Heart Matters
Mood:  happy
Topic: Writing Outings
Thursday 10:32pm 19Oct06

My first Talk/Interview for IFOA was Adrienne Clarkson (the ex Governor General) interviewed by Pamela Wallin.

Adrienne's talk was about her memoir, Heart Matters. She both talked and read from the book. She was excellent. I kept questioning myself whether I really wanted to attend and not go to a reading instead. How interesting is she going to be? Really interesting.

My only disappointment was that Pamela Wallin didn't give the audience a chance to ask any questions which is the norm at interviews. I actually had a question for Adrienne. So I'm going to try and find her email address to ask her the question.

Adrienne discussed coming to Canada from Hong Kong as a refugee and that each family member could only bring one suitcase per person. Imagine looking through all your belongings and only being allowed to fill a suitcase. What would you choose? What could I choose? What would I be able to limit myself to?

She quoted Margaret Laurence - "you must feel in your heart the reality of others."

Her memoir is filled with her memories, stories her mother and father told her and the information that she gleaned from her father's memoir that he'd worked on for years and then left for safe keeping in the Bank of Montreal in 1946. When Adrienne was the Governor General she went to that Bank and asked if they still had stuff left there by her father and they did. And they gave it to her. More than 50 years later. That fascinates me beyond belief especially since Kali gets to read Rachel's memoirs in my novel White Wishes.

Her Talk was mostly inspiring to me for my work on White Wishes.

It made me think about what my mother used to always say, "I could write a book." How we as our parents children take their stuff a step further. She could write a book and I am writing one. In White Wishes both mother and daughter write a book. Adrienne said that she and her brother had to go to University 'for our parents'. It wasn't the opportunity they were given - the father who cried himself to sleep every night because he couldn't attend high school and the mother who'd felt abandoned as a child when her brother shoved her out of the way and no one from the family noticed that she wasn't with them. She sat on the street waiting for them for several hours to come back for her.

She talked about the Chinese being big into photos of which my mother was and the importance for her to look back at those photos when she was working on her memoirs. My mother used to drive me crazy with all the photos she took of us growing up but then those photos were my life line when she died. My fascination with the mother/daughter relationship is because of my relationship with my mother so our stuff is just as important as Rachel and Kali's stuff.

Pamela discussed Adrienne's ability to stand outside of her life story as if she were looking at herself as a stranger. The level of immersion versus detachment.

Adrienne mentioned a girl that interviewed her last week who was Lithuanian or something along those lines and how the young girl compared herself to Adrienne said, "I'm just like you. I have to be more perfect than perfect." Which was how I was raised. In a white man's world a black child should be beyond reproach because we're already seen as savages, criminals, not good enough and the whole nine.

The question posed regarding writing her memoir was, "What am I ready to tell?" That's a great journal question, a great blog question, and a great character question. "Rachel, what are you ready to tell?

And the final thing of note was that Adrienne said that her father gave her the confidence to know that she was competent to be who she wanted to be in a man's world made for men. I wrote it down as, "in a world made by white men for white men."

The interesting thing about memoirs is that there is a universality. We all have a knowledge of our families especially about things we weren't told about. Feelings that couldn't be expressed because we were too young, secrets that are kept that we sense or know on a subconscious level. Families are fascinating. What are all the pieces that you would choose to tell to make people understand you or gain an essence of who you are? What do you stories do you remember that were told about your beginnings?


Heart Matters, another book added to my wish list...

EY

Look at all my books
Mood:  bright
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 12:48pm 19Oct06

Day one of my writing vacation and I slept in until 8am. I know that's a lot of extra hours. ha ha! Zelda has been running around clapping her paws together screaming, "Mommy's home, Mommy's home!"

I made it out to Fresh Obsessed and picked up a few things like beets to keep on top of having premade juice in the freezer. I'll do the juicing tomorrow since I don't have an interview or anything to attend. Unless they've added to the schedule. I should check that.

While putting my groceries in the fridge Zelda actually jumped in and I had to wrestle her out. Little girl is more than a handful for such a little body. Then she proceeded to attack me while I was trying to eat my breakfast. Training clearly needs to include manners. I'm not used to having a cat like this. All my cats have normally been so well mannered and not interested in human food.

Looks like there will be decent coverage of IFOA in the papers. The Toronto Star has a daily write up so that's an extra bonus.

Last night while looking for a research book in my over run by books apartment I came across some other books that got me excited. I can't totally remember the comment but it's something to the effect that when something excites you it's your intuition (inner guide, higher power) alerting you to your direction. I literally said out loud, "Look at all my books!" So I'm excited again to devour as many books as possible which always means good things to my blogs.

I caught The Writing Life on Bravo this morning. Russell Smith was talking about the boring life of a writer holed up in his apartment writing. It's true. I wonder how to keep up with my daily practice and actually write about something given that I do really live a fairly boring life. I have more people subscribed to my other blog the EY Page, which makes more sense since it's about inspiration.

Anyway I'm still here and crazy and giving away too much information possibly and hopefully one day this will be a fantastic blog or something like that.

EY

Witty?
Mood:  flirty
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Wednesday 5:42pm 18Oct06

I'm on vacation! I some how managed to get everything taken care of before I left work. Mind you I walked around with fuzzy head all day today listing my to do's over and over and focusing on not much else. Two different people asked me if I wasn't talking to them because I walked past them not even noticing their existence. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night realizing that I'd forgotten to book some important something or other. sigh! It's all taken care of. It better be.

It's funny how you can like someone and for me, if he's just open enough, I can be so witty. Much great laughter was had when I received the phone call just before I left for my vacation. My faculties were back, I was relaxed and I threw some zingers that made my object of desire laugh louder than I've ever heard him laugh. The funny thing is that the more I get to really know him the more I want to be his friend. Yeah romance is great but friendships tend to last a whole lot longer. That's why I'm single, I believe in friendship far more than I do in romance. Interesting. So I'm making the moves to make this person my friend and letting go of the focus on anything else. (It turns out that his project will probably last through November.) Peculiar aren't I?

But not that strange when you think about it. My best friend J in Montreal was originally a big crush on my end. Some where along the lines he said, "You are going to be my little sister." I didn't really want to hear that at 15/16 years old but you know what? We've been best friends for close to 30 years. A romance? That probably wouldn't have lasted more than a year and we wouldn't be in each others lives now. All those decades of laughter lost. All those decades of laughter and being my genuine self. It's so nice to be my real self in front of someone and so few people that I can be that with.

IFOA is here! My first interview doesn't start until 8pm tomorrow night. Yeah I could have gone to work but I want to write and get organized and love my kitten. Mind you there is a reading tonight a 100 year celebration of McClelland & Stewart that I can attend. I still haven't made a decision whether I'll go. I'm not that big on readings as a whole. I just go to them on the weekends to kill time between one interview and the next. I get far more ideas from the interviews and round table discussions than I do from the readings. Plus my feet are exceptionally sore tonight, big toes throbbing like a mo fo and since I'll be walking all week, I've got to pace myself.

Apparently we're not going to get any kind of Indian summer this year which sucks. I could use some crazy warm weather for the next week although it was lovely today. I'll be inside for the bulk of my time off anyway. I'd like to have a competition with myself to see how much writing I can do each day. White Wishes is hanging over my head and nanowrimo is looming.

It's my time! My anniversary is Oct 22nd. I will have lived in Toronto for 24 years. Never thought I'd be here more than ten. Never thought I'd be a lot of things but today I'm happy.

EY

Undead Television Report.
Topic: R-Dead Television Report
Monday 10:17pm 16Oct06

So these are all the shows I tape:

Inside The Actor's Studio

Six Feet Under - last season hurray!

Slings & Arrows - Bastards cut out the swearing!

The Closer

Heroes - Just added it tonight. Caught Chapter 3 last week and it's freaky good!

Rick Mercer Report - Tie Domi on decorating? Rick Mercer on a swing stage on the 63rd floor of Scotiabank? He has big balls.

Law and Order: Criminal Intent

Gilmore Girls - that quick dialogue makes me laugh and Laine hating sex? Too wrong! Rory text messaging sex talk to Logan? Oh no! WWTBFCS?

Rescue Me - Denis Leary, I would propose to him if he wasn't married. Testosterone...need I say more?

Criminal Minds

Weeds - When the Uncle discussed masturbation with the kid I was weak!

Ugly Betty - Selma Hayek, secret Lesbian crush. You know of course that when I'm rich and famous that comment will come back to bite me in the ass!

Grey's Anatomy - Who do I love more on that show? I love them all! sniff sniff

The L-word - Okay the first season I watched out of curiosity. That season clearly catered to men. The second season was fantastic. A.M Homes wrote a few of those episodes. Love her! The third season sucks the big one! Dana has breast cancer? Jen Beals character is all wimpy and unsure of herself? Shane in a dress? Come on! And the little cute one that was engaged and then had her first lesbian affair then became a cutter doesn't know when she's about to be gay bashed? I'm not even fucking gay and I could figure that one out. Sucks! Oh yes and Alice as stalker crazy anti-depressant taking ex. sigh!

Men in Trees - Okay that hot guy that Anne Heche's character had sex with, phew, I watch it for him. EYE CAN-DY. If all men looked like him in Alaska, I'd love the winter!

Law and Order, the original

G-Spot - almost like the Canadian Sex and the City.

and Family Guy - politically incorrect. I have screamed from some of the one liners. Sick writers! Love it!

So it's actually not as bad as last year and I look forward to watching every tape.

I dumped Prison Break even though Wentworth Miller is a beautiful thing to behold. I dumped Desperate Housewives last year in Season 2. I can't remember when I watched CSI regularly but I do remember getting grossed out while eating spaghetti and gagging so hard I hurt myself! I say as I laugh hysterically. Yeah you really can laugh at things some day.

I'm down to only 4 crime dramas and The Closer often makes me laugh and Kyra Sedgewick is damn brilliant. I gave up Without a Trace although I did really like it. But after awhile watching all those crime dramas make me paranoid and who needs that. If you get killed it will probably be by some one you know and worse yet love. Does anybody need to think about that? Thank God at least most serial killers like to kill white people. Bad joke! But it's the one time I'm glad we're not accepted. Sorry!

What I may dump... The L-Word, Criminal Minds, and Law & Order the original. I love Vincent D'Onofrio too much to let him go. And thankfully Six Feet Under will be done soon. Six Degrees is kind of good but I won't allow myself to get into it. And I'm still waiting for Nip/Tuck. So far my shows fill 2.5 tapes a week compared to the close to 7 tapes a week last year, major improvement. Sometimes I'd have to watch a tape just so I could use it again to record all the shows. I still have tapes from last season that I didn't watch.

Yeah, it's still kind of pathetic but in the grand scheme of things, when I want to watch television I can just slap in a tape and fast forward through the commercials. So I'm not sitting for a whole hour being held hostage by the T.V. Also I don't have to flip around watching stupidness because I feel like watching T.V. but there's nothing good on. Thank God I don't have Tivo!

Recommendation - If you were going to catch a new show, Heroes is the one. It's got that graphic novel feel to it, dark and strange.

I've confessed my T.V. sins, confession is good for the soul. Now I can sleep... if Zelda calms down.

EY

October energy kicks in
Mood:  flirty
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 6:22pm 16Oct06

Woke up hungry this morning but too late to make my smoothies. Damn that snooze button! As I bathed I contemplated what I could have for breakfast given my shaky funds and remembered that I had a United Way leadership breakfast this morning! Yippee! Had scrambled eggs, stuffed French toast, fruit kabobs, orange juice and coffee.

It's nice when the cosmos save my feeding frenzy.

Got to see one of my very cute contractors and he told me that his project is done so tomorrow is good-bye unless I find the guts to ask him if he's single... It might be time to stop wearing my mother's wedding rings and making everybody think that I'm married. Mind you my guys are good at telling people that I'm single.

Anyway cute contractor who is at least 6'5" (where are all these tall men coming from and keep em comin') and is so good to look at he's almost pretty bought me a bottle of Shiraz (my favorite... he asked) for all the help I've given him during his project. He was so discreet about it that he made me nervous. First he came to my office with these three little items that he said were for building services. Normally our guys go up to retrieve them. Then he pulled me out of the office and said that he'd actually come to see me and asked me what kind of wine I liked. Um, his favorite too. ha ha! When he brought me the wine he called me to meet him on the Concourse all clandestine like and handed me the bottle in a nice container with a card (he has great handwriting! Sexy!) and then we both got flustered and we took off in opposite directions. Lolo, I have your disease! ha ha!

I'm bogged down at work with all the last minute things I need to take care of before I go on VAY-CAY. I'd sent an email to my contractors that prefer to deal with me and The Guy called me to say, "what's this about you going on vacation? You can't go on vacation. You know I can't deal with you gone. In the midst of our very long phone conversation that raised the eyebrows of my office partner Ado, he asked me if I had any writing that he could read. I say I have two blogs. Then realize that I've been talking about him on said blogs. Do I wipe every trace of him off my blogs? Do I change those entries to private so he doesn't come across them? Do I need a psychiatric evaluation? ha ha!

So far, he's not that interested in the blogs and more interested in reading my real writing. I somehow guided the conversation away from my writing as a whole and again he asked, "Do you have any writing that I can read?" Gotta love a man that sticks to a point and can hook a girl fish when she tries to disappear under the reefs or something watery like that. The Piscean evasion tactics...

Today's entry is brought to you by the makers of Crack Cocaine. Everything was about crack today. I was wired from the coffee I drank this morning. Crack caffeine with crack sugar, as I called it. I said I was going to the International Festival of Author's my yearly crack addiction. The positive male attention I received today... sigh! some kind of crack something or other.

It was a fine day! The September energy has finally made way for the October surprises that I was expecting. What fun! And Zelda keeps coming up to the desk to stare lovingly into my eyes and attack my hair. Since the braids of this weekend she now finds my hair fascinating and attackable. Too funny!

EY