With Apologies To Noah
(Playing
~ "Singing In the Rain")
If Noah Lived In the United States Today ....
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In
one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the
whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want
you to save the righteous people
and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I
am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling,
Noah took the plans and agreed to build 
the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the
Ark and bring everythingaboard
in one year." Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds
covered the earth and all the seas
of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his
front yard weeping. "Noah," He shouted.
"Where is the Ark?"
"Lord, please forgive me !" cried
Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I
had
to get a permit for construction and your plans did not meet the
codes. I had to hire an
engineering firm and redraw the plans.
"Then I got into a fight with OSHA over
whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system
and flotation devices. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances
by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance
from the city planning commission.
"Then I had problems getting enough
wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees
to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U. S. Forest
Service that I needed the wood
to save the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't
let me catch any owls. So ... no owls.
"The carpenters formed a union and went
out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the
National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw
or a hammer. Now I have 16
carpenters on the Ark ..... but still no owls.
"When I started rounding up the other
animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected
to my only taking two of each kind on board.
"Just when I got the suit dismissed,
the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without
filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
They didn't take very kindly to
the idea that they had no jurisdicrion over the conduct of the
Creator of the universe.
"Then the Army Engineers demanded a map of the proposed new
flood plain.
I sent them a globe !!
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a
complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard.
"The IRS has seized my assets, claiming
that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country
to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I
owe them some kind of user tax and
failed to register the Ark as a 'recreational watercraft.'
"Finally, the ACLU got the courts to
issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark,
saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious
event and therefore unconstitutional.
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another five or six years," Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm.
A rainbow 
arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean You are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
~ author unknown
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The Lessons
All I really need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark ...
Don't miss the boat.
Don't forget we're all in the same boat.
Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
Stay fit. When you're 600 years old,
someone might ask you to do something really big.
Don't listen to critics; just get on with what has to be done.
For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Two heads are better than one.
Build your future on high ground.
Speed isn't always an advantage. After all, the snails
were on the same ark with the cheetahs.
When you're stressed, float awhile.
Remember the ark was built by amateurs;
the Titanic was built by professionals.
Remember that the woodpeckers inside
are a larger threat than the storm outside.
No matter what the storm,
when God is with you, there's a rainbow waiting.
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The inspired art of Danny Hahlbohm
What the Bible Has to Say
After the Flood ~ the Covenant
"And God spake unto Noah, and to his sons with him, saying,
"And I will establish my covenant with
you; neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters
of a flood; neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy
the earth.
"And God said, This is the token of the
covenant which I make between Me and you and every
living creature that is with you, for perpetual generatons:
I do set my bow (rainbow) in the cloud, and it shall be for a
token of a covenant
between Me and the earth.
"And the bow shall be in the
cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the
everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all
flesh that is upon the earth."
~ Genesis 9:8, 11, 12, 13, 16
Noah's Ark by Currier and Ives
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Springer Harding
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