What My Mother Taught Me(

What My Mother Taught Me
~ for a good laugh ~

(Playing ~ "Somewhere In My Memory")

Mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE:
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning!"

Mother taught me RELIGION:
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

Mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into
the middle of next week!"

Mother taught me LOGIC:
"Because I said so, that's why."

Mother taught me LOGIC #2:
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck,
you're not going to the store with me."

Mother taught me FORESIGHT:
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

Mother taught me IRONY:
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

Mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

Mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

Mother taught me about STAMINA:
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

Mother taught me about WEATHER:
"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

Mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS:
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you,
would you listen then?"

Mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times ...
Don't exaggerate!!!"

Mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION:
"Stop acting like your father!"

Mother taught me about ENVY:
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Most of all ..... Mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"I brought you into this world ..... and I can take you out."

Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:
"Just wait until we get home."

Mother taught me about RECEIVING:
"You are going to get it when we get home!"

Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."

Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

Mother taught me ESP:
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

Mother taught me HUMOR:
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don't come running to me."

Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

Mother taught me about GENETICS:
"You're just like your father."

Mother taught me about my ROOTS:
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

Mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE:
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

Mother taught me about JUSTICE:
"One day you'll have kids ....
and I hope they turn out just like you!"

~ author unknown

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