Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 6:43pm 5Oct06
The horrifying current news in Ontario is about 31year old Frances Elaine Campione being charged with the murder of her two young daughters (1 & 3 years old). I keep thinking that three years ago she and her husband were probably happy with the birth of their first daughter. They had so much to look forward to and life was so vibrant because of the wonder of a baby. How does she go from that to a shelter and then to housing and then to killing her kids?
It's depressing to think that your life could be moving along and then turn that tragic. It impresses upon me that we have no clue where we are going no matter how much we'd like to control circumstances. As many tactics as I may use to get you to stay won't do anything if you don't want to stay. And how shitty if I feel that I may have to use some trumped up tactics just to get anyone to stay.
I don't know, most of us are a paycheque away from homelessness, an incident away from depression. We're all so wound tight who knows what kind of tragedies any one of us could commit in three years time. It's sad and tragic and I ask the question that I've asked frequently since Scott Peterson and going through all the horrific murders of people by people they loved, Why can't people just end relationships with out using murder as an option? It's not working, I've got to quit you. I'm depressed all the time I think it's this relationship, I've got to leave to be well. I've found someone else, I can't lie to you, I've gots to go.
I know women who have had breakups and have not let the father see his own children. I know men that have left their ex wives living in fear or in financial desperation. And all these relationships apparently came from a place of love.
Our beginnings are often just as bad. A man acts like he likes you then annihilates you at every possible turn. A woman chooses a man and then calculates all the little things she's going to change about him from clothes, to behaviour and then wonders why their relationship is in the shitter more often than not. He forgets to tell you he's married. She gives out a fake number. He's the worst kind of nasty dutty slut with several women on the go, doesn't practice safe sex and makes you wrong for not wanting to go out with him. We beat each other up in the beginnings so much that it's any wonder that we ever get together to begin with. We play games and tell lies and manipulate and then try to kill each other or our children in some misguided emotional power play.
I remember when I told my sister in law that I was in love, she asked me, "Are you going to get pregnant?"
"What?"
She explained some strangeness (to me) about love and pregnancy and keeping a man. I was stunned. I talked about the natural progression of a relationship (you like each other, you fall in love, you move in together or marry, you have babies). She said, you have to help the relationship and commitment level along. I could never imagine dropping a kid for some man that didn't want to commit to me. I could never imagine forcing a man to commit to me. (That's why the only babies in my house are cats).
Is this where all this craziness stems from? Is that why so few people know how to break up anymore with out it turning to some form of violence, name calling, punishing lawsuits, and whatever else people think up to do to each other in the heat of anger? Even in our beginnings we bullshit each other in the name of love. It's any wonder I'm single.
If we can't get along can't we just agree to disagree? If you're not interested in me, can't you find a way to tell me that instead of giving me false hope? If our marriage is over, can't you just tell me that without holding a knife to my throat? Can't you put your dick in a fucking condom so that you have control over when and with whom you make babies (instead of leaving the pill taking up to her)?
Can't you stop with holding your children from him (punishing him isn't going to make him go back to loving you)?
If we're bombarded by constant advertisements and information overload and financial worries and keeping up with the Joneses and answering to our bosses every whim and too many people on the roads and taking transit and not getting enough sleep and breast cancer and prostrate cancer and the multitude of shit thrown at us telling us we're not good enough or rich enough or pretty enough or thin enough, can't we at least learn how to meet each other, have a relationship, and if it doesn't work leave with as much dignity as possible? Can we learn how to take care of our responsibilities? Making a child is easy, any one can make a child. It's less about how well and how long you fuck and more about fertility and the sperm race.
Can't we figure one fucking aspect of life out?
I don't have any answers. The whole thing just makes me wonder.
EY
