Peeing like a race horse
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Wednesday 11:32pm 18Apr07

I guess going to bed at 6:30pm on Monday should have been a sign that I was coming down with something. I always just assume that I'm a lazy ass. But not this time. At dinner last night, in the midst of a conversation with my friend, I got all congested and had the subtle sore throat. This morning my throat was pretty much closed. I still thought I could get my shit to gether and go to work. Then I called in for a half day thinking if I just slept in this morning, I'd be okay.

At 10am I finally admitted that I couldn't do it. Lots of sleep and weird dreams and that lovely fever and drinking anything wet and peeing like a race horse. That's what I've been doing. Smiling at my three catty companions as they attempted to walk across my breasts and smacked me in the face with their tails. I think that they think I was faking. That's until I finally started to disturb them with the constant sneezing succession. Got to love that part when only one nostril is running. What is up with that?

This is the most coherent I've been all day. Going to suck on more chewable Vitamin C's and drink more tea and water and juice and ginger ale and crank up my electric blanket to high and pee a few more hundred times. Cuz that's just how it is.

EY

Angel at my feet
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 3:05am 17Apr07
I conked out at 6:30pm last night and slept right through to 2:30am. I honestly thought I'd sleep for a couple hours and then get up and write. Fooled me. The only reason why I woke up was because my downstairs neighbours were banging a hammer or something. I figure their downstairs neighbours were making noise and they were banging their disapproval. Considered going down stairs to bang on their heads but thought better of it. Who needs a fight at 2 o'clock in the morning.

It's peaceful now. Just a nice hum. The cats all sleep on their separate perches. The tap is dripping. That's the extent of the noises at this time. I get the odd whiff of Orange scented pine sol of which I mopped the floors with on Sunday.

Lolo made it safely to Korea and is stoked about her new apartment. Front loading washing machine... I'm jealous.

Was in a mood for most of Monday. Announced to a contractor, "I'm not feeling very patient today, so you need to get to the point." Ado laughed and said he felt sorry for whoever made the mistake of crossing my path.

I don't know what it was that made me so moody. My thoughts got dark. I could understand why some people end their lives in suicide. The feeling that the problems never end and thinking, why bother? I used that energy for Rachel and wrote a small segment of White Wishes with Rachel feeling that sense of defeat with her alcoholic husband and her children that she had to care for no matter how tired she feels or defeated. It helped. There are days when you want to get back to the Source, when you know it's up to you to feel connected but you just can't.

I went up to the management office to drop off some stuff. As I came off the freight elevator I saw a glinty token on the floor. I kicked it and figured it was an insignia off a portfolio or something and kept going. When I came back it was still on the floor and I decided to pick it up. On it reads, "Always with you." On the other side is an Angel.

Ohh! Talk about an immediate mood change. Source connected with me by dropping an angel at my feet. I forget that my life is magical. I forget that I have so many good things to focus on. I have many things to be grateful for: a job and coworkers I genuinely like, a place of my own that truly is my sanctuary, my three cats that make me giggle (Picasso was grooming me last night, rubbing her head against my scalp and then cleaning me), interests and hobbies, life long friends, good health, ideas, more than enough resources (books, music etc).

My buddy who got me into my bar mess called me yesterday morning at 8:30am asking, "You want to meet up on Wednesday?" So I have another outing this week. I figure he's got news. I also figure I have to prepare myself for the combined teasing that he and Fredo will give me since they like to tag team against me. Bastards!

Today is the new moon. A perfect time to start a new project or a new job and get a new attitude.

Picasso is crying her squeaky cry at the door begging to go explore the hallway. Might as well let her out.

EY

Creating Lists
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 16Apr07 6:12am

It's supposed to be cold this week, all week. Yippee! Miss Lolo is probably still on the plane to Korea. I think that her whole travel time is 24 hours. Rough shit. Frog legs starts her first day of cop boot camp.

The break from writing was good. I sat down and wrote some lists. I'm one of those crazy people that needs to have a list of options of things to do otherwise I can't think of anything off the top. I started the list of things that I want to do on a regular basis and bigger things like classes I want to take and my other talents that I could develop for my own enjoyment.

Yesterday I brought a friend and her son to the farm to see my donkey and all the other animals. The goats and sheep have tiny babies which are way too cute for words. It's so nice to see life through a child's eyes with a child's enthusiasm. It's something I'd like to do more often.

I promised myself last night that I would work out first thing in the morning. Doing the quiet stuff like Pilates and using the elastic band. I've got to keep to the quieter stuff so I'm not disturbing my downstairs neighbours stomping over their heads. I get further in my day with a solid work out first thing and my appetite comes on right away so I'm eating breakfast at home. It's a small change but it's bringing me in the right direction... forward.

It's time to keep track of the free events in the city and check them out. There are still so many free things and I let them pass out of laziness or complacency or something (apathy?)
I'm looking at things and relationships that aren't fulfilling me and am moving on. It's that subtle constant disappointment that bears down on you after awhile and you start asking, why? Why never gives good answers. Why answers usually bring you to "I'm not good enough" conclusions and who wants to go there. I want to focus on what now? This isn't working, what now? What now moves you forward instead of staying stagnant in the disappointments.

It's about time to warm up my soup and make my smoothies and get ready for work.

EY

Writer on Hiatus
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Friday 13Apr07 5:17pm

I'm spent. I've done about 2 hours of writing so far this week and I actually decided I might just need to take a break. Give my mind a vacation or more like it, refocus my thoughts. What do I want? How can I adjust my efforts? How do I find balance? What do I need to do for myself? What do I do next?
It's kind of like sweating out a cold. I've got to stop and spend the time to focus on what ails me in order to cure it or me or whatever...

So that's why I've been quiet. I've started the major spring cleaning in my apartment and am slowly going through all my stuff to see what I can purge. Have decided to let go of my vinyl because Lord knows if I'll ever get another turntable (not like I have room for one).

I want to make room for a meditation area in my apartment so I need to move stuff around and pack some shit and all that. I really need to get back to a regular meditation practice to soothe my weary emotions.

I've made dates to get out more and went out a few times this week as well. Need to balance in a social life because it's gotten beyond pathetic and I actually have a lot of friends. Said my last goodbyes to Lolo last night as she leaves for Korea in two more sleeps. I had lunch with a friend I haven't seen in ten years since she was living in Japan and she'll be joining my breakfast buddy and I on Sunday for our weekly. I've got plans tomorrow night, I've got plans a couple nights next week. And I still have to call Ant and touch base and make plans with him. I've got shit to do.

But I'll still be here. Just had to take a break from being all writing and nothing else...

EY

Perceptive Perceptions
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
5:15pm Monday 9Apr07

Okay I've stopped hating the person who invited me to Facebook after having touched base with someone I lost track of 10 years ago! Seems she was in Japan for 10 years and just got back to Canada! We've made plans to have lunch together. Too exciting. Funny lady that did some very wild things in her past but has a heart of gold and always looks for ways to help people to succeed. How cool is that?

I shed a big ass crocodile tear when I had to get my ass out of bed this morning to go to work. It's not like I hate working but boy oh boy it's also really sweet not to have to work. And really, where does the time go? Did I accomplish any of the things I'd promise myself for the long weekend? Not a one! Slept like there was no tomorrow and it wasn't like I had any alcohol other than Thursday night and really Corona isn't even alcohol. Let's face it Corona is baby formula.

I was close to falling asleep at my desk for awhile this afternoon. Tired ass tired. Groggier than a hibernating bear awakened two months too early. I went for my afternoon coffee to get me moving and provide me with a faux hit of caffeine cuz really how much caffeine is there in Cinnamon Hazelnut versus the real man's coffee? I acted on a whim and crept up behind my sweet friend and gave him a cat kiss. (Basically rubbed my face against his unshaved face.) What a great exfoliant! All of a sudden I was super awake, eyes wide open like I was never going to conk out at my desk like a druggie. How is it that you could be ready to fall into a deep sleep one minute and then be hyper alert the next? And how do you find a way to pull that out at will?

It's like when you're leaving for vacation you can wake up at 4 am without an alarm and jump out of bed with all the energy of a person who has slept for a full eight hours. I want to access that energy on a daily basis. Just change gears in mid stream. I'll have to experiment with that one. Pretend that my fantasies have come true. Act like my day is going to be as great as a long vacation. Act expectant instead of hopeful. Yeah that's the ticket.

And can we sing it one more time?:

Love me now
Cuz I'm special
Not your average kind
Who'll accept every line that sounds good
So reach into your chain of thoughts
Try to find something new
What worked so well for you before
For me it just won't do.

Love me in a special way
what more can I say
LOVE ME NOW!

Yep I'm killing that song until my neighbour bangs on the wall! ha ha!

Cranky Tall Guy and Coma Boy had me laughing at them at lunch time with their patheticness. Both have to have something to read while they eat their lunch but both don't buy newspapers. The Gooseman normally brings a newspaper in everyday except he's on afternoons. Cranky was reading a small flyer for women's shoes out of desperation and Coma boy was reading the Toronto Sun from April 5th. When Cranky was done with the flyer he went in search of a Filipino paper to read (he's not Filipino!) Boys just bring a book!? Filipino boss feeling sorry for them went and got today's paper for their poor deprived reading souls.

Came home to toilet paper all over the place. Seems Zelda decided that a fight had to be had with the whole roll and she TP'd the apartment. The little psycho! Tonight we TP her!

EY