Pause

by Jessie

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A short piece that could really be about any two people in the ER, but the end gives away who I picture them as.

Timeline: Sometime in the near future

Disclaimer: ER's not mine. (Does that cover it?)

Authors Note: I wrote this in one sitting. So, hopefully, it doesn't feel too rushed. Hope you enjoy. I LOVE feedback. It keeps me going.

***

His eyes darted across the room, as though there was something important that he was forgetting. Something that he'd be able to remember if only he saw it.

"Is this how it's going to be? Hmm?" She sounded angry. Great. As if the entire situation wasn't enough to frustrate him, she had to be angry too. And yet . . . he felt himself give in. It wasn't worth getting upset over.

"Hey . . ." he choked on his words, trying to cover, with a weak cough, the emotion that was leaking through his voice. Her eyes widened in surprise, as if not expecting him to have any feeling. " . . . it'll be alright." His words sounded cliched, sounded like less than he had meant for them to be. But she nodded her head as if she understood. Could she? He didn't want to think about that. "It'll be fine. Everything will work out."

"Don't you think your overstepping your bounds just a bit?" She tried to laugh but was only able to smile slightly. He found that it was easy to smile in return.

"No." His hand reached out, shaking on it's way through the air, before landing, softly, on hers. She closed her eyes at his touch, something he couldn't remember her ever doing before. And it seemed out of character for her. Wasn't she supposed to be tough? But then . . . wasn't he? "I'm allowed to say stuff like that."

She smiled again, but this time it was sad. As though her thick exterior had just realized what was happening in that moment and that there was nothing that she could do about it.

"If I were to tell you something . . ." She hesitated, uncertain where she had been storing her courage up until that point; so sure that she had been stocking up for just such an occasion. "I . . ."

He shook his head to interrupt her, seeing, for the first time, the beginnings of tears. But he would not watch her cry. He vowed, silently, that he would not see her cry. She had a right to some things, just as he did.

"Don't say it. I like not knowing. Makes everything okay, ya know?" She nodded, even though she wanted to say it anyway. Wanted to break all the rules and just say it.

"But hey," he coughed and something inside of her broke as she listened to him trying to sound casual. "I'm not going to say anything either. I won't do that. I won't make some last minute list of all the things I forgot to do. It's not fair to everyone else." There was a soft, saddening pause.

"I'm not going to say anything," he repeated. "When it's too late, you have to accept that. Have to keep certain things to yourself or else . . ." his voice was becoming weaker. He hadn't meant to give a speech, he just wanted to make things right. Explain himself to her. The least he could do was explain himself. That, and not say what he wanted to tell her. Despite the desire, he wouldn't let her know. Things like that would only haunt a person.

"I know." There was something about the way she said it that made him stare at her more intensely. Shit. She knew anyway. Knew without him having to tell her.

"You weren't supposed to know."

"But you do too. Don't you?" They stared at each other for a moment before he nodded his head.

"Yeah." He coughed again and her eyes glanced up at one of the monitors, widening slightly. He felt a fear race through him, but then vanish, as though it had never existed. It'd be okay. As long they both knew the other's secret, well . . . who was to say it wouldn't all work out? Right?

"I'm sorry." He wasn't sure what to say to this, so, instead, he just stared at her, memorized her features incase they were to disappear on him.

"No." He finally spoke up, realizing what he wanted to say, at last, as though remembering what it was that he had forgotten. "*I'm* sorry."

Another pause ensued, this one filled with the words he had just spoken as they flooded the air with their thick meaning. He was so sincere. She didn't know whether to believe it. He had never said such a thing to her; had never meant it so thoroughly.

She wasn't sure whether to smile or cry.

Instead she leaned forward- a small gesture on his lips. Whether anyone was watching she hadn't considered and didn't care. It was the kiss that mattered. The one that she had never known herself to be capable of. So slight, and soft, and full of apologies.

He smiled when she, slowly, pulled away, staring at her for a long, quiet moment. "Thank you."

He paused. "I'm sorry," he said again.

A high pitched whine could be heard in the background as he closed his eyes, and she- hers.

Shaking her head, she found herself still angry with him, though she couldn't say why. "Dave?" She whispered the name more than said it, knowing that there was no one left in the room to hear it, but herself.

Jing-Mei sat in silence for what seemed like centuries.

The End.

Back to ER Fanfic