Spike walked quickly to the bed, stripping his T-shirt off as he went. He leaned down over Xander and began kissing him fully and passionately. His tongue was reading Braille on the back of Xander’s tonsils, and his hands were wrapped around Xander’s biceps like steel vises. The kiss was perfect. And incredibly scary. Xander started to panic. //I’m about to have sex with a vampire.// //It didn’t bother you last night,// his inner voice reminded him. //That was different. Last night I was drunk. And I wasn’t in love. And I was nervous last night. But Spike said, tonight, we’re gonna…we’re gonna…// //If you’re gonna do it, you should be able to say it,// interrupted the voice. //He said we’re gonna have actual sex. With…penetration.//
Spike could sense something was wrong. Xander was kissing him wholly, but he was being almost robotic about it. Like he was thinking too much. Spike broke apart, and Xander whimpered unconsciously.
“What’s wrong, luv,” Spike said, looking deeply into the human’s dark eyes.
“Nothing,” Xander said, a little too quickly. His heart was beating a mile a minute; Spike could feel his pulse racing under his hands. He pulled back some more, and rested himself on one elbow beside Xander. He traced his free hand over Xander’s chest, eliciting a few shivers from the younger man.
“Something’s wrong, Xander. Might as well get it out into the open. Not gonna touch you again till you do.” Spike hoped desperately Xander wouldn’t test him on that.
“I just…you know I haven’t done this before…”
“You’re scared.”
“Nervous. Not scared,” Xander argued, his face turning red.
“Hey,” Spike told him, lifting his chin so their eyes met. “It’s okay to be nervous, Xan. This is something new to you.” Spike wrapped the trembling young man in his arms, resting his chin on Xander’s head. Xander reciprocated the embrace, still nervous.
“How about this, luv?” Spike began. “How about we just sit like this for a few minutes. All night, if you want.”
“But Spike, you’re…” Xander gestured to Spike’s bulging groin.
“So’re you,” the vampire pointed out.
“I don’t want you to be in pain for me,” Xander said, starting to pull away. Spike kept his grip, not letting the boy leave the protective circle of his arms.
“My problem, mate. We’re not gonna do anything unless you give the sayso.”
After a moment, Xander brought his lips up to gently brush Spike’s. “I like kissing you,” Xander told him.
Spike chuckled low in his throat. “I like kissing you, too, Xander,” he admitted. Xander’s mouth returned to Spike’s, and they kissed a little more wholeheartedly. The kisses were gentle and loving, but still full of the passion both men felt consuming them.
Spike’s tongue gently probed at Xander’s warm lips. He didn’t want to push Xander, but he needed to taste his mouth again. Nothing was sweeter than the taste of Xander.
Xander allowed Spike entry to his mouth, his own dancing merrily with it. Spike let out a little moan before pressing his body closer to Xander’s, trying to get their skin as close as possible. But he wouldn’t push too much at a time. Just enough to let Xander know he wanted him.
Xander’s skin was on fire. He’d thought that last night’s sensations had been intense, but the alcohol must have dimmed them, because right now he was feeling so much more. Just kissing Spike like this was burning him up from the inside. When Spike pressed against him, he thought he’d disappear from the feeling. He whimpered slightly, running his hand across Spike’s chest.
“Xan,” Spike panted, breaking away from his lover’s mouth. “Xander. You’re so beautiful, luv.” He trailed kisses along the column of Xander’s pulsing throat. Xander breathed in sharply. “What? What did I do? Are you okay?” Spike asked hurriedly, looking deeply into Xander’s shining eyes.
“What? N-nothing. It’s just…no one’s ever said that to me before.”
“Are you kidding? No one’s ever told you how magnificent you are?”
“N…not in so many words. Or any words. Or actions. Or anything.”
Spike studied Xander’s eyes for a moment. “You don’t know it.” His voice was filled with wonder and doubt.
“Know what?”
“How gorgeous you are.”
“I’m not…” Spike cut him off with a sharp kiss.
“You are. You’re covered in strong, lean muscle. Your body is so defined…it ripples when you move. You’ve got these beautiful, strong, calloused hands,” Spike told him, lacing his fingers through Xander’s. “When I see you working with your hands, I’m ready to come in my bloody jeans.” Xander blushed. “Your chest,” Spike said, kissing across the object in question lightly, “is perfect, so strong, broad, powerfully built. Your throat is a vampire’s wet dream. Long, thick, it makes my mouth water. Your mouth, Xander. Your mouth is so soft, but strong. You know just how to use it. Totally kissable. And your eyes.” Spike looked into those chocolate pools. “I could get lost in your eyes, and never find my way out, and I wouldn’t mind. Everything you’re thinking is expressed in your eyes, luv. When you’re angry, they get so clear. When you’re horny, they turn black.” Xander was mesmerized by Spike’s husky tone, by the words he spun around the human.
Spike sighed. “I love you, Xander. I’m so in love with you it makes me feel like the biggest poof in the world because you make me want to sing, to dance, to make you fucking Kraft Dinner. You make me want to call up Angel and tell him it’s all right if he wants to brood over leaving Buffy because he’s twice the man I am since he could actually summon up the bollocks to leave her if he loved her half as much as I love you. You make me want to be William the Bloody Awful Poet again. In over a hundred years, I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want to be with you.”
Xander didn’t say anything. Frankly, Spike had expected something from the boy. Anything, really. //Even a “shut up you wanker” would have been better than this silence. What’s he thinking?//
Xander made a decision then. He wasn’t going to be afraid. No one in his life had ever had as much love shining in their eyes – for him – than Spike did right now. He looked deeply into the icy blue eyes, looking for any sign of laughter, deception, anything he didn’t want to see. All he saw was love. A little embarrassment. But mostly love.
Xander leaned forward and kissed Spike. He kissed with everything he had, pouring all his love, his passion, his absolute adoration and loyalty to this man who he loved. Everything he felt was poured into the kiss; everything he wanted, needed, wanted to thank Spike for.
When they finally broke apart, Spike looked at him with dazed eyes. The two men stared dizzily at each other for long moments before Xander reached back behind him and retrieved the bottle of chocolate syrup.
“I think you said it best before,” Xander said shyly. “Giddyup.”
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