Vampire Discussions Over Drinks

by Jessie

Summary: Buffy and Xander have a talk about Spike. Basically fluff, with B/S undertones.

Spoilers: Up to "Flooded," though nothing specific about that episode.

Disclaimer: I wish they were mine (one certain vampire in particular) but their not. Maybe in another life.

Authors Note: This is my first Buffy fic ever, though I've been watching the show for a while now. I've been going on a B/S fanfic binge for the past couple days, and it felt only right that I give back by writing my own story, which is, of course, where this came from. Hope you all enjoy, and I would very much appreciate some feedback (preferably the good kind).

***

"I think he still likes you."

Buffy turned her head to look at the dark-haired man sitting at the bar next to her and raised her eyebrows curiously. "What?"

Xander glanced up from his drink and stared at his friend. A lopsided smile crossed his face that was half 'I'm sorry for bringing this up,' and half 'don't worry about it.'

"Spike. I think he still likes you."

Buffy gave him a look, and Xander shrugged a little, then took another drink.

"Okay." She replied lamely, taking a sip of her own drink, but then set it down and looked at him with sudden purpose. "What are you talking about?"

Xander glanced around the bar nervously, as if looking for a quick way out of the conversation that he, himself, had initiated. Not finding any immediate means of escape, he swallowed and resigned himself to the fact that it was his own fault that they were no longer talking about slaying, construction work, or Dawn.

"Nothing." He spoke, almost defensively, then sighed in that way that he used to do when he was in high school. That way that suggested that he had just grown a spine, but his big heart didn't quite know what to do with it. "It's just... sometimes I don't think you realize how much he's still in love with you."

"Of course I..." She trailed off and look down at her hands, wrapped around the glass. "It's not a big deal. He's not obsessive anymore."

"Which, I'll admit, is a plus." He went on. "But you do know that he's still in love with you, right?" He looked at her with big, hesitant eyes, waiting for a response that would mean that he was in the clear.

"I know." She sighed a little and seemed to be thinking about it for a long, quiet moment.

Suddenly she took a drink, and smiled up at Xander pleasantly, as if trying to tell him that she'd be more than happy to change the subject. "It's not a big deal. He knows he can't act on it. He'll get over it."

"I'm not so sure." She gave him an evil look for not taking this opportunity to bring up a different conversation topic, and he hid behind his drink.

"Well, I hate to ask, but why do you think so?" She quickly surrendered to his conversational direction, not having the energy to make him stop.

"Well, when you..." He stumbled over his words. "When you were... you know..."

"Dead?"

"Right. When you were gone, he didn't... he didn't say anything."

Buffy gave her friend a curious look and he tried to better explain himself. "I mean he talked. But he didn't... he never mentioned you to the rest of us. He just sorta... he did what he knew you'd want him to do. He helped us patrol - hell, he probably killed more vampires and demons in a single night than the rest of us did all summer. And he took care of Dawn." Xander shook his head, as though he was trying to either forget or remember something. Or maybe both at the same time.

"The rest of us... we all did our best by her. Tara and Will moved in. And the rest of us were around all the time. Checking up on her. Making sure she was all right. But... Spike was the only one who she really talked to. That whole time, she only ever told Spike what was going on with her. And it's not as if I like to admit this sorta thing - so don't think I'd make it up. But the thing is... he was good to her. He took care of her. And the rest of us too. Made sure none of us did anything stupid or got killed just cause we weren't paying attention on patrol."

"That's great, Xander. But what's it got to do with me?" She was desperately trying to ignore what he as telling her, though her eyes were slowly being overcome by that reflective glint that she got when she was thinking seriously about something.

"I'm just saying... he still loves you. He wouldn't have done what he did if he wasn't in love with you. The obsession things over - thank God - but he still has feelings for you. There's no getting around that."

"How can you be so sure?" She was gonna fight this thing to the death, wasn't she? He sighed a little and pressed on regardless.

"He told me."

"He what?" Buffy's eyes opened wide in disbelief and Xander lowered his head a little, as if embarrassed. "Since when did you and Spike become pals?"

"We didn't. It's just... well... Giles was gone, and Willow had Tara, and Anya's great and all but... she's not really a *guy,* ya know?"

"And Spike is?"

"Well, he was the closest I could get."

"That's incredibly sad."

"Like I've said before: I need guy friends." She gave him a weak smile, but he accepted it gratefully anyway, relieved that she was, at least, doing that much. Ever since she'd gotten back he'd been worried about her.

"Anyway, we went bar hopping a couple times. Played pool. Drank. You know - guy stuff. It was kinda fun."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this." She shook her head and looked like she wanted to laugh, but didn't.

"It's not like I planned to become friends with a vampire. It just sorta happened. There wasn't much either of us could do about it."

"Okay."

"You're mocking me."

She smiled. "I'm not mocking you."

Xander relaxed a little at her assurances and drank down the last of what was in his cup. "So we were shooting some pool and... and I asked him."

"Asked him what?"

"I asked him if he was still in love with you."

"Just like that?"

"Sorta. Well... not really. We sorta tried not to talk about you most of the time. But he was getting on my nerves more than usual that night, so I asked him about you. You know - just to get under his skin."

"Great relationship you guys have."

"This is Spike we're talking about." He gave her a look, as if this should explain it all, and she nodded her head quietly.

"And what did he say?"

"He said I should 'shut the bloody hell up'." Xander gave her another lopsided grin, as she admirably held in any laughter at his imitation British accent. "But then he told me that it didn't matter. That he didn't think he'd ever be able to stop loving you, but it didn't matter 'cause that's not what you wanted." He paused and looked down at the counter top. "Or something like that, anyway."

Buffy stared at him for a long few moments, trying to understand all that Xander was telling her. Trying to make herself understand, when a good portion of her being was telling her that just ignoring the topic would make it go away.

The young woman sighed and looked away.

"I don't know what to do with him."

Xander stared off into space. "You could always stake him." Buffy gave him a look and he smiled a bit. "Kidding. As much as I hate to admit it, I think I might actually miss him. For the first few minutes anyway."

"What do I do?" She looked so lost, sitting there at the bar, contemplating the way her life was turning out, and how this love-sick vampire fit into it all.

"I don't know." Xander admitted somberly. "I just wanted to make sure you knew about him. 'Cause the last thing we need is a vampire nursing a broken heart 'cause you didn't realize that you were leading him on."

"I've never..."

"I know. But I was worried that you might. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were doing."

They were both silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of every one around them in the bar as they tried to digest all that had been said.

"He's been a big help with Dawn." Buffy finally spoke up, and Xander didn't know what to do other than nod his head.

"Yeah."

"I appreciate his help."

"Yeah."

"I just..."

Xander turned his head and stared at her for a long while, contemplating his next move, then deciding 'the hell with it' and jumping in head first. "Do you love him at all?"

Buffy looked up at him suddenly, her expression a mix of surprise and bafflement.

"What kind of a question is that?"

"I just thought... I mean... he's changed so much. So I wondered if you felt anything for him. Platonically that is."

Buffy seemed to think about this for longer than he would have thought necessary, staring into her drink as if it might offer all the answers to her if she just pleaded with it long enough.

"I guess. Platonically, that is. He has changed a lot."

Xander nodded his head and stared off into the distance.

*

"You all alone, luv?" She shouldn't have been startled by his presence, but she was. Her mind had been elsewhere as she had walked up the steps of the back porch, about to enter the house from the back door so as not to wake Giles, who was currently asleep on the couch.

She turned around slowly and gave the vampire a weak smile. "Xander had to get home to Anya. She worries."

Spike nodded his head towards the house. "Little Bit in there worries too. 'Spect she waited up for you."

Buffy glanced at the door and sighed.

"I know." She turned back around and sat down on the porch steps, making it clear that she just wasn't ready to face the others' well-intentioned, though often times overwhelming, worries. Spike took one long, last drag on his cigarette, tossing it aside and making a seat for himself beside her.

They sat like that for a while, in silence. It was soothing to Buffy that they were able to do this. This was what she needed. To be silent, and to have others let her be that way. She was grateful to Spike for this. For many other things as well, but right now: especially for this.

"Thank you." Spike turned his head to look at her, somewhat startled by her sudden words.

"For what?" He cocked his head to the side like he always did in moments such as this one, and waited for her to explain.

She thought about the possible answers to this question for one, drawn out moment, before deciding on a suitable one. "For being there."

Spike nodded his head and turned back to facing the yard in front of them, speaking quietly and briefly, her response to which was only to continue staring off into the distance, letting the word he spoke ring softly in her ears with all of its good intentions.

"Always."

End.

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