WHY?
I've held my breath
dreamed terrible thoughts.
Since your death
"what ifs" I've sought.
So many doctors
so many tests.
But no easy answers
"I'm sorry" at best.
A blood test here
an autopsy there.
But none tell us why
my arms are now bare.
I'll come to terms
with not knowing why.
I'll have to accept it
but why did you die?
TO THE CHILD IN MY HEART
O precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure, and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now
And listen to you giggle.
I'll always be your mother.
He'll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you're gone..
but yet you're here.
We sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy.
There's love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong.
We'll never forget you never--
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will live forever.
HI MUMMY
It’s me, your little Angel,
Just checking in with you.
I know you’re sad,
because I’m gone
and Mummy I’m sad too.
It’s beautiful here,
wherever I am,
there’s such a lovely view.
But mostly when I’m sitting here
I’m looking down at you.
I see all your feelings
everyday when I look down
I love to see you smile
and I know sometimes you frown.
But guess what?
I have a job to do.
God saved it for your little boy
I get to watch over you
and protect you from the world.
So though you cannot see me
and I know it’s hard on you,
You’ll surely see the benefits
of the job God has me do.
MY SON AND FRIEND
Emotions fly, Tears flow
I will never let you go
The pain I feel is forever strong
To wish you were here, that's not wrong
You'd be my night and my day
We'll be together somehow, someway
Time makes the heart grow fonder
But days without you seem much longer
Daddy's strong and so am I
To say we don't miss you is a lie
I know you're safe in your new home
You're there with loved ones and not alone
The day will come when we will meet
I know you'll be as young and sweet
I love you with all my heart
A life without you I must start
It's hard to face this reality
But to dwell is not fair to my family
I must move on and live my life
My jobs to be a mom and wife
I never will forget you though
My memories of you I won't let go
I love you Allan my dear son
A life with you would have been fun
I await the day we meet again
To reunite with my son and friend .
DEAR MUMMY
I just wanted to let you know that I made it home.
The journey wasn't an easy one, but it didn't take too long.
Everything is so pretty here, so white, so fresh and new.
I wish that you culd close your eyes and that you could see it too.
Please try not to be sad for me. Try to understand.
God is taking care of me... I'm in the shelter of his hands.
Here there is no sadness, no sorrow, and no pain.
Here there is no crying and I'll never hurt again.
Here it is so peaceful when all the angels sing.
I really have to go for now--I've just got to try my wings.
LOVE ME ENOUGH TO LET ME GO
Your hearts are breaking - I know: I can tell
NEVER
You'll never laugh, you'll never cry,
TO US
You've been forgotten
KISS MY ANGEL GOODNIGHT FOR ME
He's in your presence lord
DON"T SAY ANYTHING
Don't say you understand
POETRY PAGE 4
Because you're my parents and I know you so well
As hard as this is, there's something I need to say
I don't want to linger, don't beg me to stay
Keeping me here only gets in my way
Prevents me from being where I want to be
Out of this body and finally pain free
Living with God is my ultimate goal
By taking me home He is making me whole
The only thing holding me back, Mom and Dad
Is thinking of you and the good times we never had
You fought for me when no one else could
Refused to give up when others told you you should
You packed a whole lifetime of love in such a short time
Gave me strength to handle all of my fears
Showered me with courage - you said - 'It's a loan'
While secretly hiding tears of your own
You've done everything I needed - I couldn't ask for much more
Please love me enough to help me pass through that door
I know you are sad - and it doesn't seem fair
But the time has come to put me in God's care
Since I started the job I was sent here to do
Please love me enough - enough to let go
you'll never walk or crawl.
You'll never call me "Mummy"
no words will come at all.
We'll never have a birthday cake.
We'll never talk or cry.
We'll never sing lullabies.
I often wonder why.
I'll never get to hold you.
I'll never dream with you.
I'll never get to feel you.
I'll never make it through.
But I'll always love you
and I'll always know your name.
My love will stay forever
my feelings will never change.
your name not recalled.
No memory remains
nothing at all.
People don't ask
they pretend it's not real.
Us losing you
to them, no big deal.
But to us, you live on
each day in our hearts.
You'll always be as precious
as you've been from the start.
To us, you are important
your memory will last.
You'll never be thought of
as part of our past.
To us, you are true
you're a part of our life.
All of our dreams
passed by us that night.
To us, you're the greatest
gift we have made.
Your thought holds us together
the memory won't fade.
And to us, you're a gift
of the love we hold true.
You are our angel
we'll never forget you.
My baby you took from me
I can't see him lord
Please watch him for me
I close my eyes and picture his face
A face I'll never see again
I listen quietly and hear his voice
A voice I've never heard
I fall asleep with him in my arms
A baby I've never held
I miss him so lord
Please hug him for me
And late at night when he's asleep
Please sneak to his cot
And kiss my angel goodnight for me
when you can't even begin.
To know the feeling of sorrow
that fills us from within.
Don't say, "It's for the best
he probably wasn't O.K."
He was our precious baby
we loved him more each day.
Don't say we must accept it
when it's our loss to grieve.
We don't have to accept anything
when we've lost our biggest dream.
Don't say, "Heaven is a better place
with our precious angel there."
We had plans for him with us
and now our arms are bare.
Don't say, "It's probably a blessing
that something must have been wrong."
I resent your way of thinking
and my feelings are very strong.
Don't say, "Just keep on praying
it will help us to get by."
No prayers will bring us Allan
no matter how hard we try.
Don't say anything
we've heard it all before.
So many words hurt us
we can't take much more.
Just let us know you're here for us
if we need to talk or cry.
And let us take our time with Allan
to love him and say goodbye
POETRY INDEX
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