Various quotes from everyday life. I swear, people actually said these things.
"Put your head in there. Now turn a little. Now move yourself up just a bit . . ."
-The Spanish teacher in a surprisingly
successful attempt to get her roommate stuck in a
drying rack.
"We've got to have that parking meter!"
-And that would be the Spanish teacher again.
"I don't know how we got to Madonna. She's not even from Canada."
-Mr. Wiebe- history/geography teacher- ponders just
how the class has gotten so off topic
"You're more likely to die in a car crash than on a plane."
"The Concord Jet in Paris hit a couple cars."
-Mr. Wiebe and Joe cure a fear of flying
"The leftern most one."
-Mr. Wiebe locates Washington.
"I love jokes that have states talking to each other."
-Ryan, the kid every one should have to deal with at some point in their lives.
"Like 'what did Alaska say to Hawaii?'"
"They don't say anything- they're states."
"But they think they do."
"Who?"
"The people who make the jokes."
"Well, what do they say?"
"I don't know. Something funny."
-Ryan and Dustin. Better known as tweedledum and tweedledee
"Right on the 'oast'. Uh . . . ocean. The coast."
-Mr. Wiebe explains the location of a beach house
"Calgary, Alberta is famous for its rodeo, and . . ."
"Isn't that where they crucified Christ?"
-Mr. Wiebe and Ryan, demonstrating yet again his
infinite knowledge of both history and geography.
"Just appease the old hippie!"
-Mr. Levin- English/drama/creative writing teacher-
dispenses advice to complaining students
"Remember when we watched that? I don't."
-Ryan reminisces
"Wiebe, you're being the devil. You're growing horns- look at 'em."
-Dustin gets out of a test
"Don't they have people to do that?"
"Yeah. I am a people . . . a person."
-Ryan and Mr. Wiebe in another stunning display of linguistics.
"Ya gotta consider where this was."
"Kansas?"
-Mr. Wiebe and Ryan ponder life in the midwest
"They must feel stupid having no dirt."
-Ryan muses about Canada. Really.
"It would suck if we had another ice age."
"I don't think that's a problem right now."
"I'd move to Phoenix."
-Dustin and Mr. Wiebe
"We really gotta worry about global warming."
"I wish it would warm up faster than this."
-Mr. Wiebe and Nina, reflecting on this latest snow storm
"Don't bring back Mad Cow."
-Mr. Wiebe
"Are we talking about *golf*?"
-Dustin tries to take part in the conversation
"She's been calling every night and harassing my answering machine."
"So if we don't do this- what?"
"She'll call and harass you! Cause I'm giving her your number!"
-Mr. Levin casts stones and makes threats while Jim
tries to get out of an assignment
"No really. There are some horrible creatures that just deserve to be consumed."
-Julia. Every one should meet this girl. Really.
"Order. Order.
"The terrorists in Central America are . . ."
"Now I'm scared to death of nuclear holocaust, the Ebola virus . . ."
"Some one stole our dirt!"
"Any drawbacks?"
"I want a Jewish theme."
"So I was talking to her . . . I'll tell you a little story."
"So then I had to turn the computer upside down to *drain* it."
"I've never been in a car with a *passenger* yelling at other cars. That's the driver's job.
What else are they supposed to do?"
"That's almost like a Saturday Night Live Skit."
"Ew. Freshmen eat in here."
"Are we a western?"
"I've decided not to care anymore."
"Does this mean every one should be paranoid?"
"I'm not a chicken, Sean."
"Woohoo- we have tables. We're still animals."
"Here we are. Another day in . . . what class is this?"
"You guys are seniors and you will- hopefully- graduate on June 6."
"The . . . thing. I really hate to use that word, but . . ."
"I'm going to Canada next week."
"Why dirt?"
"There's not enough dirt. That's why I want Flannery to bring some back."
"Is Martha's Vineyard in the Arctic Circle?"
"Shalom shalom girl."
"Okay. Things people want from Canada: Jess wants chocolate. Wiebe wants dirt.
And Laura wants a guy named Brian."
"Wait- this is history, right?"
"I'm going to go number it right now, so you guys have
a little bit of a reprieve."
"So- you know longitude and latitude?"
"I thought of the perfect mascot for this school. A Pitbull."
"We could have it chained up in the quad. Put some cars up on blocks."
"No! I'm really good at this!"
"I got foot on my hair!"
"I'm pretending I'm Chinese."
"It's cause they're so short. They have better hang time."
"Look at this place- it's huge. This is incredible.
How do they afford all of this? - Oh yeah. The cafeteria."
"We can go if Sadie'll stop making out with her ice cream."
"You're the Bill Clinton of teachers."
"Nice vest there . . . Satan."
"Koala bears don't belong in Flagstaff."
"Okay. It's the ice age."
"Jessica, you have a . . . a *person*"
"Your friendship is worth- at least- a dollar."
"And then, when it comes up on an episode, you can
point and say 'I was there!' Except- you know- you
don't have any proof, since you *forgot to bring your camera!*"
"You'll find no herpes here."
"For a billion dollars I'd sleep with a *pinecone*."
"My calves are so disgusting. You could eat them."
". . . and then we can go on with our lives. Only, this time, with cookies."
"I don't wanna talk about it. Just take my shirt off."
"Can you dive off a cruise ship?"
"It's the year 2000 over here. How's everything on that side of the room?"
"Lee- get your girlfriend off me."
"It reminds me of 'The Land Before Time'"
"I want you to be my sister so I can beat you up."
". . . and that's where McNuggets come from."
"He kept pointing out rivers without water in them. I wondered if he'd given me drugs."
"I forgot that there were firemen in olden times."
"What happened?"
"Do I have to give him his pants back?"
"Well, isn't she *pleasant*."
“Brazil’s only slightly larger than the U.S. (pause) They might take over the world someday!”
“What’s that place in Alaska?”
“What if you get lost? How do you find your way home if you don’t know your own address?”
“Wow- look at all the ‘Denny’s’ between here and Wisconsin.”
“Plan the trip however you want. As long as I can eat at ‘Denny’s’ I’m good.”
“Taking pictures of freaks that I don’t know? I’d rather staple my head to the floor.”
“Why do they call tuna ‘dolphin *safe*’? What’s so dangerous about eating dolphins?”
“Those hairless cats are so ugly. They look like raw meat. You just wanna throw ‘em on a barbecue.”
“Can we stop whistling?”
"And when the volcano blew up, there were, of course, a lot of . . ."
"Yeah, I'm liberal- but I'm not, like, Oregon-liberal."
"What's this 'American Literature'? Is that what this class is called?"
"You can get a mail order bride from there."
"You know. Old Faithful- the geyser."
"We are- right now- floating on molten rock."
"I had to go to askjeeves.com and ask Jeeves 'how do I
cheat on my homework?' Except it's not cheating, cause
Flannery did it too."
"That river looks like it should be in China."
"I'd migrate to Peru. If it weren't for all the animals."
"The Galapagos were in Washington DC last year."
"Dolphins suck."
"Is it in use?"
"Ryan, can I have a cookie?"
"Well, it *is* a giant tomb."
"It's a very Disney-like-ish ride."
"Wait- I have one more question. Then you can talk
about the night club."
"Oh! I have another heart-attack story!"
"Please don't mark him tardy. I was . . . beating him
with sticks behind the wood shed."
"'High powered'? Like the ruler of the world or something?"
"I haven't burped in front of people in a long time."
"I hate this baby."
"Oh my God! The Sixth Sense . . . with robots!"
"But Asia- argghh - it makes me so mad! There are too many
countries there. Why can't Russia just control everything?"
"So- did ya hear? The shepards are going on strike."
"We should go find it . . . with our sheep."
"Pay attention young grasshopper. When you can snatch
the book from my hand you may go on to Senior English."
"Speaking of Big Brother . . ."
"Anyways . . . read my 'Jewel' poem."
"Make artistic love
"Mr. Wiebe- you have two kids, right?"
"Is she shaking to you?"
"So Jesus was a carpenter?"
"Jesus was Christian. No, wait- he can't worship
himself can he? What was he?"
"Let's be Hindus."
". . . and Antarctica."
"They said Waterworld was stupid cause the ocean would only
rise, like, twelve inches. So I don't think that's gonna
happen. But it'd still be cool to have gills."
"What was his name? Mel Gibson?"
"I try really hard. Just cause I don't listen in class
he thinks I don't try."
"I could never hit any one . . . anymore."
"Do you think this is a sign?"
"If you go to school that day- you're stupid."
"Selling souls for sunglasses."
"Poor Jesus."
"My teacher just compared Hamlet to Pink Floyd."
"It's okay, Zoë. My mom hates a lot of people."
"Yes, his life is so terrible. He's had to sacrifice his pants
in order to survive."
"She can't kill me if I'm not there."
"It's hard to take over the world and cook at the same time."
"Cameron, did you change your clothes?"
"Where are my pants?"
"Why do you only agree with me when I'm right?"
"That would have been rude if we didn't know you."
"Darth Maul is spying on me."
"God I need some special effects!"
"Somebody find that kid's stomach."
"Peace, love, and Taco Bell."
"Some one please get this guy a bongo."
"Edward Norton gave it to me. He's my daddy."
Jessie (on the phone with Matt): "You really need to call Zoe, Matt."
(On the phone with Matt) "Gotta go. Zoe has knives."
"David Kemper is the devil."
"I'm not a freak or anything . . . It's just that God's spoken to me . . . Twice."
"Jess, this is no joke. Your sister's on the floor *dying*, and all you wanna do is play with Saran Wrap."
"Let's go camping!"
". . . And she ate the whole thing."
"I would *so* be good at being that girl who lip-synchs in the music videos
"No- I'm an inventor. I'm not supposed to go to work."
"Ow! My eye!"
"Put your finger in my bellybutton."
"So I opened up my back pack in fourth period- and it suddenly hit me that
"Some one really should have kicked my ass."
"*I* was friends with some Mormons this summer."
"The theme of that story is that gay men know the right direction."
"You know, it was a really big revelation for Nancy that there are more freaks
"It's not even in the top ten any more. They don't party like they used to."
"Considering I got a 'B' last class- I didn't write. I didn’t want to soil the world with my 'B' writing."
"So there's me. I'm playing Judas. I'm betraying Jesus every night."
"Arizona? Isn't that in Europe?"
"Remember when Carmela talked in class and you assigned us that paper for no reason?"
Meghan: "I'm majoring in computer science and dance. You can't get more geeky than that."
"Do you have problems making friends, Jacob? I'm going to be sorounded by geeks."
"See this cappucino? I usually don't drink coffee. But I have the freshmen today."
"You don't know what it's like. I'm really scared."
"I went up to my guidance counsler senior year and told her: 'Mrs. Hunt, I wanna be an astronaut.'
"Always remember- if you're good, you can get away with murder. But if you talk…"
"The 'no-parking' sign is really sturdy. I mean, it's attatched to a tree, but it's really on there."
"I refuse to read Harry Potter."
"Oh, I forgot- I'm just a bunch of nerve cells. Oops."
"Don't we not talk about Tom Hanks in here? Isn't that- like- a rule?"
"Look at you guys. You even look like you bought coffee at a gas station."
". . . And he'd whisper putrid nothing in my nipple."
"For some reason, whenever I go into a room and Joan is there, she chases me.
"I went to Spearfish, North Dakota and got on a first name basis with the dry cleaners there."
"Did you guys already read 'The Great Gatsby'? Really? Well that helps out a lot."
"That was my idea for teaching sex ed. Just say 'penus, penus, penus,
"Never go to Fortsmith, Arkansas. Unless you're, like, writing a book on inbreeding."
"I think it's because he's Native American."
"I love Cody. He's like a middle-aged, black woman, trapped in a white boy's body."
"That's what I'll do. I'll sell my soul for a thousand dollars and a new car. There's gotta be
"It's not the kareoke that changed me. I don't believe Kareoke can change a person."
"Quick! Where's the manual on what to do if you have elephantitis?!"
"I have a high score of 4,427 in tetris."
"Dan, you just got on 'The Price Is Right'- why are you calling me?"
"So- I'm not exagerating here- my backpack fell a good 150 feet. And I was like . . . 'dude.'"
"No, I'm fine. It's this weird French tea that I just had. I don't know what was in it,
"Studying French history is so much easier… every answer is: 'they surrendered.'"
"Yeah. So now we've got all these little fishies on Prozac."
"Now, let's do Emily . . . (grins) Not many teachers can say that."
"We could have the Brady Bunch. All grown up. On Survivor. With MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice."
"So, she said 'Binky' and 'Huevos'. And that was that."
"So, I started with the shoe and the egg- but then it just got to be all about my pent-up frustration around my parents."
"Cookies do not equal happiness."
"Where's your Gameboy?"
"Put your Gameboy Advanced away, son. If I can't have mine out, you can't have yours."
"As I said in Creative Writing class after we watched that hard core porn: don't tell your parents."
"I think I'm a Greek God."
"Binky didn't touch you?"
"Stop with the the dang quotes! I'm just living my life!"
"Well, you don't have to think of them sexually to… I'm gonna stop talking now."
"Jeremy-who?"
"I'm a good person, right?"
"Dude, not everything is about big penuses, Mr. Levin."
"Featured writers this month [in the school newspaper]? Me and my sister. (grins) No, that's not suspicious."
"It's in A minor."
"Do you ever feel like life is making fun of you?"
"See, you're mad at me because now *I'm* the beacon light."
"Maybe you're not enlightened, Mr. Levin."
"My idea is to take away every television in America, and replace it with a big pile of dope instead. At least we'd have more fun."
"I'm a pacifist, but if any one ever tried to hurt my loved ones, I'd kill 'em in a heartbeat. So I'm a weird sort of pacifist."
"I get a lot of my wisdom from crime novels."
"I'll give you a dollar to be gay."
"Truly, every one at this school is neurotic enough to be a great play."
"Are you calling me a smurf?"
"So- uh- yeah. My girlfriend was giving my english teacher a massage. And I was just like: 'uh…'"
"Brent's pretty cool."
"This is sorta my philosophy about it: history sucks."
"Is there a Spanish word for moonwalk?"
"Everyday we'll be talking about hell."
"Oh my dear- you are so bright! She found the penus in the poster!"
"It was great. The entire senior class was sitting on the floor, painting pictures and singing along to 'The Lion King' soundtrack."
"And that will, of course, send you straight to hell for all eternity."
"It's just like being in school: you talk, you write, you talk, whatever."
"Eww, gross! I mean, they're cute, but not in one big wad."
"Carol Burnett is a huge Diva."
"You could take any of the boys... uh, men... um, young men... here and put them in the role of Treplev. Because they're that neurotic."
"...adult issues. Adult issues... Okay- sex."
"The Monk is kind of a precursor to Harry Potter."
"Don't let your parents see that book!"
"Hello. Welcome back to Creative Writing. I'm your host, Mike Levin, and I'll be with you for the next 85 minutes."
"Dude, MacGuyver could build a helicopter outa duct tape."
"Should I throw in a serial killer?"
"Hey Kial, later on in class, can I run my fingers through your hair?"
"I don't respond well to blackmail. It usually results in you dropping a letter grade."
"I saw the empty container and I was like: 'Oh, they had ice cream.' Then I heard the story, and I was like: 'Oh, Zoe had ice cream.’"
"Well there was this one time… and for some reason I was holding a broom."
"Now, that's a good question. And maybe I can throw in my 'abstinence' lecture here."
"Well, I'll tell ya now, once you take the sex out, the books get a lot drier."
"She said: 'Be good tonight, and don't get into any trouble now.' 'Cause I guess we looked like rebels with our big proton packs."
"Is that Christian Slater? Oh God."
"< In thick Scottish accent > Stop making fun of me. I'm damn sexy."
"A nice little poem about angels... eating her face!"
"Happy Thanksgiving. Here's a test."
"I didn't say it; God said it."
"I went to this day camp yesterday. And all those little rascals running around just tied my tubes in a knot right there."
"He just eats the Oreo on a spiritual level."
"Christopher Walkin is my father and the Weakest Link lady is my mom."
"How long has it been since I smelled the back of my hand? ... And why does it smell like that?"
"Born in France, raised in New Jersey: I'm just trying to make up for all that bad karma."
"Is 'Concho' your real name?"
"I put on a cowboy hat and did a musical interpretation of 'Death of a Salesman' with a guitar that I didn't know how to play."
"These are like the obituaries’ greatest hits."
"I just think that if bin Laden came on over, had some Starbucks, checked out the vegetables, and read a newspaper... it'd all be good."
"'There's Mr. Levin with a bonfire of his wife's diaries, shooting roosters again.'… Me in forty years."
"Magic flute."
"Knock, knock."
"Dude, do not shoplift from Target on show night!"
"We are not going to touch God today. Or become one with the Buddha. Sorry."
"I have the sudden urge to rush into Kinko's at three in the morning, screaming 'I need to get this laminated! Now!'"
"Can I have my damn pen back? Or are you gonna keep that too- along with my pride?!"
"I don't feel comfortable with you wearing underwear to school."
"Well, Mr. Anderson, you're getting a glorified email."
"There are math police?"
“I woke up and was like ‘what happened to my lung? Where’d it go?’”
“So my brother was reading ‘Fahrenheit 451,’ right? And he comes to me and he’s complaining that he doesn’t understand it at all. So he asks me to explain the plot to him, and he asks me to start after ‘they go to the hospital’ and I’m like ‘Alex, when did they go to the hospital?’ And he’s just like, ‘you know. After the barbecue.’ I’m like, ‘Alex, you do know this book takes place in the future, right?’ And he just stares at me and goes ‘…Oh!.’”
“You know who’d set this Alex guy straight?”
“Zoe, no seducing, this period.”
“I understand that I didn’t understand what was so cool about blue hair.”
“What were we talking about where we sounded intelligent?”
“And then I got hit up for money by a crack addict. Which was really entertaining.”
“He was cute. You know- in a ‘scary-man-who-dresses-in-drag’ sorta way.”
“Christmas was sad because I missed my little brothers.”
“Somebody ate my Walt Whitman.”
“We’re moderately productive in here. And I use the word ‘moderately’ loosely.”
“Wait just a sec. I marked the pages with my ‘alchie’ parents’ wine coupons…” (Class cracks up) “It’s not that funny… Stop laughing!”
“I have a lot more restraints on my time now than I did when I was starving.”
“Oh my God! There’s a lizard in the Grand Canyon and it’s called the I’m-a-paranoid-freak-lizard!”
“Did I know Levin is left handed?”
“If everyone was like Bono, the world would be a better place.”
“If she doesn’t stop talking about her penus, I’m gonna…”
“That’s totally out of context! People are gonna think I’m stupid!”
“Wait. I have to tell you something… I’m your father.”
“The painting of the emaciated people is so cute.”
“I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’m a loser.”
“Why don’t you suck my toe!”
“Well, my worst pornography story…”
“Incest is best; that’s why we got married.”
“I’m such a free-sample freak. It could be a free-sample of shit and I’d be like ‘Oh my God!’ and freak out.”
“Why doesn’t any one have a band called ‘three-inch penus’ yet?”
“Kirstin Dunst is a fat hoe.”
“I’m not gonna tell my mom that she’s like chocolate between my lips.”
“I wanted to lick you all over.”
“It was like Revelations was coming true, and I was being attacked by frogs and locusts and bycilists.”
“I was so ‘Jedi Master’ yesterday. I have now done things with a music stand that no other teacher has done.”
“Did you just call me ‘pumpkin-tits’?”
“If you called me ‘squash-tits’ that would be weird.”
“Did I ever tell you I saw a Rod Stewert concert?”
“Well, now that the conversation’s come full circle back to Kerri’s ass…”
“You were wearing the same clothes as the masturbator?!”
“Mercury’s the Sun’s little bitch.”
“I wish these people had nuts so I could kick them.”
“I can only hope my daughter becomes an artist. But, with my luck, she’ll probably end up being a jock or joing the army.”
“The only reason I come to this class is to listen to Cody and Natalie talk about Natalie’s balls.”
“You can suck that ‘all right’”
Back to Everyday Quotes
-Another classic Levin moment
"Wait. Central America? Like in Kansas?"
-Mr. Wiebe tries to teach and Dustin tries to learn
". . . and Canadians."
-Ryan and Dustin
-Mr. Wiebe
"Well- I get Malaria."
"*You* get Malaria?"
"Yeah."
"Well I would think that'd be a drawback, yeah."
-Host of a really odd travel video interviewing some random guy in Africa
"Guerrillas!"
-Ryan and Sayer
-Either Ryan or Zoë. I don't remember which.
-Mr. Levin fixes his laptop
-Julia puts an argument to rest
-Zoë remarks on the Protestant Reformation
-Ryan warns against eating at the tables
-Ryan
"About germs?"
"Yeah."
-Sadie and Jessie discuss hygiene
"*YES!!!* No- just kidding."
-A random student joins the long list of those
completely terrified of Mr. Levin
-Jessie explains biology
-Josh makes a good (though highly sarcastic) point
"History"
". . . history."
-Dustin and Kelsey start the day
"At what time?"
-Ms. Durocher and Dustin, eager to leave high school
-Jared, not knowing that he's just put himself in a
scene straight off Aaron Sorkin's desk
"Bring back dirt."
-Flannery and Mr. Wiebe (Notice any running themes?)
"Well, it's gonna be pretty hard to find cause- you
know- the glacier pushed all the dirt away."
-Flannery and Mr. Wiebe indirectly make fun of Ryan
-Mr. Wiebe
-Ryan. Did I mention his astounding knowledge of geography?
"What's up Ezekiel?"
-Cody and Zoë, being Jewish ganstas
-Flannery, who actually made a list
"Right."
"What's happening?"
-Dave gets confused
"I don't know what that means."
-Mr. Wiebe and Dustin; an awkward moment
"Yeah."
"Well, you know how there's a lot of them in America?"
-Ryan tries to get answers out of Wiebe
-Ryan interrupts class with an important announcement
-Mr. Wiebe expands on that announcement
-Ryan attempts sports
-Jessie, sleep-deprived and across the country from her own bed
"Do the Chinese do that?"
"They fly!"
-Sadie and Jessie, having not slept for many many hours
-Kristin tries to make logic out of exhaustion
-Dante, having just paid twenty dollars for lunch
-Dante takes charge
-Heather to Mr. Wiebe
-Jessie to Mr. Wiebe, after having been teased
mercilessly by said history teacher
-Heather ponders over her role in society
-Mr. Wiebe gives up
-Zoë grasps for words to describe the opposite sex
-Sadie gets sentimental
-Mr. Wiebe, being Satan
-Anne spreads the good news
-Julia
-Marja, during an interesting lunch break
-Adriane
-Soooo not what you're thinking.
"I suppose, if you wanted to."
"No- but I mean, can you get back on?"
-Dustin and Mr. Wiebe try very hard to understand each other
-Ryan suddenly understands history
-Jessie attempts to separate herself from an overly
caffinated Kristin
"Oh yeah! It does! (Pause) Crap. Now I'm picturing myself with dinosaurs."
-Adriane and Jessie take in the scenery
-Mr. Levin to Julia. Those two were made for each other
-Jessie scares the fast food lovers of the group
-Julia, upon first arriving to Arizona
-Heather
"You missed it. She just flashed every one."
"No she didn't. I was watching."
-Dustin and Joe discuss Paige
-Zoë, regarding Matt, after she had just broken up with him.
And it's really not what you think.
-Jessie learns sarcasm.
-Dustin studies foreign countries
“Anchorage?”
“Yeah. How do you spell it?”
-Dustin and Flannery have fun with geography
“I look in my wallet. But I forgot my wallet today, so I hope I don’t get lost.”
-Mr. Wiebe learns more about Dustin
-Dustin, in awe
-Wiebe mocks his students
-Dustin becomes suddenly shy
-Josh tries to be animal-friendly
-Tyler offends both cat-lovers and vegetarians everywhere
-Josh gets confused
"Indians?"
-Mr. Wiebe and Dustin struggle with political-correctness
-Nancy
-Sadie, on very little sleep
-Dustin shares
"What's Old Faith . . . oh oh oh! The Trojan commercial! The geyser!"
-Wiebe and Dustin find common ground
"Don't tell Katie- she'll freak out."
-Wiebe frightens Paige with plate tectonics
-Ryan explains his history paper
-Ryan. Will geography class ever be normal?
-Ryan again. I swear, he get's weirder everyday
-Paige confuses Mr. Wiebe
-Jessie upsets art class
"No- it's art."
-Ryan explains culture to Mr. Wiebe
"Sure." (Tosses one to her)
"Are those cookies yours?"
"No."
-Katie and Ryan explore dining options
-Whitney
-Laura has fun with words
-Mr. Wiebe becomes a student in his own class
-Whitney entices Mr. Levin
"Why didn't you get me?"
"Because I'm tired of beating you with sticks behind
the wood shed."
-The math teacher and Mr. Wiebe
-Dustin wonders about the new neighbors
-Sadie digests
-Heather lets her motherly instincts take over
-Jessie, upon seeing the preview for A.I. for the first time
-Katie rants on politics
"We have shepards?"
"They heard sheep in California."
"There are sheep in Californina?"
-Mr. Wiebe, Katie, and me learn more about our country
-Ryan makes a joke
-Ms. Martin, English teacher, calms an over-stressed student
-Ms. Martin introduces the next lesson
-Cody, proving his manhood
Not school politics."
-Sign on the doorway to a school board meeting
"Yeah."
"Girls?"
"Yeah."
"I think I had a dream about them last night."
-Dustin scares the hell outa Mr. Wiebe
"Yeah."
"I think she's on crack."
-Ryan and Dustin learn to be considerate
"Yeah. Like his father."
"Wait- God was a carpenter?"
-Dustin and Mr. Wiebe
-Dustin finds religon class difficult
-Ryan
"Which shouldn't count."
"Why not?"
"What if it melts?"
-Mr. Wiebe and Ryan
-Dustin confuses . . . well, everybody
"Let's just say it was."
-Ryan and Dustin get their facts straight
-Sayer
-The Spanish teacher frightens the class once again
"What?"
"That we're starting our day by going down?"
-Jessie faces an escalator
-A friendly message from the administration
-Wiebe buys black market Oklies
-Ms. Martin gets sentimental
-Another traumatized English student, courtesy of Ms. Martin
-Matt, in an unsuccessful attempt to calm his girlfriend
-Zoe sarcastically defends her reasoning for giving Matt a hard time.
-Cameron makes sense
-Adriane gets deffensive
"No. Hey, wait- when?"
-Adriane and Cameron confuse each other
-Jessie, inadvertantly, makes fun of Matt
-Donald
-Holly pokes fun at me
-Cameron scares the locals
-Adriane compares life to action movies
-Adriane considers becoming a doctor
-Jessie gets deep
-Adriane helps
-Holly gains our trust
Zoe: "No he doesn't. I despise him. I hate his guts."
Matt: "What did she say?"
Jessie: "She says she loves you and you need to call her."
-Jessie
"No, *Rockne O'Bannon* is the devil. David Kemper is the devil's trusty sidekick."
-Maren and Jessie discuss the recent events on Farscape
-Mr. Levin. The scary thing is he's totally serious.
-Adriane keeps a straight face
"Yeah. We can get back to nature with rice cakes and turkey dogs."
-Sarah and Heather respect the environment
-Dante finishes his rather amusing story about Zoe getting high
because the actual artist is too ugly to put on screen."
-Jessie shows some empathy
-Cameron makes a career choice
"Quick! Somebody get the button jar!"
-Jessie finally understands the art of sewing
"No. I shouldn't."
-Abe tries to respect Lauren's body
the sole contents of the thing, besides my math book, were a leopard print push-up bra
and a copy of '10 Things I Hate About You'."
-Meghan
-Sean reflects on freshmen year
-Levin
-Levin
and psychos in Flagstaff, Arizona, than in New York City."
-Levin (Nancy just nods emphetically)
-Levin talks about the college he attended
-Kyle remains bitter about Creative Writing class
-Levin talks about his summer vacation
-Sean displays a lack of mental capabilities
(Laughs uncontrollably)"Yeah. That was great."
-Kyle and Levin
Pearl: "Yeah? What are you majoring in, Jacob?"
Jacob: "Computer science and music."
-Meghan dreads college
-Levin dreads his next class
-Levin sums up his experiences with the freshmen class
And she looked me in the eye and said: 'You're not smart enough.'"
-Levin recounts the demise of his first passion
-Ms. Bell gives reason to be afraid of third period
-Kyle interupts english class
"Why?"
"Because it's popular."
"Well, so's Shakespeare."
"Yeah, but he'd dead."
"So if I go out and kill J. K. Rowling, you'd read Harry Potter?"
"Yes."
-Zia and Levin argue the politics of childrens books
-Levin shares the meaning of life with his class
-Nancy cringes at the thought of a 'Cast Away' reference
-Levin pokes fun at a couple of his students
- English class Mad-Lib
So we were running across the decks the other day and I threw one of those
plastic lawn chairs in front of her. And she tripped over it and got all pissy.
Then, yesterday, I went into French class and she was there, and she started chasing me in
the middle of class, so I threw one of those regular chairs at her. And I mean
one of those old ones, with all the sharp metal sticking out everywhere.
(laughing) And she just fell flat on her face. Well then I got scared, so I ran into
the english room and locked the door. And she kept banging on it- I was, like,
scared for my life. And then- oh my god- she threw a *rock* through the *window*."
-Levin makes friends with his students (Thanks to whoever recorded this)
-Levin recounts another 'how I spent my summer vacation' story
-Levin bases another lesson plan on the off-chance that his students are well-read
penus, penus' thirty times, so every one can laugh and get it out of their systems . . . Yeah. They wouldn't let me teach that class."
-Levin talks about anatomy
-Josh takes his cues from Levin on that whole 'how I spent my summer vacation' thing
"Yeah. They get fresh with ya all the time."
Jonathan and Jim (who're both Native American) make fun of red necks
-Zoe describes Cody to a 'T'
a billionare out there, somewhere who wants my soul."
-Brent solves his financial problems
-Alicia talks seriously about life-altering events
-Jim becomes suddenly paranoid
"You play that game far too often."
"Do you have any idea how boring French class is?"
"How boring?"
"So boring that I can have a high score of 4,427 in tetris."
-Danny explains how he's not a geek
-Haley, on the phone with her brother in the middle of class
-Mr. Anderson, the (new) social studies teacher, impresses the class with his knack for story-telling
but now I'm chewing on students' pens and laughing uncontrollably."
-The Spanish teacher seems to enjoy scaring her students
-Rov (on Slipstreamweb)
-Ms. Bell teaches water conservation. No, really.
"That's cause not many teachers are perverts."
-Levin talks about a student and Nancy puts him in his place (He, of course, just laughs)
-Meghan gets excited
-Levin explains why the substitute quit
-Natalie is still bitter about being grounded
-Meghan tries, desperately, to be serious
"Oh- I left it at home. 'Cause when I bring it to school I play it, and all the other teachers yell at me."
-Mr. Levin goes after the pity vote
-Mr. Levin grows suddenly bitter
-Levin institutes job security
-Levin makes an announcement to the school
-Levin gets personal
-Levin catches a few students making notes
"Good. Me too."
-Mr. Levin and Jessie embaress the hell outa each other
"Jeremy-who-has-no-good-ideas-so-he-steals-mine-Johnson."
-Kyle holds a grudge
"Yeah. Except you're overprotective about your cave."
-Adriane puts Stephanie in her place
-Nancy gets fed up with English class
-Adriane demonstrates her power over the student body
-Tyler describes English class. Really.
"Sure."
"But I mean- like- you specifically."
-Mr. Levin insults another student
-Natalie discovers why Mr. Levin makes fun of her
"Well… screw you."
-Natalie upsets the english teacher
-Mr. Levin lectures his english class about TV
-Mary, the substitue teacher
-Mary explains her logic
-Natalie propositions her brother
-Mr. Levin wins friends
-Kristin gets offended easily
-Josh doesn't know what to think
"Brent's a crack addict."
"Yes, but he's surprisingly well read."
-Jessie defends her new friendship
-Mr. Anderson. The new history teacher.
-Mr. Levin interrupts Spanish class with an important question
-Mr. Levin explains the lesson plan
-Levin praises my attention to detail. Rather loudly. In the middle of class. And he isn't being sarcastic here.
-Jessie can't get over the weirdness that are her classmates
-Mr. Levin talks about being late to his class
-Ken Waldmen
-Rebecca. Science class. 'nough said.
"Isn't she? < bitter > She's such a bitch."
-Jim and Mr. Levin; a tangent in English class
-Mr. Levin on our high school’s male population
-Mr. Levin works on subtlety
-Levin again. If you've read ‘The Monk’ then you know why this is funny.
-Mr. Levin's parting words at the end of class, aka: the standard warning on all English homework
-I’ll give ya three guesses.
"Duct tape and a Swiss army knife."
"No. Just duct tape. He didn't need no knife; he got teeth don't he?"
-Meghan fighting it out in the middle of American History
-Kial edits his play
-Mr. Anderson
-Mr. Anderson
-Kristin recalls the ‘Zoe gets high’ story
-Cody begins a story
-Mr. Levin
-Levin
-Kial talks about Halloween (he was dressed as a ghost buster)
-Nancy doesn’t understand cinema
-Mr. Levin (as Sean Connery)
-Mr. Levin
-Ms. Bell surprises her physics class
-Another of Mr. Levin’s standard disclaimer
-Marja
-Kelly, on what his son’s Buddha statue does with the Oreo’s he leaves as an offering
-Natalie puts her home life into perspective for the rest of us
-Levin freaks out in Creative Writing
-Buddhist Monk on why he became a monk
"'Concho?' From New Jersey? Are you kidding?"
-Buddhist Monk
-Mr. Levin's old lesson plan for the Freshmen class
-Mr. Levin
-Levin dissects world peace
-Levin
"More like Magic 'Fluke.'"
"Or 'Crappy' Flute.
"Magic 'Poop.'"
"'Extreme waste of time and energy'... Flute."
-Kial and Levin bash their last theatre experience
"Who's there?"
"Magic Flute."
"Magic Flute, who?"
"Magic Flute sucks."
-Kial and Levin
-Levin when the star of his show didn't make it to opening night because he was sitting in prison
-Levin
-Christine
-Natalie holds a grudge
-Mr. Levin
-Becca, on her term paper
"Yeah. And they have really big hats."
-Mr. Anderson
-Brent, having smoked a pack the night before for the first time
-Becca on her brother’s brief foray into the wonderful world of books
“Who?”
“Mr. T. < impersonating Mr. T > I pity the fool ‘don’t read.”
-Kyle has helpful suggestions for Becca’s brother
-Ms. Bell, in what has quickly become a standard warning for her classes with Zoe
-Natalie ponders her own adolescence
“The death penalty.”
“Oh yeah. The death penalty. Yeah, we sounded smart.”
-Mr. Levin
-Levin on what he did for winter break
-Natalie on the boy she met last weekend
“Who were with your dad. Who was with the cop.”
“Right.”
-More fun with ‘What I did on my winter break’ stories
-Levin hits a snag in his English lesson
-Natalie on Creative Writing Class
“It’s just so sad.”
-Natalie and Mr. Levin during Natalie’s English presentation
-Guest speaker
-Guest speaker
-Zia
-Mr. Levin
-Mr. Levin, about Natalie in Creative Writing class
-Evan, discovering he’s been quoted
-Bridget
-Bridget’s commentary on Spanish art
-Jessie, a late night in Mexico
“Why don’t you… pretend I just said something intelligent.”
-Kristin and Dante, on the plane ride home
-Haley embaresses Mr. Levin in an airport
-Levin, on his wife
-Natalie
-Another Levin outburst in the middle of class
“Is that a poem?”
-Cody and Mr. Levin in Creative Writing
-Natalie trying to write a poem for Mother’s Day
“Not something I want to hear from a teacher.”
-Mr. Levin and Jessie, another awkward moment
-Levin describes his drive to work
-Levin kicks a few students’ asses
-Natalie gets offended
“That could be a Broadway number.”
-Natalie and Levin
“Is that a pick-up line?”
-Natalie and Levin
-Levin wraps up Creative Writing class.
-Whitney
-Jerrod talks astronomy
-Sean gets frustrated
-Levin
-Jessie
-Levin to Jessie over a critisicm of his favorite book.