Startled from a dreamless sleep
MY MUM IS A SURVIVOR My mum is a survivor
A TINY HAND A tiny hand we'll never hold
I AM SORRY My heart is broken
TIME Time it passes
THEY He was born to this world
SILENT GRIEF A precious child
BEING YOUR MUM No sleepless nights, no 3am feedings
Darkness all around
In the darkened house of night
Listening for the sound
She hears a baby's cry
Only by a mothers ears
Will this sound be heard
Only in a mothers heart
Will the joy be stirred
She rise to the beckoning cry
That may be troublesome in anothers eye
To this mother it brings delight
To be awakened in the night
She hears a baby's cry
Stumbling down a moonlit hall
Where pictures hang upon the wall
Chilled by the air of such a cold night
She continues on a mother's search
Of a child in the night
She hears a baby's cry
In a room once filled by light
Now darkened, but not by night
In her mind nothings changed
In her heart it feels the same
She hears a baby's cry
In the corner a rocking chair
Beckons her to join it there
She rocks and sings a lullabye
Till she no longer hears the cry
As darkness chases away the night
She longs to see her baby's charms
But instead she sits staring at empty arms
She hears a mothers cry
Or so i've heard it said
But i can hear her crying
When all others are in bed
I watch her lie awake at night
And go to hold her hand
She knows that i am with her
To help her understand
But like the sands upon the beach
That never wash away
I watch over my surviving mum
Who thinks of me each day
She wears a smile for others
A smile of disguise
But through heavens open door
I see tears flowing from her eye's
My mum tries to cope with my death
And keep my memory alive
But anyone who knows her
Knows it's her way to survive
As i watch over my surviving mum
Through heaven's open door
I try to tell her
Angels protect me forever more
I know that doesn't help her
Or ease the burden she bears
So if you get a chance, call to her
And show her that you care
For no matter what she says
And no matter what she feels
My mum has a broken heart
That time won't ever heal
A child we'll never kiss
Your coos and giggles
Won't touch our ears
But we love you just the same
The twinkle in your little eyes
Was not for us to see
We longed to hold you in our arms
But it's just not meant to be
God now holds your tiny hand
And your coos and giggles
Grace heaven's ears
But we miss you just the same
The twinkle in your little eyes
Now lights the sky at night
God holds you close in loving arms
Your always in his sight
A tiny hand we'll never hold
We have no reason why
But we'll always hold you in our hearts
And my body aches
I feel i let you down
As i held the shell of you
My whole world shattered
You depended on me
And nothing else mattered
Forgive me for i am sorry
It's been three years
Since you left me
I've faced the world without you
I have so little pride
Right now i feel so hollow
With no where to hide
I thought time would heal
But it seems to be getting worse
How i wish that i could put
The clock back in reverse
I am sorry
Now you are gone
You have entered the light
But what do i do
When i think of you each night
And this guilt rules my life
Once again sweetheart
I am sorry
And days go on
Yet sometimes you feel
You'll never see the dawn
It's always darkest
Before the light
Why can't anyone
See your plight
Wheres is the silver lining
That always seems so far
It's like your wishing
On the farest star
You know that star so well
It always seems so bright
But then you notice
It doesn't look quite right
You finally realize
It's not what you see
It's the one and only thing
You hoped it would be
Oh my bright star
Please hold me tight
Help ease my pain
If only for tonight
Without ever taking a breath
Why did his start in life
Have to begin with his death
"they' say to have loved and lost
Is better than to not love at all'
But who are they to say that
Or even make the call
Have they ever lost someone
So precious and so dear
That it kills you each day
That you don't have them near
My heart aches for you
Each and every day
I wish the pain would stop
I wish it would go away
I miss you so much Allan
Each day brings a tear
I pray on day i'll make it
I'll no longer live in fear
That your death was not in vain
There was a reason you had to go
Will i learn to live with this pain
I guess time will show
You never knew
A child with wings
Who flew to soon
A beating heart
A mothers joy
A gift from god
My baby boy
It matters not
The reason why
It matters that
You hear my cry
All of gods children
Deserve a name
All of gods children
Should be treated the same
So please stop
Don't turn away
Sometimes we need
To mention his name
To give him credit
For being our child
To let you know
Our grief is not mild
A precious child
You never knew
My child with wings
My child who flew
No goodnight kiss or storybook readings
No birthday cake in the shape of a car
No backyard games and no wishing on a star
No trips to the toy store, no learning to skate
No "wash your hands" or "clean your plate"
No chicken pox, no whinging at nights
No best buddies, no sleepovers, no fights
No playdough, no pictures on the fridge door
No pocket money, no rules, no chores
No bits of lego all over the place
No reading about dinosaurs, bugs or space
No grass stains on clothes, no holes in knees
No reminder to say "thank you" and "please"
No sports try-outs, no climbing on walls
No band-aids or kisses for your falls
No calls to nanna, no fathers day card
Being your mum is so very hard
I wish i had known you for just a day
To have experienced you before you went away
I miss you, your face, your laughter, your touch
I feel cheated because i am missing so much
I miss your childhood, it would have been fun
And i miss the man you would have become
I love you, i need you, that i do
There's nothing in this world i wouldn't do for you
The lifetime of memories that i will miss
I'll never see the day of your first kiss
I will spend my whole life thinking of you
Loving you so much and missing you too
Being your mum has brought me so much pain
But you are worth it - And i'd do it again
