Happily Worn Out
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 27Oct06 9pm
Couldn't bring myself to stay for the Giller Nominee reading. It'll be a long one and knowing full well I'd be snoozing in my seat I decided to bring my ass home.

I feel happily worn out. Another festival over and I don't feel like I'm coming down with anything which is always a bonus. Man sometimes pleasure is more hard work than work. But girlfriend is okay!

At the final round table discussion I asked the panel of writers if they had an unfinished or finished novel in a drawer that they would never submit for publication. And made mention that I've been working on my first novel for ten years. Two of the authors admitted to having a dreadful novel in the proverbial drawer. Louise Penny asked me if I was still working on my novel and did I believe that I could finish it. Yes I still believe. She told me to keep believing and keep writing and keep persevering and I will see my dream come to fruition. A nice way to end it off for me. A nice way indeed.

Went out last night with Jojo after all the interviews and readings. Came home and proceeded to make Pillsbury chocolate chip cookies and eat them. Seemed like a good idea at the time wasn't so great when I woke up this morning. Hurtin' for certain!

Also sent off emails to a couple people telling them all sorts of stupidness. What is it with alcohol and my need to contact people with some weird communiques? Why do I think I'm so smart when I'm drunk? Some body please tell me! ha!

But any how I'm home for the rest of the weekend other than my weekly Sunday morning breakfast get together. Can it be a better time to gain that extra hour with day light savings time? Yippee! I've already set my clocks back an hour so I'm not all confused when I get up.

EY

IFOA Tues and Thurs
Topic: Writing Outings
Friday 11:02am 27Oct06

Okay catching up with the notes I kept from the International Festival of Author's.

Round Table Discussion with:
Mark Billingham, David Gibbins, Michael Collins, J.B. Mackinnon
Paul Quarrington was the moderator which is always good for a laugh.

James MacKinnon started on his book because of an interest in an Uncle assassinated in the Dominican Republic in 1965 before James was born.

Michael Collins talked about there being a certain agitation in sitting still for too long. His interest/ theme is about the contemplation of a lost people. Through running and coming across "lost people" through the disparity of what he lived in a University town compared to the people who lived there he got into writing.

Mark Billingham said that writing is to a degree showing off. You want people to read what you write and in a way it's like you are showing off. He said that the reveal used by stand up comics (of which he is one) is the same technique used by crime writers.

Michael Collins does some genre blending within his book, what starts off as a literary novel moves into crime fiction. Fascinating to me. Add his book to my wish list.

Why they write...
Writing as a reaction to what I see.
Writing the book as you want to write it.
Write the kind of book you'd like to read.

Who is your imagined reader?
Family, a person like oneself.

I realized that my imagined reader is my mother even though she is no longer alive. I'm writing that book that would gain her attention as much, if not more than my brother's brilliant art...

Round Table Discussion with:
Alberto Manguel, Rosemary Sullivan, and Bruce Whiteman.
Antanas Silieka was the moderator.

Rosemary Sullivan's book Villa Air-bel (another wish list item) is about the artists that stayed in occupied France in a Villa waiting to be rescued and the artists that came to try to rescue them.

Her comment when she'd asked one of the artists why she hadn't left earlier when it would be easy to leave, her response was, "we couldn't imagine a place other than Paris."

A lot of discussion about the traces we leave behind or no longer leave behind with the use of a computer. Every draft is a first draft because we keep working off the same page and saving it as such. There is not visible progression of how a work has changed.

The day that virtual sex equals sex I'll agree to a virtual library - Alberto Manguel.

A writer is someone on whom nothing is lost. Alberto quoting Henry James (I think)

Discussion about there being a need for an active public life to go with the reflective writing life.

Their favorite books that they re read over and over:
Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - Joyce
The Sun also Rises - Hemingway
Moby Dick - Melville

Other comments
I'm looking for the expression of my experience in a book. Expecting to find a mirror of me when I pick up a book - Alberto Manguel

A writer needs a writers circle of friends that understand. - Rosemary Sullivan

The short sell cycle for the novel... "Books don't have sell by dates as if they are eggs. - Alberto Manguel

Each generation brings its news - Antanas

Rosemary quoting Irving Layton - You write for immortality!

We are being educated in stupidity, you need to learn how to be stupid - Alberto Manguel.

Thurs Round Table Discussion with:
Caroline Adderson, Tom McCarthy, Eden Robinson, Timothy Taylor.
moderated by Richard Crouse

How the book changes when it goes out into the world.

Eden's first novel was published in 1996. She discussed how people reacted to her when they first saw her after they'd read her book. Most people were disappointed expecting her to be dressed all in leather based on the content of her book.

Timothy, I think, said if you're lucky your life changes once your book goes out there.

Caroline mentioned a sense of elation and relief at completing the novel that turns into depression for about 6 months or until you start on your next work.

the best part of writing is writing.

People interpret your novel in ways that you've never considered.

A grieving period after I leave my characters - Eden.

Writing is self-taught if that is possible - Timothy

Even if it's bad writing it's worth doing. That is part of the process.

Reading the great works as a writer:
- studying how does he do that?
- highlighting the novel
- copying the novel as if you were writing it yourself (like an applied version of re-reading the work.)

The need to learn how to step away from yourself to see your work as a reader.

You're not meant to write it perfectly in the first draft.

Caroline writes 20 drafts per short story.

Regarding reviews - you have to be skeptical especially with praise in the public.

That's it!
EY

A Long Weekend - Going for Simple
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Friday 8:16am 27Oct06

Well, my vacation has now reached the long weekend stage. I've got a round table discussion and a reading to attend tonight and tomorrow is my last blast and it's done. Sunday is my recuperative day to relax and get my mind back into day job mode. At least I don't feel like the time flew by. I hate when that happens, when you want your vacation to start all over again.

I'm not even close to Nanowrimo mode and I wonder how well that will go with Mercury Retrograde. I still haven't put a title up on my profile for what novel to work on. I'm thinking maybe Dream weavers, the children's series. Something easy going. How will Arrabella fare at 10 years old with the death of her mother? Will I leave it at the subtle conflict or will I come up with a larger conflict? Of course your life changing drastically and for the worse is probably conflict enough, I guess. But that's what the first draft is all about, finding where the story wants to go. Writing the junk first and then having something to work with rather than just a blank page.

I didn't make it out to as much of the stuff as I'd planned. I only made it to one Young IFOA offering in the early morning. Listening to my body speak, I knew I had to give something up and get some sleep. Nothing worse than finishing your vacation sick. I had three social outings from going out with my friend JoJo Friday night, the two receptions Monday night (at 5:30pm and at 10pm) and I took a time out to go to a work function of which the party continued at another bar (the bar where I always meet some new people and have great conversations despite that piece of shit bartender, my loving nickname for him.) Yesterday I conked out face first for three hours unable to come to, hearing my inner voice asking, "Can you make it?" No! Not if I don't sleep.

All in all, I've been finding inspiration everywhere. Even my trip to the dentist yesterday morning was inspiring. My vacation gift (must always buy a celebratory gift) was a plug in throw that I've wanted for ages. The timing of getting my little Zelda girl was perfect because I've had so much time to spend with her and have subsequently developed a great relationship with her.

I probably won't do the Canscaip writer's conference this year because the topics don't excite me plus I just can't afford to do it and cover my foot stuff and groceries and the like. My hermit existence will probably come in any day now and with the social stuff that I've kept up for quite a while it will be a nice respite. I wasn't sure if I'd make the Giller nominees reading tomorrow night but having found out that Rawi Hage will be one of the authors (Hope he wins this and the Governor General's award) I know that I'll have to show up. Hmm! I wonder if there will be a closing night reception. No Philippe Dupuy to laugh with. I believe he's back in France now.

My feet were causing me some serious pain most of the day yesterday. Maybe a note to slow down.

But overall great gratitude for the new people I've met who have inspired me. My co-workers who made me feel missed so much that I had to see them on my vacation (how cool is that?), the Friend for being the friend, that piece of shit bartender for his ever ready hugs (I just have to ask) and the moment of just the two of us having a wee chat about nothing in particular slowing down the evening before we went to our respective homes. It really is just nice to talk to people who are interested and interesting, funny and a little bit insane. Those moments when they like Angels tell me that I'm not alone. With all the crazy things I think about my self and my life and what I deserve... we all go through that... and in my stubborn independence, to feel connected when I need the connection.

And laughter... My boss and I were killing ourselves laughing at the get together.
"Buddy, you clap really hard."
"It's just my anger."
He was dropping some one liners on me that were knocking me over. And of course there was the prerequisite teasing sessions where by he must tell everyone about this guy who is apparently in love with me. My thing is to make the motions that I'm going to kiss my boss in order to make him stop. It doesn't work as much as it used to.
Pedro, who kept mentioning that piece of shit bartender as my boyfriend. (He's not my boyfriend! I'd fake yell). Another Jeff (I know far too many Jeffs!) who said that my laugh was contagious and proceeded to say things to make me laugh. Kris, who I always spend some portion of the get togethers with and our running inside joke about getting too drunk and going home with one of the cleaners. Throws us into hysterical fits.
Pedro and Ken and Alex at the piece of shit bartender's job talking such perversion that I actually had to leave the table because it was too much for my ears and I can be perverted. My great one liner to that piece of shit bartender that is still making me laugh two days later. It was the one time I had the last word. It's not easy getting the last word with him. I pulled out the major artillery on that one.

"I just want to fight" He says. Apparently, It's a Calabrese thing
"Yeah you'll know when I stick my foot up your ass."
"How can you do that when your foot is in your mouth?"
Is there such thing as ambidextrous feet? It's worth a try discovering if I can have one foot in my mouth and the other one in his ass. I'm just saying.

Yeah it's been a great vacation. Got a few more days left and it's back to normalcy until the next time. Want to maintain the inspiration to write with a disciplined fervor. Want to feel more balanced about how I use my time. Want to cocoon with my books and blank pages. Want to continue to feel like I've got places to go where I can talk to new people and connect and appreciate the people I already know and look for the things that make me feel good. I've got pretty simple requests, I admit but coming from where I come from I see that it was at the simplest times, in the simplest homes with people I loved (my mother and my brother and good friends of all ages) that have always been when I was my happiest.

Others can chase after the big homes and big cars and materialistic what nots... I'm going for simple.

EY

Political Writer
Mood:  chatty
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 9:44am 24Oct06

I spoke to Rawi Hage last night at the second reception. He asked me if I was a political writer. I said I didn't think so and then we both agreed that writing is a political act for people from our background. I admitted that I don't consider myself a feminist but that I realize that I actually live feminism and politically. My thoughts are not feministic nor political at the outset because it is ingrained in me as a matter of fact based on all the people that fought for me, all the people that have suffered for me, all the people that had to picket and organize...

I wish we had more time to talk to each other. He is nominated for a Governor General award and I'm hoping that he gets it. Spoke briefly to Kiran Desai who just won a Man Booker award. Philippe Dupuy and I shared a great laughing rant about how people don't understand what we do. Our family, our friends, strangers. "It's almost better not to tell," he said. "I wish I could say I was a proctologist."

It was good coming face to face with the life that I want to lead. I actually woke up this morning and started to cry. To be a little less of an outsider. To talk to people that understand what goes on inside my head and my heart. To work through my shyness and get to know people. As always, I'm so glad that I showed up despite my fear that I'd be stuck standing in a corner by myself the whole night like loser girl.

Gay Talese makes me want to go and live in different countries and get to know the people with years of immersion hunting for personal stories. Rawi Hage makes me want to identify what is political about me, what feminist acts do I live with gratitude and yet take for granted? How do I honour those people before me? How do I use my gifts wringing out everything that I need to say?
Philippe Dupuy makes me want to pull out my fun side and get back into comics. It's funny that the only thing I could ever draw well when I was a child was comics.

Seeing the chance that I can have what I want, what I really want and not what others think I should want makes me emotional. More people hugged me and kissed me and even Geoffrey Taylor turned and smiled at me as if he was acknowledging that I was in my element. Damn straight, I deserved to be there. I deserve to do what I want to do. That is political.

Paul Quarrington had me cracking up when I asked him if he enjoyed interviewing Jasper Fforde. He did his normal schtick about hating Jasper because he's attractive, smart, funny and sells. At Humber College he basically did a stand up routine about being on a book signing junket with Wayson Choy and Nino Ricci and how about 8000 people lined up for Wayson and Nino and no one came to him. ha ha! He always acts like he's the big traumatized writer. The show 1-800 Missing which is now called Missing is his brainchild. Not too shabby. I think it's in it's third year now with Vivica Fox and Mark Consuelos.

I drank a glass of Gazela (Portuguese wine) in honour of my boss at my day job. He doesn't get what I do but appreciates my passion. Plus he's turned me on to lots of things Portuguese including some of the wines.

I had a chance to come across some other cat lovers. We're really everywhere! I said, "I wonder if Zelda is white because she is so fascinated by my hair. She wants to touch it all the time."

I'm happy gushy girlfish, inspired and in love with about ten people, if not more.

Happy Birthday Aubrey Christopher! You are still something extra!

EY

IFOA Receptions
Topic: Writing Outings
Tuesday 1:05am 24Oct06
We're in Scorpio now. Being a water sign it's a good time for me. Came home to an email from my watery Cancerian friend. Feels good! Totally thrilled that he wants all that I asked for.

I had a banner time at the receptions. Got up the nerve to grab Philippe Dupuy by the arm as he was walking by and started a conversation with him. We hit it off like a house on fire and hung out at the second reception. Got him to draw something for me in my little notebook and autograph it, which is my thing. Exchanged a kiss and a hug when he said his good night. He's in Montreal for the next three days. Spoke to Rawi Hage who lives in Montreal. Told him all the reasons why I love him and he in turn told me that he needed to hug me and did! When girlfish finds her inner charm the world is her oyster! I had so much fun and every author I talked to told me that they couldn't wait to run into me at more festivals as a published novelist. Paul Quarrington remembered my face and stopped to chat. Jowi Taylor was out with his six string and we shared a kiss and a smile. Met other up and comers and handed out my business cards for emails notifying me of what they're up to so I can attend.

Lots of jokes about the drunken writer cliche. Lots of jokes. It's fun when you can work past your shyness and get to know people who are also getting past their shyness.

I want to write so off to bed for an early ish rise to write in the am.
Have I mentioned lately how much I love Geoffrey Taylor the director of IFOA? Last year I asked him if I could hug him for the joy that he gives me through the festival. I think the hug will our yearly thing. Almost didn't make the final reception because I was alone and then Jowi Taylor bailed me out by making sure I went in with him. Did I mention I love him too?

How many more people can I love? And isn't it just great loving people?

Okay sleep so I can rise again...

EY