The room was dim as it always was. Somehow she preferred it dark, she who had once yearned for the sunlight as her constant stay. She tidied quietly, the only sounds in the little room those of her own endeavors to keep up appearances. In truth, she didn’t much care if she lived in a sty, but she would swallow hot coals rather than let it show.
/This could be the night
The only night
There’s something you should know/
Even before she turned around, she knew he was there. She felt his presence like a cold touch, the fluttering of a moth’s feathered wing on her bare neck, beneath hair swept up at the nap. She looked slowly.
“So you’ve returned again.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“For the same reason I always do.”
“I thought as much.”
She turned her back on him and stood wordlessly with her hands by her sides. Maybe she trembled, just a bit. Maybe not.
The duster was limp in her grasp as her head dropped and she rested her chin on her breast. “You have to go. You know that. You can’t stay here.”
“So you always say.”
His hand touched her shoulder, like a caress. She took a step forward, away from it.
“Don’t you understand?”
/I don’t want you to want me
‘Cause I’ll hurt you in the end
I don’t need you to need me tonight
I’ll hold you tight
But I won’t come back again/
They stood in silence for a moment.
“I can’t let you stay. I can’t. It’s against my own nature, everything I’ve ever believed in all my life. If I let you, it could only be for tonight, and that would be . . . painful.”
“Why must you let others decide your life for you? I also go against my very being, even more than you. By being here, I become other than I am, other than any of my people have ever been. I am willing to risk death for this.”
“I just—can’t.”
/Don’t think it’s wrong
I just need somebody
And life goes on/
She suddenly turned and looked him in the eyes. Her own were dark as the room around her, clouded with pain that she couldn’t wish away.
“Just go!” she shouted at him. “Get out, now!”
In answer, he caught her up in an embrace, kissing her softly. When he released her, he said, “If that is what you truly desire, then that is what I must do.”
/Stay with me tonight
This only night
But don’t forget you know/
A tear shivered in her eye for just one moment. She wiped it away and turned her back once more. “No,” she whispered. “I don’t want . . .”
/I don’t want you to want me
‘Cause I’ll hurt you in the end
I don’t need you to need me tonight
I’ll hold you tight
But I won’t come back again/
“But,” he continued, his voice as quiet as hers, “only if that’s what you really want. Is it?”
“No,” she repeated, a little stronger. “No. I-I don’t want you to go.”
/Stay with me tonight
This only night
But don’t forget you know/
He kissed her again, a slight smile touching his shadowed features. “I thought as much.”
He lifted her off of her feet and bore her into the bedroom. The door clicked shut quietly.
/I don’t want you to want me
‘Cause I’ll hurt you in the end
I don’t need you to need me tonight
I’ll hold you tight
But I won’t come back again
Come back again
Come back again . . ./
He cast a glance over his shoulder at the house as he left it, the house that held his beloved, asleep in her sorrows. Maybe he trembled, just a bit.
Maybe not.