"Don't move! Or I'll fill you full of . . . little yellow bolts of light!"
-John

John: "Looks like it's just you and me."
D'Argo: "Actually, it is just me . . . and you."

Zhaan: "He says he is experiencing the future."
Aeryn: "The future? He can barely function in the present."

"If the gauntlet brings out the real you- both of you should think long and hard about therapy!"
-John

"Look, I'm new to all this escaped prisoner crap, all right?"
-Aeryn

Tracker: "We are Volkarian Blood trackers. The best!"
John: "*Second* best. I'm Butch, this is Sundance."

John: "How good are you two? Because I might be willing to cut you in. You help me capture the prisoners; I'll split the bounty. Seventy - thirty."
Tracker: "Seventy . . . forty!"
John: "Eighty - forty. You in or out?"

John: "Slicker'n'snot."
Aeryn: "My microbes had to have translated that one wrong."

Aeryn: "Can you hand me that axe?"
John: "Yeah- what are you going to do with it?"
Aeryn: "Hack my foot off."
John: "Oh, in that case, let me."

"It's like Disney on acid and ten years of great sex all at the same moment!"
-John

"I do respect your teachings, Pa'u Tuzak."
"And I respect your choice of murder victims."
-Zhaan and Tuzak

"I can't believe this, but I need Crichton."
-Aeryn

"I miss the sun. Day. Night. Little things."
-John

"Listen miss- I know this is going to sound insane, but this is Australia, right?"
-John

"I have got to get out of here before I end up like you!"
"What? Handsome with great sexual prowess?"
-John and Rygel

"Before I got here, did they believe anything you said?"
-Chiana

Rygel: "I should make you wear a bell around your neck!"
Chiana: "Keep your fantasies to yourself, Grub Boy!"
Rygel: "About you? Eewwww!"

Scorpius: "I know you're living on a stolen Leviathan with escaped prisoners. And I know that the Leviathan is pregnant."
John: "Do you know who the father is?"

Chiana: "A distress call? Directed at us?"
John: (snickers) "How stupid is that?"

Zhaan: "There is much cruelty in the universe."
John: "Yeah . . . And we seem to have a treasure map to it."

John: "What the hell did he just say?"
Chiana: "Something about his corpse . . . and a bodily function."
John: "Oh, that'll help."

"Don't tell me how to lie- it's one of the best things I do!"
-Chiana

"Well, it's a Jerry Springer kind of family. But, for what it's worth, Zhaan- you are family."
-John

"You're letting *Rygel* be your advocate? You're worse off than ya look."
-John

D'Argo: "I hate this stuff."
John: "Chicks love it."

John: "How much time do we have after it starts?"
D'Argo: "She was vague to the point that I suspect she doesn't have a clue."
John: "Excellent."

"You want to have a mid-life crisis? Fine. That's, just . . . Ditch the firm, head off to Maui, shack up with the supermodel, but you do not get to keep the Porsche!"
-John

Aeryn: "I wonder if I've got any grenades left."
Chiana: "She's kidding, right? Tell me that she was kidding."
John: "Well, with Aeryn . . . ya never know."

John: "Be nice."
Aeryn: "I'm not good at nice."
John: "Just don't shoot her."

Scorpius: "Revenge is a dish best served cold- and you like revenge, don't you?"
John: "Shut up! . . . I hate when villains quote Shakespeare."

D'Argo: "Go on. Kill me."
Scorpius: "Go on, John, do it! Then we can go to the beach. I know a place with naked Sebacean women and margarita shooters!"

"I've got great eyes! They're better than 20/20, and they're blue!"
-John

"Haven't you read the Super-Villain's Handbook? This is where you're supposed to twirl your mustache and gloat."
-John

Rygel: "Best not ponder questions like these."
Chiana: "Forget about it. Just sit back and enjoy the happy ending."

John: "Did you send the 'we're pathetic so don't shoot us' message yet?"
D'Argo: "First thing."

Aeryn: "It wasn't my door he was last seen sniffing around."
Chiana: "Some women consider that a compliment."
Aeryn: "Some women have to."
D'Argo: "Whoa, whoa, whoa-oa . . . As entertaining as this is at the moment . . ."

"How Batman was that?!"
-John

D'Argo: "Where's Aeryn?"
John: "Good question."
D'Argo: "Bad answer."

John: "Sooner or later, one of us is going to have to find a bathroom."
D'Argo: (Laughs, then stops suddenly) "I really wish you hadn't said that."

"This is the weirdest hoosegow I've ever been in. Slammer, clink, jail, prison . . ."
"Just how many have you been in?"
"Just what are you implying?"
-John and Aeryn

"If you're here to tell me what a wonderful thing the Nebari are doing for you, I am *not* interested!"
-Pilot

"Oh, Rygel, my little Husky! I have a stick for youuuu . . ."
-John

"Crichton, did that work for you? I thought it worked."
-Pilot

Chiana: "I want to go to him."
John: "I know. But since when do people like us get what we want?"

"Ten percent of this plan is lunacy! Fifty percent of this plan is not enough! One hundred percent of dead is dead!"
-Rygel

John: "Aeryn, if Scorpius gets me . . ."
Aeryn: "I know. Shoot you."
John: "No, no! Shoot him!"

"What are you doing with that head?"
"He's an old enemy. I like that he doesn't talk back."
-Rorf and Rygel

"Mine mine mine! Can I have this? Can this be mine? We can all have anything we want now! Any food, any female, right? Right?"
-Rygel

"You know, it used to be easy to write these reviews."
-Kiki reviews "Liars, Guns, and Money 3: Plan B"

"You're gonna tell me my health plan doesn't cover this, right?"
-John

"Aeryn, did I say or do anything to piss you off? Other than caving the side of your head in?"
-John

John: "Sounds like you've got a plan."
D'Argo: "We're going to bring him out here and see if he likes being in the cold."
John: "And what if he likes it?"
D'Argo: "Look, one plan at a time!"

D'Argo: "I had no idea he could do that."
Stark: "I had no idea anyone could do that!"

Chiana: "Bad?"
D'Argo: "Is two of you bad?"
Chiana: "That so depends."

Aeryn: "I think wormholes blind him."
D'Argo: "Well- at least he has a hobby."

"We all live at the precipice. We must all find our own way down."
-Zhaan

"One mippippippi . . . two mippippippi . . . three mippippippi . . ."
-D'Argo

"This is my side, that's your side! This is my side- stay on your side! My side, your side! My side! Your side! My side! Your side!"
-Stark

"You overestimate me, John. I have no desire to dominate the universe. Know this- the wormhole technology in your brain could swing the balance of power. Imagine the ability to move an army in an instant. The power . . . to make hostile planets disappear."
-Scorpius

Crais: "How long has Scorpius held Crichton?"
Aeryn: "Four arns."
Crais: "Then I recommend that you bring down a basket without any holes, so that Crichton's liquid remains are not lost. He's already dead."

John: "Work now; freak later. Work now; freak later."
Stark: "How much later?"

"Splicing, splicing; fixing, fixing."
-Stark

"Cross my heart, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head!"
-John

"The truth? You can't handle the . . . ugh."
-John

"In some parts of the galaxy, this'd be considered good eatin'."
-John

D'Argo: "You're not going anywhere."
Rygel: "What?! What have you done with the pod?'
D'Argo: "Well . . . nothing you can fix."

"Hello Morons."
-John

John: "Who's your Daddy, huh? Who's your Daddy? D'Argo-tell him who his Daddy is."
D'Argo: "I'm your Daddy."

"Talyn, you've seen them both naked. Perhaps you can tell us who's bigger."
-Aeryn (while John and Crais stare each other down)

John: "Good- I must be smarter than I look."
Aeryn: "That would be easy."

John: "Whose stupid idea was this anyway?"
Aeryn: "Yours."

Rygel: "I've never heard any one say that."
Stark: "That's 'cause they're all dead."

"Tell me there's some pumps in the closet."
-John

Stark: "That's it."
Rygel: "No, that's vomit."

"Oh wonderful. They're alive. Now you can torture them with your inane dribble."
-Rygel

"Beautiful, Stark. Now they can die laughing."
-Rygel

"John is only dangerous to himself."
-Aeryn

"I'm with Miss. Monochrome."
-Jool about Chiana

"I know I'm a little obsessive... but I gotta!"
-John

"I'm bleeding and I have no wounds. Now either I'm St. John of the Uncharted Territories or there is something seriously wrong with me."
-John

"Anything strange happen to you guys?"
"I live on this ship. Something strange always happens to me."
-John and D'Argo

"Shoot him. You're the warrior- shoot him now."
"Alright, with what? My nose?"
-Jool and D'Argo

"I'm not that smart."
"I thought of that."
-John and Jool

"Your pilot's integrity . . . well- it is deffinately not intact."
-Scorpius

"Luxan, you cannot ambush me."
"I have my gun pointed at your face. I don't think I'm doing too badly."
-Bad guy and D'Argo

"Alright, we don't understand the R2D2 crap- we're gonna try the Star Trek method."
-John

"Love this body."
"Yeah, yeah. We all love this body."
-Chiana and John

"How do I know I can trust you?"
"You don't. But I'm a guy- I'll probably be back in fifteen minutes."
-Alien in Chiana and John

"How do I know you are not lying? That this is not a part of the Rider's plan?"
"It's not. Believe me. This plan is so bad, it has to be ours."
-Bad guy and D'Argo

"Pip, I need your help. Can you walk?"
"No."
"No? Oh God."
-John and Chiana

"You remember what happened last time in here? I'm not talking about the sex thing- that was great, but I'm not talking about it."
-John

"How did you know that?"
"Know what?"
"No. Don't tell me. I don't really wanna know. I just wanna . . . I'm gonna get some sleep."
-John and D'Argo about Chiana

Stark: "Friend or foe? Friend or foe? Friend or foe? Friend or foe?"
Rygel: "Would you shut up?! Of course it's a foe- we don't have any friends."

"I may be small, but let me remind you- that only serves to put me at castration level."
-Rygel

"Well, they're either after us or they're not. We've left a trail even Stevie Wonder could follow."
-John

"Welcome to the butthole of the universe."
-John

Crais: "You leave me here bleeding and they will find me and then kill me."
John: "And?"

Mother: "When I'm dead you can name your Prowler after me."
Aeryn: "Oh yes. That's very funny."

"Agghh! If this doesn't cover our sent . . . or kill us . . . I don't know what will."
-John

"Poor baby. Poor, poor Johnny."
-Scorpius

"My robes! You sewed my robes to my chest!"
-Rygel