Nothing has changed
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 24June07 12:17pm

Taking a break from the great outdoors to write for a minute or so.
Funny weather this week. It went from scorching hot to pretty frigid and it's back to scorching again today. It's gay pride weekend with the downtown bustling with people and characters and naked bodies. Have I asked before why the naked people are always the ones that shouldn't be naked? Curious.

There's the TD boys in their green speedos that my one male friend wanted to spy. I had to admit that a man in a speedo just doesn't do anything for me. The package always looks inadequate. Who really knows what the before package is supposed to look like except other men perhaps. ha ha! Yeah I said it!

One trannie (tranny?) was squashed into a mermaid outfit with ass crack exposed and cone fleshed boobs exposed. A spectacle indeed.
On a lighter note, I went to see Martha Wash perform on the Wellesley stage. She was excellent. That voice brought the house down and everyone was up and dancing and jumping for "it's rainin' men." It's inspiring when someone sounds so good. That's time and practice and discipline.

My singer friend was disappointed that she didn't do any of that full range screaming when she sang. Being impressed with how rich and strong her voice is wasn't enough for him. He's such a Leo, always wanting way more than what is already fantastic in my books. I realize that when I go to see my singer friend perform and one of his friends critiques him in the same way, that I find it annoying but see that singer friend does the same kind of thing. Are we naturally dissatisfied or unimpressed?

It's still early Mercury Retrograde and the male thing continues. Friday night I went to the bar to hang with Double D and have a coupla drinks. Male, who must remain nameless because more and more people who know me read this and it's too damn easy to figure who's who, makes pass at me. It's surprising. Never ever would have expected it from this one. He's a Pisces! I've never had a Pisces man make such an outwardly blatant pass. Never ever.

Nothing has changed with me. I look exactly the same. It's not like I've lost the 10 or so pounds that I'd like to lose. It's not like my hair has grown or anything. Nothing has changed and I've become weird man magnet. I tell you God has a brilliant sense of humour and is chuckling his/her ass off at the little life of little me. Orchestrating all sorts of fuckery.

I keeping asking what this is supposed to mean being the person that must give meaning to everything. Is it the test of throwing the lesser men (as far as my interest level is concerned) in my path for me to repeatedly say, 'no, I'm waiting for someone special,' just to see if I'll stay true to my word? Especially since I did say in one entry recently that I was embracing my singleness this year and I gave up on the one that I didn't think I'd give up on. But he wore my black ass out.

With feeling like I'm a character in my own novel, it's inspired me to write a lot. Getting substantial work done on White Wishes, Women of the Fold and Dreamweavers. It's all good. When the people in my world are going crazy, I sit down and write. I've got a list of all the scenes I think I want to write for Women of the Fold and Dreamweaver. I choose a scene and try to freeflow a thousand words for each. For White Wishes I've been reading through the pages at a pretty slow rate. Whatever I find really inspires me in a way that makes me say "Yes" is what I either try to flesh out more or I add to the overall notes of the direction I want my novel to go in. It's coming along slowly but I'm feeling excited about my writing and trying to keep a scene or a character as my continued focus rather than trying to figure out what's going on with the men that are appearing in my life. Time will tell, I suppose.

With White Wishes I can't figure out if I should just read it all the way through and not make note of any inspirations that pop up or if I should stop as each little inspiration pops up and write them out. No one writer can tell us how we're supposed to do it. We figure it out as we go along and try different things until it fits. I have to keep reminding myself that whatever I do is the right thing. It's a long process no matter how you go about it.

Cat city is pretty relaxed. I woke up at 2am, scrubbed my eyes trying to figure out which cat was sitting at the window sill staring down at me. It wasn't Picasso, it was Miss Zoe. It seems she does all her sightseeing and exploring while the rest of us sleep. A huge relief to know that she's not really relegated to the corner that she's been in since I brought her home.

I'm supposed to go and meet other gay pride male friend to sit on a patio and drink some Sangria but I could nap. He hasn't called mind you, maybe I could nap UNTIL the phone call. haha! Maybe I can have a nap and dream all the answers to life. Maybe I ...

EY

And the beat goes on
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 17June07 10:35am

New developments with the Zoe cat. She let me pick her up and pat her. She cuddled me and let me put her in the window. She's currently chatting up a storm. Probably asking anyone who passes by to rescue her from this multi cat hell.
She gave me a couple kisses and even licked my eyebrow so all will be fine. My three are keeping their distance (snoozing actually). Zelda has checked out the wardrobe where Zoe was hiding and chomped on Zoe's food. ha ha! It takes a Zelda!

One of the blogs I subscribe to "Time to Write" mentioned this email service, "hassle me reminder service" which is worth a look at. Sometimes I need a reminder to keep me on the writing straight and narrow.

Had my marathon phone date with Lolo! Good times! It's so nice to hear a persons voice rather than the email thing. Technology is great but boy it can distance as much as it's supposed to bring us closer.

Anyway, it's another beautiful day and things seem okay with the cats so I feel less obligated to babysit all day. Might as well get outside and enjoy it before it's winter again. ha ha.

There's a wingfest happening. I'm not sure if it's two days or just one and I think Taste of Little Italy is also happening. Of course if all else fails, there's always parking my ass with my writing materials at the park. So many choices, so little time.

EY

A first that needs repeating
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 7:37pm 16June07

Yesterday was the first day of Mercury's retrograde and the new moon. I'd almost forgotten about my moon journal.

It was also my friend Jojo's birthday. I went to her place with a bottle of wine and stood sweating up a storm in the kitchen while she boiled two huge pots of water. "At least we'll lose some weight before we eat," I said with optimism.

My mouth dropped open as she grabbed a live lobster out of the sink with tongs and her housemate/best friend Purple cut the elastics off it's claws. My mouth stayed open as the lobster was unceremoniously plunked/plunged into the pot of boiling water. I could have done an Elaine (from Seinfeld) GET OUT when Jojo opened the pot and declared, "Oh he's still fighting"
He's not dead yet?

And no we didn't hear any screams, all seven times that this was done. The only screams heard were mine when Purple made me cut the elastics off the last two lobsters so she could take a picture of us. Too funny.

It's a shitload of work eating a whole lobster, as Purple's boyfriend Thomas discovered. He didn't love it so we happily ate his too! ha! We each ate two lobsters, cracking and pulling and digging and dipping. I'm still burping garlic!

I tell you I could do a repeat performance today, high cholesterol or not. Talk is that we may have to do it New Year's eve. Now that's a way to start a new year!

Happy Birthday JoJo!
I love you and your lobster.
"Give me the winner, I want the winner."

EY

A Day in the Life
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 16June07 7:15am

Finished work early and walked over to pick up the cat. She fought going into the carrier case but eventually Elizabeth was able to get her in it. Elizabeth wanted to be quick about it because she'd already said her good byes to the cat and knew she was going to cry. That was fine by me. I wanted to get home and get this thing started.

Zoe cried up a storm in the carrier case, yowling (howling and yelling) as I walked down the street. I hailed a cab and got this older black cabbie who proceeded to tell me that he'd seen me earlier walking up the street. "You are unique looking," he told me, "Unique in a good way."
Okay.
He is a dog person, he told me. Nice. As I paid and tipped him he told me that he would be happy to go out with me, should I want an older man. ha ha. Yup, the first day of Mercury Retrograde throws me into my belief that this one is going to be about communications with men. But will there be a dream guy in the lot, I wonder?

Got Zoe home, screaming all the way and all three of my girls came out with big curious eyes. They all looked at each other as if to say, "we're all accounted for. Oh shit, another one?"
Yeah babies, another one.
Zoe came out of the carrier case and made her way under my wardrobe and has been there ever since. She growled when I brought her some food, growled when I brought her some water and growled when I put a kitty litter box in the area. Heck, she growls when I walk by.
Each one of my girls has walked close by to study her and has backed away. So it looks like that's the kind of weekend it'll be. Zoe under the wardrobe and the others attempting to check out the situation. I just hope she eats.

Picasso, Quincy and Zelda are doing their own thing now except Zelda has stopped teasing Picasso, completely. When there is an intruder, you got to be a team.

EY

Are You My Father?
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 14June07 6:39pm

I didn't realize that A.M. Homes book about being adopted and meeting her birth parents was published. The Guardian (Click this link) has a write up about it.

I read a piece that she wrote for the New Yorker a long while back that dealt with the whole experience. It was a harrowing read. It made me think about what would happen if I should find my birth father. It's all linked to Mercury Retrograde this month and next of course because my retrograde seems to be surrounding men, only men. Plus my June horoscope from Susan Miller at Astrology Zone.com mentions the possibility of me looking up a biological parent. Creepy!

The whole thing feels like it's too much to handle anyway. Between A.M's article and then Kathryn Harrison's, The Kiss, which is about her sexual relationship with her birth father... creepy!

I don't know if I read this or thought this or where it came from but it's something about a man who hasn't raised his daughter and only meets her as an adult having weird, inappropriate feelings/actions toward her. Maybe it's the reminder of sleeping with her mother all those years ago that keeps him focused on a sexual thing rather than a parental thing. Maybe the only reason that men don't have inappropriate feelings towards their daughters is that they can still picture them as children. I don't know, it's something to follow in fiction perhaps. I'm certainly not accusing men of wanting to screw their daughters. I'm just trying to reconcile why that comes up.

I wonder about my biological father, at times and I wonder would it fuck me up to meet him? Is it sometimes better that the way things happened are the way they're supposed to be? Is it better to never have the answers? What do you do if you meet your biological father and he makes a pass at you? How do you wrap your head around that?

EY