“Digidestined Live”
A Documentary by Tachi Kamiya
(Blackness. Fumbling and bumping noises are heard. Tai’s voice, saying, “Hi and welcome—oh drat. Um, is it this button? Aha!” Picture comes into focus. Tai is holding the camcorder up, tilted downward to catch his face.)
Tai: Hi and welcome to “Digidestined Live.” I’m Taichi Kamiya, and I’ll be your cameraperson and host for this documentary. (tilts camera away and changes focus) (inside of apartment becomes clear) Now I’m leaving my apartment to check on our first subject, Sora Takenouchi.
(Camera wobbles as a gloved hand opens the door. It turns the corner and advances down the hallway.)
Tai: Some background on Sora: She’s got the Crest of Love, and her Digimon looks like a giant pink Sno-cone. We don’t really know why this is. Is it a reflection on her, or a sad accident of nature? (turns sideways) Here’s her apartment now.
(Knocks. Camera wobbles frantically and goes black as Tai hides it in his pocket. We hear the door open, and Sora saying, “Oh, hi, Tai. Come on in.” More bumping and fumbling noises, then Tai takes the camera back out. It focuses on Sora’s retreating back and Tai whispers, “See the helmet. Could she be afraid of being mugged?”)
Sora: (comes back in) I couldn’t find any—Tai! Is that a camcorder?
(Crashes. Camera bobs up and down, heading for the door. Sora’s voice yells, “Oh no you don’t!” The door opens and the camera races around the corner and down the hall.)
Tai: (breathlessly) As you can see, Sora is also an athlete.....
(Sound of running footsteps recedes. Camera stops jostling.)
Tai: She ditched the helmet for a while, but she may have been feeling nostalgic about her “lucky hat.” Of perhaps she felt.....unsafe? (camera wobbles to another doorway) Now, this is Davis’ room. Davis is a verrry cool guy with kickin’ fashion sense.
(Camera is hidden. Door clicks.)
Davis: Hi, Tai-man, wazzup?
Tai: Nothin’ much, just—ow!
(Crashes. Camera falls out onto floor to focus on a gaudy Elvis poster.)
Tai: Eeew! Are these your socks, D?
(The camera is yanked upwards to focus on Davis’ grinning face. A klunk is heard as he puts it on the dresser.)
Davis: Ahem. Yes, you’ve found the astounding Davis! Prepare for the ultimate!
Tai: I can’t find any clean space to stand up!
Davis: Yo, yo, my name is Davis, I’m hot and dead sexy, ow, ow, Kari will be mine, yo, yo, yo.....
Tai: Davis, help me here!
Davis: Who let the dogs out?.....
Tai: Davis!
Davis: Thaaat makes you laaarger than liiife.....
Tai: DAVIS!
(Tai’s hair bobs up behind Davis, who yelps and disappears from view. Scuffling sounds. The camera falls off the dresser.)
Tai: Shut up and hold still!
(The camera is picked up, and it bobs towards the door.)
Davis: Wait! I’m not done!
Tai: Yes, you are! (more bumping as Tai speeds up) (footsteps stop)
(The camera bobs along to another door. We see a gloved hand open it and the camera wanders through a feminine-looking room before zooming in on a shower, from which we hear running water. Someone is singing softly.)
Tai: Yo, sis!
(A blurry head and torso stick out of the shower.)
Kari: Is that you, Tai? Why—WHAT ARE YOU DOING???
(There is a crash from behind Tai. The camera turns.)
Tai: Davis! I told you, you’re DONE!
Davis: Is that—WOWZA!
Kari: AAAAH! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, TAI!
(Things implode. Camera dashes for the door. We see Davis’ shocked face for an instant, before Tai runs him over.)
Kari: EEEEYAAAA! (we hear the sound of concrete connecting Davis’ head and the *plap plap* of wet feet running down the hallway. We hear Davis say, very faintly, “Medic.....”)
(Camera ducks into the nearest room. We see wood grain close up and hear a bone-jarring crunch as the lens bounces off the doorframe. Then a surprised face under a boating hat appears.)
T.K.: What—?
Tai: RUN!
(The camera runs through the nice, neat apartment, and goes black as Tai hides behind the bathroom door. Sounds of mass carnage are in the background as he mutters, “That was Kari, my little sister. She has the Crest of Light and a crush on Takeru “T.K.” Takashi, whose apartment I’m in. Davis has a thing for Kari.” A huge crunching noise is heard.)
T.K.: Kari! Are you—@_@!!!!
Kari: AAH! MY TOWEL! DON’T LOOK, YOU PERV! (thunk)
Tai: T.K. is a kinda quiet kid with the Crest of Hope and a crush on Kari.
(“Ow!” “Eek, I’m sorry! AAH! Don’t look!”)
Tai: He also fights with Davis a lot. I dunno why. Well, time for me to split!
(The camera comes into focus in time for us to see Kari in her towel and T.K. KO’ed on the floor before Tai vaults past, slams the door and runs off down the hall. Behind us, we can hear Kari: “Eek! Your nose is bleeding, T.K.!”)
Tai: *huff huff* Ok, on to Ken Ichijoji. He’s a really cool genius, and he’s great a soccer. He used to be the Digimon Emperor, but now he’s mostly just a softie.
(He turns right, and hides the camera. Knocking.)
Ken: I’m sorry, but I’m busy now. I’m playing Wormmon at chess.
Tai: Aw, c’mon. Can’t I watch or something?
Ken: Very well. It might improve your game a little.
(Tai watches for a total of two nanoseconds before succumbing to boredom. Scuffling sounds as he suddenly hides behind a chair. The camera lens peeks out of the chair corner in time to catch Kari slamming the door open, still in her towel.)
Kari: TAI! I know you—huh?
(Ken faints.)
Wormmon: Eek! Ken!
Kari: (slapping him awake) I know my brother’s here! Where is he?!
Ken: I don’t know! He seems to have—
Kari: I SEE YOU, TAI!
Tai: Haircut time!
(The camera shoots towards the door. Tai can be heard, then Kari, then the camera falls to the floor. We hear Tai going, “Oof! But I didn’t do it on purpose!” More painful sounds. We can see Ken and Wormmon in the corner of the picture, sneaking the chessboard to another room.)
Kari: Ok, Tai, but don’t EVER bring him to my apartment again!
Tai: Ok.
(The camera is picked up and briefly goes into the next room.)
Tai: And this is Ken playing chess.....On to the next person! (camera runs out the door and down some stairs.) Remember, folks, this documentary is pay-per-view.
(The camera leaves the building, goes some blocks down the street, and enters a fancier complex.)
Tai: This is the apartment building of Yamato “Matt” Ishida. Matt’s my best friend, and he’s the filthy rich lead of a kick-ass rock band. He’s totally cool, except for the hair.
(We see Matt round a corner and duck as Tai and the camera zoom by. Temporary blackout. Next the camera focuses on Matt’s leg as he pulls Tai off the flor. Jostling as Tai retrieves the camera.)
Matt: NOW what are you doing?
Tai: Just smile and wave at the camera.
(Matt shrugs and waves at the camera, teeth and eyes sparkling. Then he suddenly gets a horrified look and flees into the adjoining room.)
Tai: Huh? Now, why—
(The camera falls to the floor again as Tai is mowed down. We hear a female voice singing, “YAMA-KUUUUN!!!” Tai picks himself up and retrieves the camera.)
Tai: That was Jun Motomiya, Davis’ sister. She’s got it for Matt in the worst way. Let’s investigate.
(Matt and Jun streak past. The camera moves to a wider shot and follows. Jun catches up to Matt and grabs his jacket, which he sheds to keep on going in only a wife-beater and tight jeans.)
Tai: Yamato Ishida, rock-star, in a skimpy white tank top! Feast your eyes, ladies! And remember, you saw it exclusively on “Digidestined Live,” a pay-per-view documentary by Taichi Kamiya! (keeps following, pulling into an extreme close-up and pan of Matt)
Matt: *@&%!!
(Jun grabs Matt’s knees in a football tackle and they go down. Tai and the camera, wisely, flee as the fight ensues.)
Matt: HEY! WATCH WHAT YOU’RE—
Jun: YAMA! *giggle*
(The camera bumps off to another apartment building, not as wealthy-looking.)
Tai: This is Joe Kido’s building. He’s studying to a be a doctor and his hair and phobias have both improved since we were in the Digiworld. He has more hair and fewer phobias, I mean. I even heard his allergies have disappeared.
(He knocks, hiding the camera. After a moment, he takes it back out.)
Tai: Sorry, folks. He’s not home. On to the next person. (heads for another room) Cody is a little kid of about 7 or 8. I don’t know his last name; I forgot. In fact, I don’t know much about him at all. Like Davis and Ken, he’s one of the new Digidestined.
(Muffled noises from within.)
Tai: Sounds like there’s more than one person at home, folks! (hides camera)
(He knocks. The door opens, and we hear Joe say, “Hi, come on in, Tai. Yolei and Izzy and I are working on Cody’s computer.” Scuffles, a clank. The door clicks shut behind.)
Tai: Hey guys, would you mind being filmed for a project I’m doing?
(Miscellaneous assent. The camera jostles, and focuses on Izzy as he putters away at his laptop. Yolei is messing with wires in the back of a PC monitor, while Joe reads through a technical manual.)
Tai: This is Joe, right here. The one we missed. Yolei is the one with lavender hair, and she’s got the Crests of Sincerity from Mimi, whom you have yet to meet, and Love from Sora. She’s a big mechanics whiz. Izzy is a computer geek of the highest caliber, the smartest one of us all except for maybe Ken and of course me. Here’s our little guy, Cody. (zooms in)
Yolei: I think I fixed—YEEK!
(Sparks fly from the computer into the camera. Temporary blackout, during which screams and fervent apologies can be heard, before Tai gets the camera refocused. There is a smoky haze around the four we can see.)
Cody: AAH! Don’t film me when this sort of thing happens! Go away!
Tai: But—
(Cody throws a miscellaneous computer part at the camera. There’s a crunch and a bone-jarring wobble as it bounces off. The camera turns and heads for the door at high speed. We can hear Joe in the background: “Cody, that’s an important part! We need it!”)
Tai: (now safely away) Ok, that was a flop, but on to Mimi’s. You’re in luck, folks. She lives in America now, but she’s back visiting with a friend. Mimi has pink hair now, with stars in it, but doesn’t wear all pink anymore. Phew. Anyways, she’s very sincere to match her Crest, and likes to go to the mall a lot. Typical chick.
(A door opens in front of the camera, leading into a room where everything is plastered pink. A large pink sign shaped like a heart is taped to the wall; it says, “Be Back Later! Love, Mimi!”)
Tai: Oh, well, she’s not here. But anyway, since we’re here, we’ll just take a peek inside and—
(The camera wobbles wildly and falls to the floor, to focus on a pink and white foot. We hear Mimi say, “Tai, don’t go in my room! You might mess something up!”)
Tai: No, don’t touch that camera, Mimi!
(The camera is picked up and focuses hazily on a feminine face framed by pink sparkles.)
Mimi: Oh, come on! I can handle a silly camera without—
Tai: That’s the battery! Don’t—
(The screen turns black.)
(Some obviously taped on credits appear with a very satisfied looking chibi Tai running around.)
THE END