See Jou Run. Run, Jou, Run!
(On the bridge. All appears normal.)
Spock: Captain, are you aware of the fact that there is a giant, single-celled organism about to eat the ship?
Kirk: What? There IS?!
Spock: No, but I had to find some way to shock you out of your booze-and-babes trance.
Kirk: (grumbling) That was a dirty trick, Spock.
Spock: Undoubtedly, Captain. But I have to speak to you on a matter of utmost importance.
Kirk: What?
Spock: In private, please, Captain.
Sulu: Can I have the conn?
(Suddenly, a huge ion storm blows the ENTERPRISE off course. Cool lighting effects. The ship lurches, then stabilizes.)
Spock: Observe. There is now a planet where none existed before.
Sulu: The coordinate-reader thingie's going haywire! We must be in another dimension!
Chekov: How do you know?
Sulu: This is what always happens. I think we're under contract to do it every week or so.
Kirk: Sweet! We haven't been in another dimension for, like, a week! Let's beam down!
(They head to the transporter room and beam down. They materialize in front of a group of children with funky but cute little animals. The scrawny one with glasses screams and faints.)
Kids: ACK!
Kirk: Who are you?
Taichi: I'm Taichi, and this is Sora, Hikari, Takeru, Mimi, Koushiro, and Yamato, and the guy who fainted is Jou. Who are you?
Agumon: Don't forget us Digimon! I'm Agumon, and this is Biyomon, Gatomon, Patamon, Palmon, Tentomon, Gabumon, and Gomamon.
Sulu: What's a dijeemon?
Taichi: It's Digimon. Digital monsters.
Spock: That is illogical. Your composition is not at all machine-like.
Koushiro: Prodigious! Someone with an analytical mind!
(Spock and Koushiro begin to babble techno-talk.)
Yamato: Great. Jou's unconscious, Koushiro's in computer-nerd trance . . .
(Mimi and Uhura start chattering excitedly.)
Yamato: . . . and now Mimi's comparing hair tips. That's it. We'll never leave.
Takeru: Why not?
Taichi: We will. Don't be such a pessimist, Yamato.
Yamato: Fine then. You get everyone's attention.
Taichi: Okay, I will!
(Taichi sucks in his breath and holds it until he turns purple and collapses. Nobody even notices.)
Yamato: Well, THAT worked well.
Sora: Come on, everybody, we need to figure out what we're going to do.
Yamato: Go for it. I'm going into seclusion.
(Yamato sits and begins playing his harmonica. Takeru plops down, leans on Yamato, and goes to sleep.)
Uhura: (talking excitedly with Mimi) You know, you would really look good in blue. Have you considered a change in color?
Mimi: No way! Blue's ICKY against my hair! Speaking of hair, who does yours?
Uhura: I do. It's pretty easy. You just pull it up and pin it like this . . .
Sulu: (to Sora) Hey, watcha doin' tonight?
Sora: Well, I . . .
Kirk: Hey! That's my racket! Back off, helmsman!
Sora: I want nothing to do with either of you. I'm a teenager.
Kirk: I'm young at heart! C'mon . . .
Sora: No!
Yamato: Hey, leave her alone!
Chekov: C'mon, Hikaru, vhy don't you try for Flynn again? I'm sure she von't throw anything at you vhen you open your mouth this time . . .
Sulu: She misinterprets! I never said that!
Chekov: Vhatewer you say.
(Yamato punches Kirk as the captain puts the moves on Sora. Kirk punches him back. He falls to the ground, but gets back up with a snarl. Jou wakes up, takes it all in, and faints again.)
Takeru: No! Stop fighting! Please, Yamato!
Sora: Quit it!
(Sora throws her hat at Kirk and knocks him out.)
Yamato: (retrieving it) Good one, Sora.
Sora: I should say the same to you. Thanks.
Yamato: No problem.
Taichi: (who has woken up) What was that all about?
Sora: He was coming on to me.
Taichi: Who, Yamato?
(Yamato punches Taichi.)
Taichi: Ow! Hey, what was that for?
(Yamato turns away in disgust and sits down to play his harmonica again.)
Sora: Really, Taichi, when you don't know what's going on you should keep your mouth shut.
Taichi: Yeah, yeah, whatever, Mr. Spaz over there didn't have to freak out on me.
(Yamato ignores them. Kirk revives and decides that something needs to be done, or at least said.)
Kirk: Umm . . . sorry, Zora.
Sora: My name is SORA.
Kirk: Whatever.
(Chekov begins talking to Yamato about how the harmonica was invented in Russia.)
Kirk: Ensign! Now is not the time to talk about the glories of Russia! Get over here!
Chekov: Aye, ser.
(Yamato begins playing again. Takeru goes back to sleep.)
Kirk: Spock, come here!
Spock: (still talking to Koushiro) . . . and if you cross-connect the wires here and remove the panel to access the main interior circuit board . . .
Kirk: Mr. Spock!
(Computer bleeps.)
Koushiro: Prodigious! The Internet!
Kirk: Mr. Spock!
Spock: It's simple, really. To recharge without a power source, you must first connect the main --
Kirk: MR. SPOCK!!
Spock: Yes, Captain?
Kirk: Come here! NOW!
(Spock leaves to join Kirk.)
Koushiro: I knew it was aliens! I KNEW it!
(Kirk finally gets everyone together.)
Kirk: We need to know where we are! Spock, analysis.
Spock: This is not our own TV series. We appear to have been transported through the dimensional fabric by a flux in the space-time continuum caused by a relative surge of magnetic power generated by the ion storm.
Kirk: In Standard, please?
Sulu: He said the ion storm blew us into another TV series.
Spock: I believe I said that.
Taichi: What do you mean, another TV series?
Spock: Captain, the Prime Directive . . .
Kirk: Quite right, Spock. Sorry, we can't tell you.
Yamato: I don't like all this secrecy.
(Jou wakes up.)
Jou: Wh-Who are you?
Kirk: I am Captain James Tiberius Kirk of the Starship ENTERPRISE, and this is my crew: Lieutenant Commander Sulu, Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura, and Chief Medical Officer Dr. McCoy.
Chekov: You forgot about me, ser!
Kirk: Oh, right, this is Ensign Chekov.
Jou: H-Hi, everybody. What's going on?
Yamato: Not much. Taichi still hasn't decided what to do.
Chekov: Ditto for Keptin Kirk. (exchanges significant glance with Yamato)
Taichi: Right. Deciding what to do . . . I -- think we should keep moving.
Yamato: Is that your answer to all problems, motion?
Chekov: It's better than our keptin. His solution is to kill something, seduce some voman, or if that fails, beat me up.
Yamato: Wow. Sucks to be you.
Kirk: I'm the captain! You all have to listen to me! Sulu, Spock, Uhura, watch these kids. They could be Klingon spies. Chekov, go take readings. (waves vaguely towards a dark forest with red eyes in the branches) And you can take a few redshirts with you, Ensign.
Spock: That is illogical. They are not of our TV series. They cannot be Klingon spies.
Kirk: Don't argue!
Spock: Yes, Captain.
Chekov: Okay, you, you, you, and you, come vith me.
(Chekov leaves, four praying redshirts trailing behind. Ten seconds later, screams are heard, and Chekov and two redshirts come running back.)
Chekov: KE-E-EPTIN!
Kirk: What? Is something wrong, Ensign?
Chekov: This huge -- huge -- THING! It ate Robinson and Stevenson, ser!
(Something that looks like a giant purple dinner plate comes out of the woods.)
Tentomon: Oh, no! It's Macaronimon!
(The plate advance on one of Chekov's redshirts, who wails as he is devoured.)
Redshirt #4: Jefferson! (looks around in realization that he is the only one of the four left) HELP! (is eaten)
Chekov: It ate Peterson, ser! Vhat now?
Kirk: Shoot it!
(Predictably, their phasers do not go off.)
Taichi: We're going to have to fight!
Yamato: Come with me, Takeru!
(All of the Digimon Digivolve to Champion stage.)
Star Trek People: Cool . . .
Spock: Fascinating. They appear to have advanced to the next level in their evolutionary stages. It is quite possible that they are more advanced than any humanoid. If only it were possible to test it . . .
(Jou hides in a bush.)
Jou & Chekov: (simultaneously) We're going to die!
Mimi: Oh, that awful Macaronimon! Just LOOK how unwashed it is!
Uhura: Captain, I'm frightened!
Kirk: Run! (grabs Mimi’s arm) Don't worry, I'll save you, babe!
Mimi: Wow, thanks!
Greymon: Novablast! (fireball burnishes Macaronimon)
Garurumon: Howling Blaster! (blue lightning has no effect)
Uhura: Oh, I hate this thing!
(Uhura slaps Macaronimon. It dies.)
Taichi: Hey! You can’t do that! WE'RE supposed to beat the evil Digimon!
Uhura: Huh?
Kirk: Once again, good triumphs over evil! Muwahahaha! Still, the destruction of a sentient being . . . I may cry . . .
Mimi: Oh, I think my makeup smeared!
Koushiro: Fascinating. These foreigners appear to have a power of illogicity far exceeding even our own.
Spock: I beg to differ.
Koushiro: My apologies.
Chekov: I'm confused . . .
(Kirk starts to weep. Redshirts drop like flies.)
Uhura: Oh gods, pain . . . (falls down)
Chekov: Keptin, I don't think ve're supposed to kill another series' ratings . . .
Kirk: Quiet, Ensign. This is a public service.
Sora: Now, now, it's not that bad. They'll just be reborn as new data.
Sulu: Really?
Mimi: EEK!
Koushiro: Mimi?!
Mimi: It's a -- a -- a BUG! GET IT AWAY!
(A beetle too small to tell the color of sits motionless on Mimi's hat.)
Koushiro: *sigh* Hand me your hat, Mimi.
(Koushiro shoos the bug away. It drops to the ground, squirms, and starts to glow.)
Mimi: EEEK!
Kirk: Intergalactic threat! FIRE!
(Random phaser fire. Chekov is unable to work his. After he and Spock fight with it for a while, it fires soap bubbles.)
Chekov: Vhy me? Vhy, God?
Taichi: It must be an evil Digimon! Attack!
(Jou remains behind the bush. Yamato rolls his eyes in disgust.)
Mimi: EEEEEEEK! (grabs Koushiro)
Koushiro: Urk! (turns weird colors)
Sora: It's just a beetle . . . ack! (dodges phaser fire) (is hit with soap bubbles)
Koushiro: Air! Air! (choke)
Mimi: EEEEEEE!
Spock: Most illogical.
Yamato: It's a lightning bug. You can quit killing it now. (nobody pays any attention)
Koushiro: Gack! (passes out)
Mimi: AAA!
McCoy: He's dead, Jim!
Hikari: Oh, no!
Jou: Mimi! You killed him!
Mimi: But I didn't MEAN to!
Taichi: He isn't dead! He just needs a coupla whacks to wake him up!
(Yamato trips Taichi as he advances on Koushiro.)
Taichi: Ow! Hey, Yamato! What'd you do that for?
Yamato: Gee, I wonder.
Sora: Contrary to popular belief, Koushiro doesn't function the same way as his laptop.
Chekov: (comfortingly) It's okay, Mimi. People die all the time vhere ve come from.
Mimi: Oh, this is so sad! I wanna go home! (drapes flower garlands all over Koushiro)
Koushiro: Huh?
Mimi: Hey! You're alive! (bestows suffocating hug)
Sora: He won't be unless you let him get air.
Taichi: See! I told you he wasn't dead!
Mimi: I'm so sorry! I'll never kill you again! (glomp)
Koushiro: Waaah! (flails wildly) I mean, that's okay, really!
Spock: Fascinating. A human courtship ritual.
Kirk: What's that, Spock?
Spock: It is quite simple, Captain. There is an obvious affection between the individuals known as Koushiro and Mimi, as well as between Sora and Taichi.
Sora: What?!
(Koushiro blushes an incredible shade. Taichi faints. Mimi, oblivious, continues suffocating Koushiro.)
McCoy: (examining Taichi) He's dead, Jim!
Sora: WHAT?!
Jou: The aliens killed him! Run!
Yamato: Let's give him a few whacks and see if he wakes up.
Kirk: No fair! All the chicks are taken! (turns to Hikari) So, what're you doing tonight?
Sulu: Ick! Captain!
(Chekov bubbles Taichi. No effect.)
Chekov: Vell, I figured it vas vorth a try.
(Spock pulls out his tricorder. It emits whirrs and clicks.)
Spock: Something is approaching, Captain.
Kirk: FIRE!
(Gennai is vaporized.)
Yamato: Well, so much for that . . .
Sora: Hey, we need him!
(Mimi drowns Taichi in flowers. Jou screams uncontrollably.)
Jou: He's dead! He's dead! He's --
(Chekov bubbles Jou. He faints.)
McCoy: He's dead, too, Jim!
(Flowers rise to chest level.)
Sora: Ack!
Yamato: Hey, where's Takeru?
(Everyone starts searching the flowers for Takeru, Hikari, and Koushiro, who have disappeared beneath them. Sora trips and falls on Taichi, who has a heart attack and wakes up.)
Taichi: Wha -- Gack! (chokes on flowers)
(A corner of a backpack appears. The flowers jiggle.)
Yamato: Takeru! (flounders over and extracts his brother)
Spock: I am picking up a reading, Captain.
(Sounds of uncontrollable sneezing.)
Mimi: Oh, that's just Jou.
Yamato: Keep looking.
(A laptop appears above the flowers. The screen reads, "SOS.")
Taichi: There's Koushiro.
(Mimi heads for him, but falls over into the flowers. Her hat wanders around for a while before she resurfaces.)
Taichi: But where's Hikari?
Uhura: We've got her, Captain.
(Chekov appears, Hikari piggy-back.)
Hikari: Thank you, nice man.
Chekov: You're wery velcome. At least you didn't call me a boy. (looks meaningfully at Kirk and crew)
McCoy: Don't get started with me. I may have to give you a physical.
Kirk: Fire until we've cleared these flowers!
(Chekov amuses Hikari with his bubbles.)
(Five tons of flowers and three redshirts later . . .)
Mimi: Everyone's alive! Yay! (suffocates Koushiro) (is bubbled by Chekov) EEEEK! My SKIRT got SOAPY! (drops Koushiro)
Jou: These aliens are dangerous! Let's get away!
Taichi: Don't be such a wimp, Jou.
Kirk: Anyway, let's make meaningful contact.
Sora: And what exactly do you mean by that . . .?
Kirk: It's simple, really . . .
(Mimi, Sora, and Hikari flee. Chekov bubbles Kirk.)
Kirk: Ensign! Go to your room!
(Suddenly, Piedmon appears from somewhere.)
Digimon People: Piedmon!
Uhura: A clown! Oh, how cute! Do a funny dance for us, Mr. Clown!
(Piedmon, outraged, kills a random redshirt.)
Chekov: Cossack!
Piedmon: Die!
(Chekov, out of redshirts and options, bubbles Piedmon, who dies instantly.)
McCoy: He's dead, Jim!
Taichi: WHAT?!
(Jou faints.)
Mimi: Hooray! (glomp)
Koushiro: Ack!
(Kirk's communicator chirps.)
Kirk: Scotty! What's happening?
Scotty: (over communicator) I've figured a way back home!
Kirk: Good work!
Taichi: Wait a second! You can't just --
Sora: Oh, shut up! (grabs Taichi and kisses him)
Kirk: No fair!
(Taichi faints.)
McCoy: He's dead, Jim!
Kirk: Scotty, beam us up!
Koushiro: Beam? What --
(They beam up.)
Kirk: Warp factor 6, Mr. Sulu!
(They warp off, heading for an anomaly that will take them home.)
Spock: What a fascinating culture.
(Everyone fails to notice the Poyomon hiding under Kirk's chair as they warp off.)
(Meanwhile . . .)
Mimi: (throwing flowers) Bye! Bye! Come back and visit, okay!
Takeru: Wow, they sure were weird, huh, Yamato?
Yamato: Yeah.
Sora: For God's sake, Taichi, get up.
Koushiro: What a fascinating culture.
Hikari: What do we do with all these extra flowers?
(And their quest continues as before. At least, as soon as Jou gets out from under the flowers, that is.)