Man, i know some of you aren't sports fans, and most of you probably don't live in LA, but this needs to be addressed:
How stupid are college atheletes these days? Memo to all of you lacrosse players out there: don't send out emails about how you are going to beat and rape someone. It might seem like a good idea when you are sitting in your dorm room with a bunch of sweaty guys drinking Captain Morgon, but just trust me on this one.
And then there's Reggie Bush. Reggie's parents were living in a modest house that they were leasing. The owner of the lease was a man who reportedly wanted to hook Reggie up with an agent. I mean, this could be easily explained. As long as their lease was legit, and the house wasn't a "gift", things would be fine.
The problem came when the press decided to start asking questions: Bush's parents were out of that house in like .2 seconds. Honestly, it was like they heard the reporters were coming and just threw their shit in the back of a gypsy caravan, or more likely a $60,000 dollar SUV that some unknown booster is helping them "finance", and got the fuck out of dodge.
Reggie let us all know that this was simply coincidental timing. He had been looking for a house for his parents for quite some time and that just happened to be the day that they were already planning to move out.
Mhmm.
My favorite touch though, was how whenever he was asked a question about the specifics of the lease or the involvment of other shady characters, Reggie simply said, "Well, I'm not going to speak to any specifics now, but when the dust settles everyone will see that we've done nothing wrong."
Wait. What dust? Ohhhh, the dust your parents left behind them when they booked the fuck out of a house that they were living in, courtesy of an arrangement that most likely violates NCAA regulations. That dust.
And while I'm thinking about - because this just came up yesterday - can somebody please do something about the quality of toilet paper in public restrooms. Honestly, it's like using a brilo pad. We should just go one step further and have colored construction paper instead - that way I could at least cut out a snowflake or something while I did my business.
I pay about $16,000 a year to go to this school, and most people pay more. I think I should be able to specify where some of that money goes. Let's get some Charmin doubleply going or something, please. It's not that much more expensive.
The whole situation is even better for the girls - imagine the luxury of having bathrooms with tampon dispensers just in case you get caught off guard. How thoughtful right? Yeah, but then when you have to pee, the school makes you wipe your vagina with the equivilant of tree bark. And it's not even a soft bark, like birch. It's mother fucking OAK.