Doubletake: To Query or Not to Query
By Theodore Fischer
February,
2000
Nobody
mistakes me for John Wayne. I'm short, puny, a downright Chatty Chester on
occasion and, politically, a couple of spasms left of knee-jerk liberal--except
when it comes to asking for advice on health problems (or anything else, for
that matter). Then, all of a sudden, I'm the strong, silent type. My policy:
Don't ask, don't listen.
It must be one of these men-are-Martians things, probably genetic and most obvious in my willingness to embody the cliché that men don't ask for directions. Asking for directions violates the unwritten Code of Manly Conduct, under which it is forbidden to (a) admit ignorance, (b) acknowledge wisdom in others and (c) embarrass yourself by performing (a) or (b) in the presence of your family. (Do men ask for directions when they're alone? Sorry, I'm not supposed to tell.)
When I must solicit advice, I shun experts in the field in favor of experts in me. My wife functions as an HMO-style gatekeeper who regulates access to specialists ranging from physicians to lawyers to auto mechanics. She doesn't know the answers, but she knows whether I'll be able to handle them.
Indeed, there's a case to be made for suffering in silence. Many problems (notably the knocks and pings of rundown cars and bodies) vanish without treatment. Also, men know that when you ask advice, somewhere between nine times out of 10 and once in a blue moon, the advice is dead wrong. Or it's too vague to do any good: Get some exercise. Watch your diet. Don't worry. Be happy.
The best "professional" advice I've ever received came from a physician who, in regard to my high cholesterol, said, "Never eat eggs and you should be all right." That's advice a man can get his teeth into: clear, simple, absolute. The fact that my cholesterol count continued to rise after the egg embargo has in no way diminished my admiration for the advice.
It's a guy thing. Duke got it, but you wouldn't want to understand.
Theodore Fischer is the Places to Go producer for MSN Washington Sidewalk. He has been married for 10 years and has a 5-year-old daughter.