SHIPPO IS GONE, KIDNAPPED BY THE TERRIBLE MR. BIMBLE! OH, NO! ::E-DIMINISHED CHORD:: REJOIN OUR HEROES AS THEY DEVISE A DARING RESCUE PLAN!
Inu-Yasha: *@&%^!!..... Miroku: I shall meditate upon this. (sits down and goes ommmm) (Inu-Yasha smacks him.) Kagome: Oh, what can we do? (lightbulb flash) Wait, I have an idea! Inu-Yasha & Miroku: Huh? (Meanwhile.....) Shippo: You evil ****! (bites Sessho-maru’s fingers) Sessho-maru: Such language in Mr. Bimble’s presence! And a brazen attempt on his life! Two unforgivable sins! Shippo: Mmmrp! (holding on) Jaken: (prying him off) You had best cooperate if you value your life! Shippo: Cram it, you creep! (Sessho-maru is about to swat him when Kagome appears, dragging the captive Inu-Yasha behind her and holding aloft the Shikon Jewel and the Tetsusaiga. Shippo freaks out.) Kagome: Oh, please, Lord Sessho-maru, take this humble sacrifice and let poor Shippo go! Shippo: Kagome! You came to rescue me! Inu-Yasha: What GIVES here?! Kagome: (kicking him surreptitiously) Oh worthy Sessho-maru, please ignore this lowly fool. Inu-Yasha: HEY! (A beatific smile spreads across Sessho-maru’s face.) Sessho-maru: You have pleased Mr. Bimble. You may have the fox kit back; we have no further use for him. (Kagome sticks the Tetsusaiga into the ground and heaves Inu-Yasha over to Sessho-maru. She retrieves Shippo and backs away.) Inu-Yasha: You’re just leaving me here? (Miroku does a little happy dance from his hiding place.) Kagome: You’re strong! I’m sure you’ll be just fine! Inu-Yasha: KAGOME! Kagome: Don’t be late for dinner! (scurries behind boulder) Inu-Yasha: Miroku, you jerk! I know you planned this! Where are you?! (Some bushes whistle innocently.) Sessho-maru: Finally, the Steel-Cleaving Fang is mine! Inu-Yasha: Feh. You can’t use it anyway. (Sessho-maru grins evilly.) Sessho-maru: You are right, I cannot.....but Mr. Bimble can! HAHAHA! Inu-Yasha: I don’t believe this! Jaken: Wait, woman. What about the Shikon shard? Kagome: Uh.....the trade has already been made! (runs) Sessho-maru: Your will, Mr. Bimble? (listens) Give up the shard to Mr. Bimble, foolish mortal! Do not heedlessly throw away his good favor! Kagome: EEEK! Inu-Yasha, help! Inu-Yasha: Gee, I’d like to, Kagome, but unfortunately I was TIED UP AND SOLD! Kagome: Oops. Shippo: We’re gonna die! Miroku: (stepping out of the bushes) I must save the Lady Kagome! (He pulls out his staff and spars with Sessho-maru, valiantly showing as much skin as possible. Shippo sneaks over to Inu-Yasha and starts gnawing on his ropes.) Kagome: Oh, Miroku! Go! Go! Inu-Yasha: Hey, HEY! (Sessho-maru stops sparring and kicks Miroku in the groin, causing him to fall down the hill mumbling about his “jewels”. He heads purposefully for the Tetsusaiga.) Sessho-maru: Now you will all die! (Binkyroku runs through, trampling Sessho-maru and wailing.) Everybody: (face-fault) Sessho-maru: (levering himself up and once again reaching for the Tetsusaiga) NOW you will all die! (He grabs the Tetsusaiga, and a wind erupts from it but does not repel him.) Inu-Yasha: Oh, no! He was right! (Then it shrinks down to the size of a toothpick.) Shippo: Don’t tell me Mr. Bimble is real?! Sessho-maru: (inspecting tiny sword) Hmm.....I seem to have made an egregious oversight. Mr. Bimble is too small to use the sword effectively. Inu-Yasha: What the hell just happened? Sessho-maru: No matter! You will STILL all die now! BIMBLE VENOM! Kagome: EEEK! (Little darts of venom expel from the thumb. Miroku, coming back over the hill, gets one right smack between the legs and falls down again. One hits Kagome and the others all miss.) Kagome: Oh! I feel.....dizzy..... (falls over) Shippo: KAGOME! Inu-Yasha: Now you’ve done it, Sessho-maru! I’ll—Hey, come back! (Shippo leaves off gnawing the ropes to bound to Kagome’s side.) Inu-Yasha: Shippo, you traitor! (thrash) (While Shippo runs in circles around Kagome, Inu-Yasha manages to chew his way out of the ropes and runs over. The dart of venom is embedded in Kagome’s halter, right in the middle of her chest.) Inu-Yasha: Kagome! Shippo: (wails) (Kagome sits up blearily.) Myoga: (popping up) You must remove the dart before the poison spreads, Lord Inu-Yasha! Inu-Yasha: Right! (reaches for dart) Kagome: EEEE! (slaps Inu-Yasha) Shippo: Kagome! You’re okay? Kagome: Of course I’m okay! Why wouldn’t I be? Myoga: That’s odd..... Inu-Yasha: But.....but.....(points again at her chest) Kagome: You pervert! Myoga: Ah, I see! Binkyroku’s slime made her fig leaves impenetrable! Shippo: Oh. Inu-Yasha: But you said you felt faint! Kagome: Did I? Shippo: This is Kagome we’re talking about. (Moment of silence.) Shippo: Hey, what happened to Miroku? Miroku: (from over the hill) UWAAAGUUUU! Kagome: He’s fine. Inu-Yasha: All right, let’s go! Sessho-maru, you can’t run away any more! I’ll find you! (Shippo holds up a little sign with “Dramatic Moment” printed on it.) (They collect the fetal Miroku and head after Sessho-maru, determined to this time retrieve the Tetsusaiga.) Sessho-maru: I have no fear! Mr. Bimble will protect his loyal servant! Kagome: I’m getting sick of hearing about Mr. Bimble. Mr. Bimble this, Mr. Bimble that..... Inu-Yasha: Let’s see how much he can protect you from! Shippo: Yeah! Miroku: Ohhh.....ohhh.....(writhes, slowly uncurling from his fetal ball) Kagome: Are you all right, Miroku? Miroku: L-Lady Kagome.....this.....I fear.....is my last hour.....the poison..... Kagome: Oh, poor Miroku! Is there anything I can do for you? Miroku: Perhaps.....you could.....fulfill my.....dying wish..... Kagome: Anything! (weeps) (Miroku states his dying wish.) Kagome: Except THAT! (bonk) Take the stupid medicine! (shoves a box of pills down his throat) Miroku: (grumbling) Mmrrpfff..... Sessho-maru: You will never regain the Steel-Cleaving Fang! It is Mr. Bimble’s, now and forever! WAHAHAHA! Miroku: (clearing out mouth) For the sake of Lady Kagome’s love, I shall— (Miroku gets kicked.) Inu-Yasha: Dying wish, eh? (to Sessho-maru) Hand it over! Sessho-maru: Never! It belongs to Mr. Bimble! Inu-Yasha: It does not! Sessho-maru: Does too! Inu-Yasha: Does not! Sessho-maru: Does too! Inu-Yasha: Does not! Sessho-maru: Does too! Inu-Yasha: Not! Sessho-maru: Too! (Sessho-maru, red in the face, waves his arms, dropping his dignity and looking for all the world like a sad cross between a monkey and a butterfly. The tiny Tetsusaiga falls to the ground. Inu-Yasha attempts to scoop it up, but Miroku beats him to it, booting him out of the way to occupy the spotlight.) Miroku: Aha! Now you will pay for threatening the lady Kagome! (The sword remains toothpick-sized.) Myoga: You’re not a demon! You can’t activate the aura! Miroku: Oh. Well, poop! (Inu-Yasha stomps on him and retrieves the blade.) Sessho-maru: (as the sword grows) Guide my hand and aid me, Mr.—OOF! (gets smacked in the chest by Kagome, who then scurries out of reach) Inu-Yasha: Kagome, stay out of the way! Kagome: I just didn’t want to hear that name again! Sessh-maru: Bad mortal! Bad, bad, BAD mortal! Shippo: Does this mean I don’t get any Scooby Snacks? (Sessho-maru sniffs disdainfully.) Sessho-maru: Scooby Snacks are for the worthy. Inu-Yasha: Enough! Fight me now, Sessho-maru! Sessho-maru: I shall, for the honor of—OOF! Inu-Yasha: CRIKEY, KAGOME! DO YOU NEVER LISTEN?! (Sessho-maru grabs Kagome and holds her in front of him as a shield.) Sessho-maru: I have your woman now, halfling! Let us see how you can defeat me! Kagome: EEEK! Inu-Yasha: Despite the fact that now is probably a bad time to say I told you so..... WILL INU-YASHA DESTROY KAGOME TO GET AT HIS HALF-BROTHER? WILL MIROKU SURVIVE THE SMACKS TO HIS GROIN? WILL SHIPPO EVER GET HIS SCOOBY SNACKS?
FIND OUT IN NEXT WEEK’S INSTALLMENT OF—
And the Bimble Smiled.....