Have a Fun New Year

Have a Fun New Year
(Playing ~ "Auld Lange Syne")

'Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number !
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber),
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt ~
I said to myself, as only I can,
"You can't spend the Winter disguised as a man !"

So ~ away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
'Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie ~ not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie;
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore ~
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet !

New Year's Wishes

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-enterologist,
your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber and the I.R.S.

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your ABs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure,
your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May New Year's Eve find you seated around the table, together with your beloved family and
cherished friends. May you find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper,
and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them. May someone love
you enough to forgive your faults, be blind to your blemishes, and tell the world about your virtues.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may the commercials on
TV not be louder than the program you have been watching, and may your check book and your budget
balance ~ and include generous amounts for charity.

May you remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to your spouse, your child, your parent, your
siblings; but not to your secretary, your nurse, your masseuse, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor.

And may we live in a world at peace and with the awareness of God's love in every sunset,
every flower's unfolding petals, every baby's smile, every lover's kiss, and every wonderful,
astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

~ author unknown

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