Chapter Six - Coming Clean

Xander was hurt and angry. Mostly hurt, now. And embarrassed. They knew. All of them knew that he was…had been…with Spike. Surely they had dusted him by now? Or maybe they’d joined him in laughing at Xander? //Ask yourself why you’re always the one who’s used. Faith used you. Anya even used you. The reason is because you’re worthless. They use you because they can. Because it doesn’t matter.//

Xander kicked a rock, and continued to walk. He’d slowed down after getting far enough from the shop. Now he just needed to feel the night air, to wallow in his own self-pity. Give him a few days, and he’d be okay about the Spike thing. He could handle it. //Liar. It’s different this time. You’re really in love with him. You never had that with Faith or with Anya.// Xander clamped a lid on the voice in his head. //Anya didn’t use me. She just didn’t care enough to stay,// he told it. The inner voice said nothing. //I really do love him. I don’t want to. But that’s why this hurts. Because I fell in love with him.//

“You’ve got a great ass,” said a familiar British voice from behind him. Xander stopped in his tracks. He just couldn’t deal with this humiliation right now.

“Don’t, Spike. Just, go laugh at me behind my back. I really don’t want to deal with this right now.” Spike said nothing, but fell into step beside him. Xander refused to look at him. Refused to speak to him. He wasn’t even going to acknowledge him.

“I’m sorry,” Spike said, his voice low.

“You’re sorry? Oh, that’s rich. ‘Sorry Xander. Didn’t mean to use you completely then take off. It was just for kicks, you know?’” Xander said sarcastically, mimicking Spike’s English accent eerily well. He sighed, and it came out waveringly, and Xander hoped that at that moment the Hellmouth would take pity on him and open below his feet, swallowing him whole. No such luck. “Haven’t you had enough fun at my expense?”

“I didn’t do ANYTHING at your expense, Harris,” Spike said indignantly.

“Oh, no, you only just made me…just go.” Xander still hadn’t looked over at the bleached vampire. Spike put a hand on Xander’s arm, trying to stop him, get him to face him, anything but the cold shoulder he was getting. Xander shrunk back from the touch, and Spike pulled his arm back as though he’d been burned.

“I want to tell you something. I’m going to tell you, whether you wait for me or not. It’d be easier if you listened,” Spike said after a moment. //How do I tell him I love him?//

“Whatever.”

Spike took a deep breath, knowing he just had to do it. “Listen closely, and don’t interrupt me, because I’m only going to say this as many times as it takes to get through your head. When you woke up this morning, you panicked. Because it was me in your bed. You got up, you wouldn’t look at me, and you kicked me out. Don’t say anything,” he said, knowing Xander was about to. “I thought you were angry at me for…for acting on what I wanted. For wanting to make it more than just one night. It hurt, and I got angry. I thought you just wanted to…to get your end off, I guess, and then you were done with me. And that isn’t what I wanted.”

Xander didn’t say anything. He looked positively shell-shocked. Spike plugged on.

“What I wanted, was for you to wake up and be happy about what had happened. Because when I woke up, I was ecstatic. I…somewhere along the line I fell in love with you, dammit. And when I thought you just used me, I…I got so angry. I couldn’t take it. I didn’t want to be used again. For once I wanted to be loved back.”

Xander stopped walking. //Love…he loves me. He said he loves me.// Xander turned to face Spike, looking deeply into those blue eyes, deeper than any sea.

“Are you playing with me? Or are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious about anything, Xander. When was the last time you saw me acting like such a wanker for a joke?”

“I thought…this morning, I thought you used me. I…I didn’t realize it till later, but I love you, too. And you said…you said you hadn’t wanted it to happen, and I thought you meant the…the sex. And I freaked. I…” Suddenly Spike’s lips were on his, and they were kissing as though they’d been starving for each other. Lips and tongues dueled for dominance, neither conceding, neither wanting to. Finally, Xander pulled back for air. Spike placated himself by kissing at Xander’s chin, jaw, and throat.

“Wait. Why did you…now? Why did you come and tell me this stuff? If you couldn’t tell me this morning?” Xander asked after a moment.

Spike chuckled. “Funny…story, actually…” he said between kisses. “Matter of fact, seems we’re the last ones to figure this out.” Xander looked at him quizzically. Spike took a step back and took hold of Xander’s hand, lacing his cool fingers through the warmer ones. Then he started walking, Xander in step beside him. “Dawn and Tara. They had a little wager.”

“They were betting? On what?”

“On which of us would admit he was in love first. Dawn bet on me. She won.”

“Should we tell her, or let them call it a draw?”

“Oh, they know. I told them back at the shop.”

“Oh. You mean… Oh, man. Buffy’s gonna kick your ass.”

“No. Slayer’s dealing with it. If it weren’t for me admitting it, I never would have known about the bet, and I never would have chased you.”

“Well, then. Remind me to send them a card.” Spike leaned in and kissed any more words away. After a few minutes, he pulled back.

“And one more thing, luv,” Spike said, grinning at Xander.

“What’s that, Spike?” He knew he was setting himself up, but he didn’t care. Spike loved him!

“We didn’t have sex last night. That was foreplay. NOW we’re gonna have sex.”

*~*~*

Xander felt stupid. Really, really stupid. Spike was in his kitchen, cooking some meal, while he lounged on his couch, waiting. He recalled the conversation they’d had earlier.

“We’re gonna do this right, Xan,” he’d said, pulling away from the human when their kisses got to be really passionate.

“Not if you don’t quit talking,” he’d growled. He really enjoyed kissing Spike, lack of heartbeat be damned. He didn’t want to be interrupted.

“Oh, we’re gonna do that all right,” Spike had smirked. “But not yet. I’m already a wanker. Might as well graduate to poofdom, eh?”

“What are you talking about? Why are you talking? You should have your tongue in my mouth,” Xander had told him, stepping forward again. Spike couldn’t resist, and they’d kissed for long minutes again.

“No, seriously, luv. I’m going to cook you dinner, we’re going to have an actual date.”

“You’re joking,” Xander’d said. He stared at the self-satisfied smirk on the vampire’s face. “You’re not joking. You’re serious about this.”

“Bloody right I am. I told you. I’m going to make you dinner. THEN we’re gonna shag. Not before dinner.”

So now Xander was watching TV, while Spike cooked. Xander was afraid to look in the kitchen. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he smelled smoke. He hoped he really didn’t smell smoke. And he hoped Spike would finish soon. He was hungry. And he wanted dessert.

“All right, pet,” Spike called from the kitchen. Xander leapt up and bounded into the kitchen. He stopped dead in his tracks. Then he started to laugh.

On the table, which was set elegantly with Xander’s best plates, and a candle centerpiece, was a pot of Kraft Dinner. The kitchen, though, was a mess. There were pots and pans strewn over the counters. A few spills must have occurred, because there were macaroni noodles strewn about, and a few puddles of milk.

“What do you expect? I don’t exactly need to cook, you know,” Spike grumbled. Xander stepped up to the vampire, and wrapped his arms around him. He placed a gentle kiss on Spike’s lips, who happily accepted.

“I appreciate it. I really do. But…you took thirty minutes. There are pots and pans dirty all over the place. You’re SERVING it in the pot you cooked it in. The direction sare on the box.” Xander started laughing again.

“Right. Well, I started out trying to make spaghetti. But it didn’t really work out. So I did this instead. Don’t you love me, Xander?” he pouted. Xander just laughed harder.

Spike sniffed melodramatically. “You don’t care about me. I try to cook for you and you laugh. Maybe I should just leave. Go out into the sunlight. Or I could go tell Buffy all the sexy things I’m going to do to you when you finish your macaroni. I’m sure she’ll stake me good and proper.” Spike’s eyes gleamed maliciously. “I could tell her all about the different places I’m going to lick you. About how I’m going to taste every inch of your hot skin, and I’m going to keep you writhing under me as I slowly, slowly press my rock hard cock deep into you, the friction burning but in a good way. I could tell her how I’m going to fuck you into the mattress until you’re begging for me to just touch you right…there…so you can come harder than you have in your entire…” Both men stood, panting at the mental image Spike had painted. Spike shook it off first. “Right. Eat good and quick, luv.”

Xander sat down and wolfed down his meal. He quickly stood up and moved to kiss the pacing vampire.

“Oh no you don’t, Xander. I’m not kissing your macaroni and cheese mouth. Go brush your teeth.” Xander laughed, kissed Spike on the cheek, and left to do just that. Spike raced to the front closet to retrieve his duster, and pulled out the small tube of lubricant he’d bought at a 7-11 before he’d caught up with Xander after they’d left the Magic Box. //Aren’t you a boyscout,// taunted the voice in Spike’s head. //Yeah, well, I’m about to get shagged silly, so I don’t really care,// Spike told it with a silly grin. He practically skipped to the bedroom, and stepped through the door before stopping dead in his tracks and dropping the little white tube. Xander was stretched out on the bed, completely naked, already hard, and holding up a bottle of Hershey’s chocolate syrup.

“Giddyup,” Spike said quietly after a moment.

Back
Next Chapter