The Last Day
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 5:44pm 13Aug06

Okay this is the last day that I'm going to be cranky about my arthritic toes. Yep, I said it. I've been cussing my doctor in my mind today because I'd gone to him repeatedly complaining about my sore feet and he shrugged it off. Yes that pisses me off. I was ready to write a health care manifesto. But I'm getting over it. Time to focus on finding what needs to move me forward with as little pain as possible.

Yeah, that's it.

Can feel fall creeping in a little too quickly for my liking but it's inevitable. The mornings have been cooler and the heat of the sun seems to be sleeping in until noon or later. The evenings are getting dark sooner. I feel like I haven't worn enough sun dresses, my skin could use a bit more sun and with the upcoming fasting I'll need to do, I need the summer to start over again. ha! I'll need to add soups for warmth.

Oh well, I'm off to work on my novel and possibly a fantasy piece about hurting a doctor... Oh yeah, I'm not bitter anymore, forgot all ready!

EY

Health Care
Mood:  down
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 8:06pm 12Aug06

Society is more accepting of alternative medicine but it still has a long way to go. What would a character have to go through in order to consider alternative medicine? What type of character believes in exploring alternative medical options versus a character that does everything his or her doctor prescribes?

When I had my major skin problems years ago, I went to a naturopath and took Chinese herbs and pills and creams to deal with it. As a daycare teacher I saw a parent with one of her kids that had similar skin problems and I mentioned what I'd used. The mother said that although she would try this for herself she would never take that chance with her daughter. She only believed so far but couldn't fool around with her child's health. If I had a child, would my views change? I honestly don't know. Mind you, with my own health, I went Western first and then delved into Eastern because the Western method of treating my condition with steroid creams scared me.

I've been prescribed Celebrex for my arthritis and was told that one of the side effects is stomach problems and/or bleeding in the stomach. So my feet may feel better but I'll be bleeding internally? Holy Cow! Celebrex is from the same makers of Vioxx which was taken off the market. That doesn't exactly bode well for Celebrex, in my opinion.

What type of side effects is your character suffering from? How could side effects affect a character's story?

EY

Best Foot Forward
Mood:  down
Topic: Living on Purpose
Saturday 7:14pm 12Aug06

How can I put my best foot forward when my feet are in pain?

I got the results of my foot xrays yesterday and I have arthritis in my big toes. That result affected me deeply. I walk everywhere and the thought that my feet will get progressively worse is upsetting. I did no writing last night and instead hit the books. I looked through my herbal notes and homeopathic notes for any signs of an Holistic approach. My doctor prescribed me Celebrex for the pain and when I asked him if acupuncture would help, he gave a resounding No!

I was not impressed. I think I need a doctor that practices both Eastern and Western medicine. My doctor knows that I hate taking drugs. He was the one that insisted that I should take Paxil for my depression. I never took it.

In my notes, there wasn't anything for arthritis specifically but info for Osteo-Arthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis.

It is interesting how many things are related to diet. I'm going to have to get strict about my diet and treat my body more like a 42 year old and less like a 22 year old. I've known that for awhile but sometimes it's hard to change some of those bad habits.

I've reached the precipice in my life. I've approached that time where I have to put my money where my mouth is or better yet walk the talk. When you choose a religion you know that you will have to forsake the bad behaviours that don't fall in line with being a good Christian, or a good Muslim, or a good Buddhist. I've known for awhile that I would have to reach a point in my journey where I would have to commit whole heartedly to my beliefs in living an inspired life. I love walking the line. I like drinking alcohol and the feel of swear words in my mouth. I like eating healthy and indulging in junk food when it's available. I love being disciplined and goofing off for hours at a time. But my body isn't as happy with what I do to myself as the instant gratification of indulgence. My mind isn't as happy with the amount of time that I goof off when I don't know how much time I really have. None of us know. My spirit isn't as balanced after the use of alcoholic stimulants when I know that disciplined meditation and prayer will bring me to the heights I can only dream of.

In one of Wayne Dyer's talks, he discusses how a mentor told him, "If you want to reach the heights that this practice will take you you're going to have to give up alcohol." Or something like that.

If I want to reach the heights that my journey can and will take me, I'm going to have to get my stuff together.

I went to the Taste of the Danforth today and chomped on all the goodies with a last hoorah fervor. I walked past Ottway and was handed a plastic bag that read, Arthritis and Joint Pain? Get the most advanced, affordable and effective liquid formula on the market! The stuff is called Nutri-Flex and it has Glucosamine Sulfate (for lubrication), Hydrolyzed Gelatin (reparative), MSM (pain relief), Devil's Claw (anti-inflammatory), Turmeric (anti-inflammatory) and Bromelain (anti-inflammatory). I bought it. In my notes Devil's Claw was mentioned and I was originally going to buy that at my herb guy but since the Nutri-flex was staring me in the face, like a sign, I decided that I'd try that for now.

I also came across a laser place that treats arthritis and offers both acupuncture/Traditional Chinese medicine, Homeopathy and nutritional counseling. It's out of my way but definitely an option.

I'll be trying some weird things in the coming months: Liver cleanse, detox diet, dietary changes, and strict restrictions.
Our feet are our direction, they take us where we want to go. Because I always question any type of illness, What do I not like about my direction? What do I need to change about my direction?
Arthritis, in my notes, is about self-devaluation. I've been writing a lot about my value lately. The value of an empathetic person, the value of a happy hard worker, my value to my friends etc etc.
What do I need to do to show my value to myself?

How do I put my best foot forward while I work through this pain?

EY

Short and Sweet
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 5:49pm 10Aug06

I want to work on White Wishes for the rest of the evening so this one will be short and sweet, I think.

My first day back at work and I had to contend with a couple people who screwed me up while I was off. I had to wait to find the words to tell them both with tact not to step on these toes. First thoughts can be great for writing but they're not always so great for talking. My initial reaction is filled with more swear words than not.

I ended up writing both of them emails because I knew that I could deal with the problem and not totally annihilate them with my anger and possibly threats. ha ha! The gift of writing does come in handy.
Of course the second person hadn't read my email before he'd come to my office but that was okay too, I'd long since calmed down and didn't yell and I genuinely like him although I wasn't too sure I liked him this morning. Had he been there this morning I would have torn a strip and then some.

People take me the wrong way. I don't seem serious at work frankly, because I figure if you have to work for a living you might as well make it enjoyable. I do love my job. Most times, it seems as though I'm not doing anything because I have music going and I'm laughing more times than not. But that doesn't mean I'm not doing my work. I get so much more work done when my environment is enjoyable than when it isn't. Plus a huge part of my job is customer service. You can't give great customer service and feel miserable. They don't correlate or is it correspond or compute?

Most people don't know that for me my work is foremost about survival. I cannot pay my rent without a job. I cannot come home and work on my writing if I'm stressed out about how I'm going to pay the next bill that shows up in my mailbox with clock like regularity. Shit, just because you lose a job doesn't mean the bills will stop until you get a new job.

I take my work seriously and I pride myself on doing a superior job. I actually said one day to a girl that I was training on our tenant request system when she asked, what if I make a mistake, "Don't!"

Check your work before it's done, they're paying you.

I don't care about what shoddy work others do unless it impacts my work. I don't want my work to touch it, I don't want my work attached to it, I don't want any part of it. And I will turn into a nasty beast if confronted with it. Some times some people are so busy looking at how you do your job and worse yet telling you how to do your job that they screw up their own. I do not tolerate it.

Maybe people need to know what it's like to have to scrape pennies together before they can appreciate their jobs enough to do their jobs.

As I say repeatedly, I don't have the answers. I try not to ask why people do things the way they do because I've realized that I'll never have a valid answer. I've realized that asking myself how can I deal with those kind of people is a better question because it keeps my control in my pockets. And every now and again the answer is to be a nasty beast, let people know they've crossed a line that I will not allow them to cross twice. Just so we're clear on what's going on.

Okay, longer than short and maybe not so sweet but I'm gone to work on that there novel that I mention intermittently. The good thing about people pissing a writer off is that it's motivates us to write. There is always a good side to the presumed bad...

EY

Progress Log
Topic: WC - Progress Log
Wednesday 11:35am 9Aug06

I've been writing every day. With this blog, I'm managing to find a topic to discuss each day and mostly trying to find ways to link it to writing since that is the theme of this blog. With my other blog, I am still managing to throw an entry in here and there. It's with less regularity, mind you, but I hadn't planned on making it an everyday thing. As of late, the entries have been every couple days or so which is an improvement on once a week.

This weekend, I didn't get as much work done on White Wishes as I'd planned but I'm not beating myself up about it. I'm looking for ways to have that motivate me rather than beating myself down into a writing coma. I did walk with a book for research for White Wishes and have been reading that. So I'm never too far away from it.

Writing the blogs have kept me in the frame of mind to write. I look for opportunities to sneak in a post through out my days. I look at situations and current incidences throughout my days as possible blog fodder. My thought processes are geared foremost into writing material except for that odd fantasy of some hot man that crosses my path... ha ha.
It's a good plan for my overall writing.

Robert J. Sawyer writes two hours a day everyday. He says that if he's done those two hours by 11am then he has the whole day to play with. If he hasn't written by 10pm then he has to sit there until midnight to get those two hours done. It doesn't work for every writer of course, but it's nice to know what others do, how they get through it. What I seem to come across a lot is that most writers don't tend to write much more than two hours a day. Some, like Ray Bradbury, write a certain number of words, some count pages.

On a work day, I like to get up at 4am and write before I leave for work. I like the quiet darkness of the early morning. I like my morning mind that is more conducive to stream of consciousness, less apt to bombard me with my inner critic and I especially like the feeling that I've accomplished something before I start my day. There is nothing better than feeling like I've done all that I set out to do before I walk through the doors of my work office. I can give all my focus at work and not feel that underlying annoyance that I'm not accomplishing all that I want to in my private life. As of tomorrow morning, I'll be back to that schedule.

EY