Top 10 Girls On My Team
Alright, I know none of you have asked, but here are all of my lists in easy to find page. Enjoy, and as always, send me some of your own. Peace.
Top 10 Bands I Am Afraid To Admit I Like
1. Limp Bizkit (Now I know why you wanna hate me!!)
2. Sugar Ray (No excuse for this one)
3. Backstreet Boys (I even like the new song)
4. Lit (Are they even together anymore?)
5. Incubus (Why do these guys have a dj?)
6. Eve 6 (It's all about red-haired lead singers with corny-as-hell lyrics)
7. 3rd Eye Blind (Only the first album though)
8. Korn (Anger management yo.)
9. Staind (Love the new song)
10. Linkin Park (I don't think these guys belong on this list but most people in my life do)
Top 10 Things You Shouldn't Write Lists About
1) Reasons to date high school girls (unless you are in high school, but you know you're not, so stop!
2) Things to do while in prison (can't really think of anything enjoyable about prison
3) STD's you have had (see above)
4) Reasons you live with your parents (unless you are in high school/college)
5) Things you've stolen
6) People you've stalked (there really shouldn't be more than two or three anyways)
7) Foods that have been in your fridge the longest
8) Reese Witherspoon movies (with her fivehead and Jay Leno chin)
9) Guns in your collection (see #6)
10) Reasons why you don't pay your taxes (cause you never know who is reading this)
Joker's Top 10 Calendar DJ's (Or who he would put in the long-anticipated but never going to happen KSCU fundraising calendar.)
January: DJ Dinari (She has always seemed like a January type of girl. January is my favorite month, and she is one of my favorite dj's here.)
February: Trix (A lot of KSCU dj's I know would love to be her Valentine, but that's besides the point. For the picture, she should be eating a bowl of cereal while wearing rabbit ears. Just don't give her jello shots and Midori Sours.)
March: Galaxy (She is an out-of-this-world girl who deserves a month of her own. Her nickname to me is Charlie, you know, from High Fidelity.)
April: Sugar (April is a wholesome month, and Sugar is a wholesome girl. Just as long as she keeps her imaginary ring on.)
May: Leila (Ok, technically she's not a dj. But she is KSCU family, so she gets a month. She should get two or three, but other dj's would get jealous. She is one of those people that cheers me up whenever I see her.)
June/July: Tisha (June and July are the summer months, right? And what food typifies summer more than any? That's right, kids, watermelon. 'Nuff said.
August: Anna- She has a good show whenever she shows up for it. She is a good friend too, I just wish she wouldn't make fun of me so much. It makes me cry into my pillow at night.
September: Nonsense- She flakes more than any person I have ever met. And her name speaks for herself. But still, I would put her on the calendar.
October: Cinnamon Toast Crunch (October is all about Halloween and Halloween is all about candy and CTC is all about candy. This year, less candy corn and pez and more lemonheads and peanut M&M's. I would dress up as Cinnamon Toast Crunch for Halloween but I don't want any KSCU dj's falling in love with me.)
November: Skyline (I am sure she could come up with some sort of turkey dance that would somehow compete with her mushroom one. And I bet she knows how to make one of those turkey things from white paper plates that we all made in elementary school.)
December: Group picture with all the dj's listed above riding in a sleigh being pulled by Grendel and Tyler. There are two many jokes to say here, so feel free to insert your own.)
So I encourage you all to call KSCU now and request your KSCU 2003-2004 calendar. I know it will never happen, but if you call up enough and ask for it then maybe. At least now we have the blueprint.
Joker's Top 6 Artists That Other DJ's Are Obsessed With That He Just Doesn't Get (Not that they are bad, they all just sound Greek to me.)
6. Belle and Sebastian (Ok, other than a mention on Gilmore Girls, I know nothing about this group. A dj once complained how another band sounded exactly like them, well I guess you would have to know what the first one sounds like in order to make a comparison.)
5. Weezer (Whatever emo-kids, save your rants. I like some of their songs, but I just don't get the undying devotion for this group. I mean people actually get their symbol tattooed on their body? Videos with Muppets and at Arnold's notwithstanding, are they really that good?)
4. Dashboard Confessional (I mean, is it a person, is it a band, is it a person, is it a band, I mean, what is the deal with this? Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? All you emo-kids who were at their Unplugged, go outside and run a lap and eat something! Why are you so unhappy? Would someone please explain this to me?)
3. Any of those groups with five letters in their names (Hives, Vines, Strokes, well actually they have six, but its still one syllable.) Ok, everybody tells me they are the next best thing, yet they all sound the same. All their lead singers need a haircut and a shower and it takes me longer to brush my teeth than to listen to one of their songs. Next best thing, huh?
2. Two way tie: The Breeders and Sonic Youth (OK, I listened to like two of their songs when I was in high school. You mean to tell me they are still around. They are like Eric Estrada, I didn't know he was still alive until he tried to sell me some real estate in the woods somewhere. If you don't even know if they are still together, how good can they really be?)
1. Tom Waits (First and foremost, I like Tom Waits, I like his acting and his general appearance. He's like Bowie, I know he's talented but I just can't get into him. It's not that its bad music, it's just that I can't feel it. I hope one day to be able to grasp his music one day, but for now, he is number one on the list.)
And now, the Bernard Pivot (slightly altered by Joker) questionnaire:1. Q: What is your favorite hip-hop word?
A: Peace
2. Q: What is your least favorite hip-hop word?
A: Hot
3. Q: What hip-hop artist turns you on?
A: Eve in a mini-skirt.
4. Q: What hip-hop artists turns you off?
A: Lil' Kim in (or out) of anything.
5. Q: What hip-hop sound do you like?
A: A DJ Premier beat with a scratch hook.
6. Q: What hip-hop sound do you hate?
A: Any Casio beat that took less than 5 minutes to come up with (or that came pre-programmed with it).
7. Q: What is your favorite hip-hop curse word?
A: I can't say, but its the title of a Black Sheep song.
8. Q: What hip-hop profession other than DJ would you like to attempt?
A: Hip-Hop sound man or work crowd security, because I like being yelled at and told how to do my job.
9. Q: What hip-hop profession would you not like to participate in?
A: Hype man or opening act.
10. Q: If heaven exists, what would you like to hear the God Rakim Allah say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
A: "I forgive you for the whole braid-wearing stage, as well as for selling back MIDNIGHT MARAUDERS, buying 2 THA EXTREME, wearing overalls with collared shirts underneath, weaing genie pants, and having PLEASE HAMMER DON'T HURT 'EM posters plastered on your wall. Your table with O.D.B. and Flavor Flav is now ready."
Joker's Top 10 Songs On Vinyl In The KSCU Library
10. Funkdoobiest- Papi Chulo (Sickside Rmx)
9. Waistline Connection- Chow Down
8. Master Fuol- I Still Live With My Moms
7. Visionaries- Come One, Come All
6. Sole- Bottle of Humans
5. Buck 65- The Centaur
4. Native Tongue Family- Buddy (Rmx)
3. M.O.P.- Ante Up
2. Blackstar F/Black Thought- Respiration (Rmx)
1. East-Flatbush Project- Tried By 12
Joker's Top 10 Hip-Hop Words
10. Tight
9. -Ish
8. Dope
7. Word
6. Son
5. Kid
4. Dunn
3. Politic
2. Peace
1. Yo
Joker's Top 10 Favorite Hip-Hop Groups of All-Time
10. Tha Alkaholiks
9. Blackalicious
8. The Roots
7. A Tribe Called Quest
6. Beastie Boys
5. Atmosphere
4. Outkast
3. Gangstarr
2. Wu-Tang Clan
1. Public Enemy
Joker's Top 7 KSCU DJ Castaways (Or who he would most like to be stuck with on a deserted island in the unlikely event of a KSCU Cruise disaster. Male DJ's are ineligible for obvious reasons.)
1. Cinnamon Toast Crunch (C'mon, intelligent conversation and all the candy I can eat, how can I go wrong?)
2. DJ Skyline (Although I know she would rather be stuck with someone else, I can't help it. She is good people, plus we could use the pimp stick to defend ourselves against wild animals.)
3. Sugar (That way we could have long-ass talks all the time since we have nowhere else to go.)
4. Galaxy (Finally I will have enough time to listen to all that she has to say.)
5. DJ Dinari (Although she doesn't laugh at any of my jokes, she is one of the most pleasant DJ's to be around.)
6. Tisha (If it's a tropical island, we can have all the watermelon we want. Ummm. planting seeds.)
7. Trix (Although I've never said more than three words to her in my entire life, I figure this could be a good way for us to get to know each other. She seems nice enough.)
Joker's Top Ten Things To Do When Alone:
10. Watch movies
9. Go on walks
8. Eat
7. Work on website
6. Talk to imaginary friend
5. Write
4. Sulk
3. Go for drives
2. Play Playstation
1. Make mix tapes for friends
Joker's Answer to CTC's Top 10 Feel Good/Romantic Films
10. Love and Basketball: I was so pleasantly surprised when I saw this. Don't be fooled, rent this and see for yourself.
9. The Wedding Singer: The most romantic of all the Adam Sandler films (except for Little Nicky: what a classic that was).
8. Almost Famous: Jason Lee's first appearance on the countdown. Not so much a romantic film, but I always feel better after I watch it.
7. Swingers: A couple of painful to watch ego-crushing scenes (just stop leaving messages) but the ending makes up for it all. That and never give the dealer $300 in all twenties, it makes you look very ghetto.
6. Chasing Amy: Jason Lee's second appearance. Not the funniest of the Kevin Smith movies, but the most complete. Sorry Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
5. The Natural: Despite that it's a contradiction having Glenn Close in a romantic film (ugh), it has the two greatest things in life: baseball and love.
4. Shakespeare In Love: I will admit it, I cried at the end of that movie. Now you have some dirt on me, feel free to make fun.
3. When Harry Met Sally: Even though it describes a friendship I no longer have (thanks Ab), it still is a great movie. And Meg Ryan is one of those actresses that I would love to date but wouldn't want to sleep with.
2. A Bronx Tale: It's all about Bobby D. (not Digital), anything with him in it I watch. A great performance by a young Francis Capra as a young Calogero. And I always use the door-test on the rare occasions when I actually have dates.
1. It's a Wonderful Life: So what if I can only watch it once a year. This is a great movie no matter how you look at it. It may be sentimental and cheesy to some, but to me it reminds me of the joy of Christmas as a child. And check out Bert and Ernie, the cop and the cab driver.
Joker's Off-The-Cuff Response to Rich's Top 10 Hip-Hop Albums of All-Time (Done on short notice)
10. Black Sheep- A Wolf In Sheep's Clothing (I listened to this cd so much I had to buy a new one to replace it. The L.A.S.M. skit is one of the best ever. And the last verse on this album is by far the greatest ending verse in hip-hop history. Find and buy this album, if you don't have it. And if you do, listen to it again. Black sheep of the Native Tongue family make a classic.
9. Atmosphere- Godlovesugly (Too bad it took a horrible relationship to fully appreciate Slug and his lyrics. Most would probably say Lucy Ford is better, but to me Godlovesugly is more complete. Ant's beats are a little better and the topics on the album are more diverse. And one of the best titles in hip-hop history. Shout out to Juiceph for turning me onto these guys.)
8. Souls of Mischief- 93' til Infinity (There is only one song on this album I don't like. The rest is extraordinary. My favorite Hiero album ever and turned me onto bay area hip-hop while growing up in southern California.
7. Outkast- Aquemini (The best Outkast album to date. "Aquemini" is my favorite Outkast song ever. This is the album where they truly found their niche. Part ATLien, part Playistic, pre-Stankonian electronic hip-hop. There is no other group to compare them to so let's compare them to themselves. All of their albums are excellent, so to call this one the best is saying something. Representing the ATL (my adopted hometown although I've never been there) to the fullest.)
6. A Tribe Called Quest- Midnight Marauders (I once committed the cardinal sin of hip-hop and actually sold this album back to the store and had to later re-buy it. I was not ready to understand it. And to the entire hip-hop nation I apologize. It hurt to not put any De La albums up here, but Tribe edges them out. Why did I sell it back in the first place?)
5. Raekwon- Only Built for Cuban Linx (Best RZA production ever. So many classics (Incarcerated Scarfaces, Guillotine, Ice Cream, Criminology, Verbal Intercourse), too hard to pick a favorite. Who would of thought that Rae would put out the best Wu-solo effort. Andd to those of you crying that there is no ILLMATIC on here, listen to "Verbal Intercourse" for the best Nas verse ever. RZA was on point with this one. Special thanks to John Wu indeed.
4. Snoop Doggy Dogg- Doggystyle (Yes this album is better than THE CHRONIC. Dre's best non-NWA work to date. The fastest-passing album in hip-hop, this album flies by so quick you need to hit repeat in case you missed something. Snoopy is at his best on this album, not too gangsta and not too much pimp, just the right amount of each. "Pump, Pump" one of the best last songs ever. The highlight of the Death Row catalog.
3. Gangstarr- Moment of Truth (Guru's maturity and improved flow barely edges out HARD TO EARN. The best opening 6 songs off any hip-hop album. This album not only makes your head move but teaches you how to live. I think so highly of this album that I once gave this album as a gift to someone special. One listen to "Above the Clouds" and its over. Primo, please hit us off with another Gangstarr album soon.
2. Wu-Tang Clan- Enter the 36 Chambers (This album changed hip-hop forever. The Clan has often been imitated and every kung-fu sample in the last ten years owes its debt to the RZA. Not before or since has a group's talent run so deep. Each member (even U-God) brings something different to the group. They are the 2001 Miami Hurricanes of hip-hop. Almost all of them would be 1st round draft picks. Method Man would be my Phillip Buchanon (even though he's a Raider)
1. Public Enemy- It Takes A Nation Of Millions to Hold Us Back (No big surprise here. The greatest hip-hop album ever, end of discussion. Chuck D, Flavor Flav, Terminator X, and the Bomb Squad did not influence hip-hop so much as they changed it. Born with the voice of a preacher, Chuck D's booming voice proved that you can rhyme without riddling. There are no weak tracks, no filler on this album. Most of you are too young to remember this album, so go do your homework. They should offer this album at the library like they do other classic works of literature. This is not only an album, it's a history lesson. Time to get learned.
Joker's Response To Rich's Top 10 MC's:
10. Redman (Has fallen a few slots in recent years. It has nothing to do with him doing a song with Christina, more of a lack of focus. He is involved with so many things (movies, commercials, etc.) its no wonder his lyrics have been uneven. Time to switch from Rockwilder back to Eric Sermon for some beats, another Def Squad album would be a good start.)
9. Aceyalone (Always on point and rises above his mediocre beats. ACCEPTED ECLECTIC was nice and ALL BALLS DON'T BOUNCE is a classic. But A BOOK OF HUMAN LANGUAGE is my favorite.)
8. Pharaohe Monche (Straight-up ferocious rhymer. Has been saddled with some lackluster beats as of late, but his lyrical content never falters. Three classic Organized Konfusion albums, a decent solo Rawkus debut, and many outshining guest spots make him one of the best MC's ever. Also boasts one of the most imitated deliveries in all of hip-hop. And by far made the best song ever using a Godzilla sample.)
7. Slug (Ladies adore him, and guys can relate to his lyrics of love gone wrong. Puts out an incredible amount of material a year and tours nonstop. Puts on a great live show and know how to work a crowd. Simply put: The boy can rhyme his ass-off. "Nuff said.)
6. GZA (Witty Unpredictable Talent And Natural Game describes the GZA's liquid sword. Lyrically precise no matter what the topic, the GZA is the Wu-'s most gifted MC. He outshines on whatever Wu-product he blesses has written some of their best lyrics. His name says it all, he is the Genius.)
5. Ghostface Killah (The best storyteller in hip-hop. Barely gets the nod over GZA because his solo albums are more consistent. It took me a minute or so to fully appreciate IRONMAN and SUPREME CLIENTELE is one of the best Wu-solo records yet. Can make any two words rhyme together and will make words up (or say them backwards) to make them fit. When he's happy, he can be one of the most charismatic MC's you will ever see. Shoot, I drink Strawberry-Kiwi flavored beverages just because of him.)
4. Black Thought (One of the few MC's on this list who has never released a weak album. You can always count on The Roots to put out something outstanding. Puts on a great live show and can flow over any beat. So what if he can't act, with mic talent like his, you don't need a day job.) 3. Guru (Gifted Unlimited Rhyme Universal. Has gotten better as he has gotten older and wiser. The most recognizable voice in hip-hop (even made a song about it) is the perfect compliment to Premier's instrumentation. Takes his time when speaking and putting out records. It's all about quality not quantity when it comes to Gangstarr. His Jazzmatazz albums have been nice as well.)
2. Chuck D (My favorite MC of all time. No rapper before or since has used politcal commentary as defiantly as he has. Whether he is right or not, Chuck makes you think about whatever topic he tackles. The Rhyme Animal is not so much an MC as he is a commentator on black America. Rap is black America's CNN, and he is their Minister of Information.)
1. Rakim Allah (Of course an MC with god in his name is #1. The best flow, content, and voice ever in hip-hop. The new album should restore his place as #1 and school all the kids who weren't around when he was in his prime. Don't' let that Truth Hurts cameo fool you, the God is for real. Let's hope the good Dr. has the right beats for the R.)
Joker's Response To Rich's Deserted Island Albums
10. U2-Achtung Baby (I can listen to this album over and over again. Bridged the gap between old U2 and new U2. Was my favorite U2 album before #1 came out. Reminds me of seeing them for the first time when I was young.)
9. Nirvana- Unplugged (Forget the "new" album that just came out, this is the ultimate Nirvana album. Unplugged was the perfect format for them, and listening to Kurt's pained voice would make me feel that someone understands my pain of being stuck on an island by myself. And with no Wilson to keep me company.)
8. Wu-Tang Clan- Enter the 36 Chambers (See list above for explanation.)
7. Gangstarr- Hard to Earn (Would remind me of the glorious era of mid 90's hip-hop. And I could listen to "Chill" and imagine that people are calling and leaving messages on my imaginary island phone.)
6. Led Zeppelin- Presence (My favorite Led Zeppelin album. If I could only finally figure out what the hell that thing is on the album cover.)
5. Public Enemy- It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back (Best hip-hop album ever, so I have to have it with me.)
4. Atmosphere- Lucy Ford (This album reminds me of the most down time in my life but also reminds me of how I got through it. And maybe there are cows on this island that would get a kick out of the album.)
3. The Beatles- Revolver (Best Beatle album ever, there are not enough superlatives to use to describe this album. This album prove the existence of a higher power, because heaven has to have a soundtrack.)
2. Oasis- What's the Story? (Morning Glory) (Ok, I know its kind of ironic to have Oasis before the Beatles on this list, and for that I have one explanation, "Wonderwall". That is the greatest song that The Beatles never wrote. That song alone would make my day better. This is a great album by a great group, and I've always wanted a unibrow.)
1. U2- All That You Can't Leave Behind (I don't know how many times I have played this album. This album is the soundtrack for the relationship which for better or worse made me the person I am today. This album is the cure for an ailing heart. Wherever you are, Miss Raider fan, karma is a mother. I am better off now without you, can you say the same? Hmmmmmm?)
Top 10 Albums I Will Take With Me When the Aliens Take Me to Their Planet to Live with Them
10- Eric B and Rakim- PAID IN FULL (To show them the best to ever MC)
9-Dr. Dre-THE CHRONIC 2001 (Cause you need beats to bump in the saucer)
8-Outkast-ATLiens (No explanation needed)
7- The Beatles- REVOLVER (Expose my new friends to The Beatles)
6- U2- ALL THAT YOU CAN'T LEAVE BEHIND/HOW TO DISMANTLE AN ATOMIC BOMB (Cause I don't think I am going to find someone to love on their planet)
5- Mix-Master Mike- ANTI-THEFT DEVICE (Cause he's already been communicating with them for years, watch SCRATCH for more info)
4- Old Dirty Bastard- RETURN TO THE 36 CHAMBERS: THE DIRTY VERSION (I am pretty sure he was one of them anyways)
3- DJ Shadow- ENDTRODUCING (The greatest DJ album ever)
2- Atmosphere- GODLOVESUGLY (When I start to miss those I have left on earth, this album will cheer me up)
1- Public Enemy- IT TAKES A NATION OF MILLIONS TO HOLD US BACK (cause I'm sure aliens have minorites too)