Topic: WC - Daily Practice
4:07am Tuesday 10Oct06
I've been keeping one major thing quiet recently that I'm currently struggling with being depressed. I feel like I'm inches away from drowning and inches away from survival. It could go either way. I know I have to fight it but I also feel like I have minimal fight.
It's about my health primarily. I know intellectually that I have a long road ahead and as long as I stay consistent that I can and will reach a point of great strides in my personal health. But emotionally... I feel like my body is breaking down on me and that I'm far too young for this decrepitness (decreptitude?) that I'm feeling. I feel lonely yet don't want to be around people. I feel like I could just sleep until the New Year maybe even next spring.
I feel like I know my direction and yet don't know what direction to take.
I know there are people far younger than I with far worse health concerns and I'm by no way minimizing what anyone else could be going through but today I admit that getting up is misery, staying positive is a constant battle, optimism is almost non existent.
What next, I wonder, what do I do next?
EY
