turns out to be Jaken blowing glitter at it. They make good their escape.)