Isn't Love Wonderful?
A Digi-Fic
(We see a large wooden structure in the Digiworld. A large wooden sign says, "Welcome to the Digi-Tavern". Inside.....")
Davis: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Tai: *glpglpglp*
Sora: Honestly.....
T.K.: *shnrzzz.....*
Matt: (sips his lemonade) I think Tai's skirting the world record for dumb-ass bar-hopping. This is the fourth one today.
Mimi: Oh! (looks shocked)
Sora: No swearing! Think of the children!
(Matt looks off into the distance, blushing faintly. Tai passes out in his "root beer".)
Davis: Haha! LOSER!
Izzy: At least this bar has a phone jack. *typetype*
(Suddenly, the air over Mimi and Yolei shimmers and an interesting little figure appears. It bears and incredible resemblance to chibi Gennai in a tutu, with pink gossamer wings.)
Kari: Um.....hello. (jostles T.K. awake)
Pink Gennai Thing: I was passing through and I felt great amounts of unresolved romance! I am the Digi-Fate-Destiny-Couple Fairy!
(Ken attempts to sneak out, but trips over the prostrate Tai.)
Fairy: I'm going to establish once and for all who's meant to be with whom!
(Vast silence)
Davis: Wanna drink?
Joe: (returning from the bathroom) Ack! What's that thing?
Fairy: I am the Digi-Love Fairy! I will set you and your destined love on the path to romance!
(Joe passes out in Mimi's lowfat yogurt.)
Mimi: Eek!
Fairy: I shall now reveal your one true love! (he frowns and drops glitter and Joe and Tai, who revive)
Tai: Wuh.....?
Fairy: Furthermore, when your love is revealed to you, you must kiss to cement the bond of love!
Matt: .....
Davis: Ick!
(The fairy puts all the girls in a line, Sora first, then Mimi, Kari, and Yolei.)
Fairy: Now then.....(turns to Sora) Your true love is.....*beedeebeedee* HE WITH THE RIDICULOUS HAIR!
(All the old-gen Digidestined look at Tai. All the new-gen look at Davis. T.K. looks at Matt, who smacks him.)
Ken: Some clarification is in order, I think.
Fairy: (points) That one.
(Sora jumps up and kisses Tai hard. His eyes get wide, and he sits down hard and barfs on the floor.)
Kari: Eeew! Brother!
Sora: (dragging Tai by the pant leg) Bath-time, Tai.
Tai: Wurg.....
Fairy: Now then.....(causes windows to close to keep the guys from escaping)
Cody: My mom TOLD me kissing was bad for you!
Fairy: Now you, young lady!
Mimi: Oh! Teehee!
Fairy: Your true love is.....HE WHO CAN DECODIFY A SQUARK!
(Izzy suddenly becomes aware of people peering at him over the computer screen.)
Izzy: Huh?
Davis: What's a squark?
Mimi: Yayyy!
(She picks Izzy a full foot off the floor and kisses him. Apparently very well, because his head makes a popping sound and he floats towards the ceiling.)
Mimi: Oh, dear!
Cody: See? It's unhealthy, I tell ya!
(Izzy opens his eyes, notices his current elevation, and plummets into Mimi's arms.)
Izzy: SQUARK!
Mimi: You're so cu-u-ute! (carries Izzy off)
Fairy: Ah, love is so beautiful. You with the blue hair, stop blubbering. Now, your turn, Miss. (Kari steps up timorously) Your love is.....
Davis: ME! ME! (the fairy frowns and hits him with its tutu)
Fairy: Now, as I was saying.....your true love is.....HE WHO SUCKS AT BOATING BUT STILL WEARS A BOATING HAT!
Kari: WHEEE!
(She leaps into T.K.'s arms and they kiss passionately. Davis combusts.)
Davis: NOOOOO! (he attempts to kill them with a barstool, but Matt breaks his glass of lemonade over his head)
Matt: Rats. Waste of good lemonade.
Davis: Wurg.....
(Kari and T.K. skip, shedding flowers. Matt collects them, dumps them on davis, and orders another lemonade.)
Fairy: All right, down to the last few pairs.....young man! Put that noose away this instant! Now, madam, your true love is.....HE WHO FRATERNIZES WITH WORMS!
(Yolei looks at Davis, then back at the fairy with a pleading expression.)
Fairy: Not that one, dummy!
Davis: Hey!
(Yolei skips over, pulls Ken out from under the table where he is hiding with Cody, kisses him, and drags him off under her arm.)
Cody: (coming out) It's safe now. He's done.
Fairy: Foolish young one. Who says I'm done?
Cody: But all the girls are gone! It's just us four guys!
Fairy: So?
(moment of silence)
Cody, Joe, Davis & Matt: YAAA! NOOOOO!
Fairy: Calm down. This isn't a yaoi fic. (Joe comes out from under the bar) I just wanted to let you know that just because your love isn't here, doesn't mean you don't have one.
(Joe and Davis get drunk and weep in their root beer.)
Fairy: In fact, you—(points to Matt)—definitely have one.....she's just not in the Digiworld right now.....but her aura is so, ahm, vivid that I can't help but sense her. Hm.....I'd say she's got pretty dark hair.....likes the color red.....does things whether you want her to or not.....
Davis: Haw! Wait'll I tell *hic* my shishter!
(Matt looks horrified and locks himself in the bathroom.)
Fairy: Now what's the matter with him? Besides, Jun's MY meant-to-be! (poses seductively)
Davis: Sick.....*hic*
THE END