MY TESTIMONY
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You thought that you knew me, you thought that you knew what I went throught. But you really don't know. This is my testimony. This is the life that I thank God for delivering and setting me free from. I hope that you get encouraged and blessed. For nothing is impossible when you put your trust in God!
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I praise and thank God for being there for me. For being my strength, my father and for his unconditional love that he gives to me. Words are not enough to express my appreciation. But all I can do is live to serve him and be faithful to him. If it wasn't for Jesus, and a praying family, who knows where I would be. It's everyone's prayers that brought me to where I am today. Before I became sold out to serving Jesus, I lived a roller coaster life praising God. Even though I was brought up in the church (because my grandpa is the pastor and founder) I never really gave God my all. At points I felt as if my walk with God was strong and nothing could take me away from praising him. Then what do you know, with in a couple of months I would go back to my "worldly ways." I was always looking for satisfaction, someone who would be able to satisfy my every need. I was looking for a fleshly person who was able to show me affection. By searching for someone like this I went through so many phases. I back slid again, and like what it says, when you back slide there will be 7 or more spirits that will enter you. I went through a lot of bad relationships. Later I felt that by having a boyfriend everything would be okay. I would feel the love that I need and I still can praise God at the same time. It didn't end up that way. I ended up smoking again, drinking, smoking weed, fornicating, clubbing, working at hostess/strip bars (as a waitress/hostess. More like a "buy me drinky" kind of thing) because I became more money hungry, and I even took ecstasy. I told myself that I was never ever going to take that kind of drug. But, like what they say, " you become like the people who you hang around with." That statement is so true. I did things that were so gross and it is something that I would have never done, had I been in the right state of mind. But whenever I think about those awful things that I have done, I become sick in my stomach. But I praise and thank God for his mercy and grace. For he looks beyond our mistakes and our faults and he still loves us. Isn't he so awesome! Well, it wasn’t till I suffered with deep depression. I would cry myself to sleep and become more upset and sad because I didn't know why I was crying. I knew that depression is a sprirt. It's not a "chemical imbalance" that people portray it to be. It is a spirit that the devil uses to make people feel useless, unimportant, and not loved. That’s how I felt. But still went out clubbing and partying. I wasn't sick of it yet. By smiling, laughing and with my perkiness is how I hid my depression. Little did my friends know what I was going through. I tried to take it away with drinking and getting high and many other things so that I could get it off my mind for that moment. It worked, but that feeling was only temporary, then it was back to reality, back to feeling down and being fake around people. It just made matters worse. But I knew the answer to this feeling, and it was up to me to give my life all to God and be delivered. I knew that's what I had to do. I would pray to God "Lord, please let me get sick and bored of this life style that I am living." Then little by little it became boring. The clubs were not as fun, I started to look at my life and tell myself " Coco, what kind of life are you living? You only look forward to go out and get wasted?" I didn't want that kind of life. With that kind of life it seemed as if I didn't have a life.
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Then one night, I got on my knees and started to cry out to God. I asked for forgiveness and for him to help me. As I was crying my eyes out, I felt as if a load was lifted and I felt comfort, I felt Jesus' arms wrapped around me and it was like he was whispering in my ear that it was going to be alright. I knew that God delivered me, and this time my service to God was going to be different, and my life was going to be different. Praise God! Thank you Jesus! I knew that it wasn't going to be easy and I was going face a lot of tests, temptations, trials, and disappointments. But I also know that nothing is impossible with Jesus, He won't give me something that I can’t handle, that He puts me through trials to build my character and strength so that I will be able to endure many more trials that will be coming my way. And I also know through every disappointment there is always a better appointment. Praise the Lord! I started to attend church again and gave everything to God. I stopped hanging around with my friends that I would go clubbing with. Of course I still love them. It's just not worth my life, just for temporary satisfaction. But I just pray that one day they will see that there is more to life than what this world can offer, because this life is only temporary, and what is in store for us at the end is much more greater. I want them to be able to see Jesus in me, and the kind of transition that has been taken in my life.
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Now, for over a year I haven't been living a roller coaster life praise God! But now I see the reasons that God allowed me to go through these things in life. It's so that when people come to me to ask for advise. I can speak from experience and say this is what I did. A lot of people say that I am a strong person for going through all that I went through, coming from a broken home, low self-esteem, etc. But my answer to that always is, " I couldn't have done it with out Jesus. He is the one who gives me strength, the joy and happiness that I have, and all the love and satisfaction that I ever need." He is the "real deal." No doubt about that! This is my testimony, this is the life that God allowed me to go through for a reason! I can't go back and change what happened in the past. But I can let it go and let God take control! In these last words, if you haven't tried Jesus, I urge you and encourage you to do so. I promise it will be the best life changing experience that you would ever have, not the easiest. But I tell you it will be worth it all at the end! JESUS LOVES YOU!
