The Law of Recognition
Topic: Inspiration
It's on my other blog... a continuation of this morning's post about being depressed regarding my health.

The Law of Recognition on EY Page

EY

I Haven't Admitted
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
4:07am Tuesday 10Oct06

I've been keeping one major thing quiet recently that I'm currently struggling with being depressed. I feel like I'm inches away from drowning and inches away from survival. It could go either way. I know I have to fight it but I also feel like I have minimal fight.

It's about my health primarily. I know intellectually that I have a long road ahead and as long as I stay consistent that I can and will reach a point of great strides in my personal health. But emotionally... I feel like my body is breaking down on me and that I'm far too young for this decrepitness (decreptitude?) that I'm feeling. I feel lonely yet don't want to be around people. I feel like I could just sleep until the New Year maybe even next spring.

I feel like I know my direction and yet don't know what direction to take.

I know there are people far younger than I with far worse health concerns and I'm by no way minimizing what anyone else could be going through but today I admit that getting up is misery, staying positive is a constant battle, optimism is almost non existent.

What next, I wonder, what do I do next?

EY

Chores and CSI or CSI is a chore?
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 9Oct06 11:23am

Spent an hour making my beet, cabbage, apple and lemon juice. I've got about 12 bottles in the freezer to get me through the week. Now if I could only stay ahead of the game. Picasso kept me company in the kitchen, in need of a little one on one, I guess. Zelda was hiding because she doesn't like the sound of my juice extractor. Quincy has been hanging out in the window with her face pressed up against the window screen.

I also managed to clean the bathroom. Shall do all my clean up in shifts. I want to write for about an hour or so and then get out for a walk to my new favorite work out place that gives me a lot of stairs to walk up as part of my steps. After I eat of course because all that juicing made me hungry. I haven't done much in the way of walking over the last couple days so laziness isn't an option.

I haven't posted an entry on my EY Page blog in ages so I've got to get to that. Twyla Tharp's book is inspiring so some info about that could work for both blogs.

I need to meditate and do a chant for the emotional energy. It's needed even though I feel great. Sometimes it's about maintaining rather than trying to get out of.

What's with CSI on all the time on every channel? It's out of control. If you can't catch it on it's regular time you can catch it on A&E or Showcase or Spike. Don't you just love David Caruso? Horatio Caine all deep and caring and out to get the bad guys. He will save the world one criminal at a time and forget to say please every time he tells his team to do something. But they'll still pretend to respect him, he's the boss. He's intense. And Sarah Sidle (however you spell her gap toothed name). I can say it, I have a gap tooth too. Sarah gets personally involved, she has no life, she's in love with Grissom who can't notice her because he's too busy eating his lunch with his bugs. And CSI NY is so damn dark, who can watch that? Sigh, enough already with the CSI overload. I want to be able to eat my meal with out getting grossed out by the sound effects of knives inserted in to eye sockets and the like. I get why Speed didn't clean his gun properly and died in a shoot out, he couldn't take listening to Horatio Caine's I'm so serious voice, death was better.

Aah! Okay off for food and writing...

EY

Turkey Delight
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 8Oct06 8:42pm

A lazy day all tryptophaned out.

My turkey came out perfect yesterday, the stuffing was exquisite and the roast beef wasn't too shabby either. I was good and had veggies with my meal. Not my norm but with the arthritic toes one has to be more mindful. Had a friend over who got to meet Miss Zelda and partake of my new favorite beer, Mill St Tankard ale.

I wasn't going to check out Inside the Actors studio with Dustin Hoffman but decided to turn it on for a minute and watched it for the full two hours. He makes you want to do a program like method acting. Strasbourg, Adler and the other people that really pushed a seriousness to acting. I wish there was a writing program like that. Or a place that I could be absorbed in it with others for a couple years. When all else fails it's time to hit the books.

I had another dream about the one who's presence shall not be acknowledged. Strange. I had come across his list of observations which seemed to be his version of journal keeping. On the list were comments and observations about me starting with My Shelley this and My Shelley that. Was heart warming in the dream and disturbing in my wake life. For some reason it makes me think about what Lolo said the other day, "I have to organize my thoughts before I can say what I really want to say."

A nice quiet evening. Where does the long weekend go? Got tomorrow and you know it will fly by like nobody's business. sigh!

Used to be a time when Sunday nights were College Street Bar nights when Soul Stew played there every week and we'd see the Bare Naked Ladies just hanging out and Holly Cole. Met new people there and had great laughs. There was a core group of us that hung out and introduced our new boyfriends and girlfriends. I always waited for Soul Stew to perform Me and Mrs Jones and the music between sets was old soul and disco and my friends would crack up because I could name the title of a song after the first note was played. We never had conversations, we were always yelling because we were all dominant people. Wow! That seems so far away now. That was one of the few times that I wasn't an outsider. There and hanging out at Cezar's Palace with my best friend J growing up in Montreal. That's actually where we met.

Dustin Hoffman made a comment about shaking hands with your demons through your art. I like the thought of that. Digging in deep and pulling out the gunk to study it. It comes up anyway might as well do it with awareness as opposed to allowing it to act up in your life. He talked about his acting having an autobiographical feel to it. Being his mother or being his father or being his brother. Basically pulling something of yourself into a work that has nothing to do with you but that is how you find the entry point of connection. He burst into tears a few times and blamed it on being old but I think part of it is being interviewed in a setting that breeds emotions because people genuinely want to hear what he has to say about acting rather than the tabloidy shit that their all so accustomed to. It can make you cry when you talk about stuff that no one has ever asked you about and the interest is genuine.

People are starting to sign up for November's Nanowrimo. It's that time of the year already and I'm no where close to having a full workable draft of White Wishes to get back to in December. Just as long as I'm writing I guess.

I still haven't paid for the Canscaip writer's conference since I've been pretty broke. With the money I've been dropping for my arthritic stuff it's been a little hard to keep up. It'll all work out. It always does.

Oh well, off into the world of White Wishes...

EY

Blog run
Topic: Newsletters
2:50pm Saturday 7Oct07

I was catching up on my emails last night then checked out Shirley Jumps blogspot because I hadn't in awhile then followed a link from her blog to gawker.com and then ended up at the Assimilated Negro's blogspot. I read an entry laughed and decided to bookmark him.

Clicked in briefly today and checked out his archives. Wigger history month (just the title made me laugh out loud). "No he di' int"
So if you want check out the gawker piece that they got from TAN...

Wigger History Month

EY