Missing in action - a little
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 9Nov06 7:01am

Came home last night with my right eye bulging. Don't know if I burst a blood vessel or what but decided that resting it was probably the best course of action. Slept like a mo fo, being in pain is exhausting. No work done on White Wishes, obviously. It's hard not to strain the eyes when you work on a computer all day and then come home to work on a computer all night. Been dousing my eye with Visine or clear eyes or something.

Possessed is still possessing me.

Got a last minute dinner invitation yesterday from my birthday buddy, one of our contractors. So I'll be missing in action again tonight.

Quite frankly, I could just climb my ass back into bed and stay there for the day. It's Friday tomorrow, TG!

EY

The Giller Prize
Topic: Writers in the News
Wednesday 6:33am 8Nov06

My buddy of about 20 minutes (that's how long I talked to him), Rawi Hage didn't win the Scotiabank Giller Prize last night. : (
I do want to read Vincent Lam's book of short stories, however, that did actually win. He read at the Humber College School of Writers night at the Harbourfront Reading series and his stuff was really good. Hopefully Rawi will win the Governor General's award, I wonder what hat he wore last night...

Here's the coverage that I could only find off the Rogers Yahoo page:

Toronto doctor Vincent Lam wins $40,000 Scotiabank Giller Prize

ANDREA BAILLIE
Tue Nov 7, 11:06 PM ET

TORONTO (CP) - Vincent Lam, a local emergency room doctor who helped battle the city's SARS crisis of three years ago, won the lucrative Scotiabank Giller Prize on Tuesday night for his book of short stories, "Bloodletting & Miraculous Cures."

"I am astounded and in many ways overcome," Lam, 32, told a packed ballroom as he accepted the $40,000 award. "Bloodletting & Miraculous Cures" (Doubleday Canada) is comprised of 12 interconnected stories about a group of up-and-coming physicians.

Lam said he would be back to work at the hospital Wednesday afternoon, insisting he has no plans to give up his medical career in favour of writing.

"I thoroughly enjoy writing and I thoroughly enjoy being a physician and I'm proud to do both, and my intention is to continue to do both," said the boyish-looking author.

Lam's career received a significant boost about three years ago when he met acclaimed author Margaret Atwood while working as a doctor on a ship. He worked up the courage to ask her to read his manuscript and she agreed.

"Since then she has continued to be very supportive and is a great friend," he said.

While past Giller winners have included literary stars like Atwood, Mordecai Richler and Alice Munro, this year's short list was made up of lesser-known writers.

Competing against Lam were Montreal resident Rawi Hage for "De Niro's Game" (House of Anansi Press), Montreal-born Pascale Quiviger for "The Perfect Circle" (Cormorant Books), Montreal's Gaetan Soucy for "The Immaculate Conception" (House of Anansi Press), and Carol Windley of Nanaimo, B.C., for "Home Schooling" (Cormorant Books).

Some 500 guests gathered at the Four Seasons Hotel for the black-tie gala. Political stars in attendance included Liberal leadership candidate Bob Rae, and former Ontario premiers Ernie Eves and David Peterson. Also on hand were Margaret Trudeau, musician Murray McLauchlan, and opera diva Measha Brueggergosman.

"It's the absolute opposite end of the universe from what a writer does," Windley said as she surveyed the glitzy scene.

The show, broadcast by CTV, was hosted by Justin Trudeau with presentations by Atwood, actors Wendy Crewson and Albert Schultz, and "Corner Gas" stars Eric Peterson and Janet Wright.

Trudeau, the son of former prime minister Pierre Trudeau, wasn't the only political offspring featured on the broadcast.

The assembled crowd tittered as Trudeau introduced a report by Ben Mulroney - son of former prime minister Brian Mulroney - from the Giller Light fundraising event at a downtown brewery.

The Giller was created in 1994 by businessman Jack Rabinovitch in memory of his late wife, literary journalist Doris Giller. It honours the best in Canadian fiction.

Last year, Scotiabank got on board and the purse was increased from $25,000 to $50,000 (runners-up get $2,500 each) - a veritable king's ransom for most writers.

Even a mention on the prize's short list can have a big impact on book sales, a phenomenon that some have dubbed "the Giller effect."

BookNet Canada, which tracks book sales across the country, says that trend has continued this year, with "De Niro's Game" - Hage's debut novel about two friends dealing with the civil war in Lebanon - showing the biggest jump in sales.

It has also been nominated for a Governor General's Award.

That said, at least one bookseller says this year's short list - which includes two short story collections and two novels translated from French - has not been terribly popular with customers.

"We're just not selling the books," said Heidi Hallett, owner of Frog Hollow Books in Halifax. "Within our loyal clientele, short stories are always problematic, as are translations. They're just not the first things people go for."

She speculates that Hage's book has sold well partly because of the title, a reference to the game of Russian roulette played by Robert De Niro's character in the film "The Deer Hunter."

The task of choosing this year's Giller winner fell to a jury made up of Munro, Newfoundland writer Michael Winter and former governor general Adrienne Clarkson.

Copyright ? 2006 Canadian Press

Copyright 2006 ? Yahoo! Inc. All rights reserved.

Possessed
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 6:22pm 7Nov06

Started reading, Possessed (The rise and fall of Prince) by Alex Hahn.
I'm already hooked. It's well written and so far is delving into the nitty gritty of Prince and his work ethic and musical obsession. He seems to have that similar attitude that I've heard Madonna also had whereby they made good use of their supporters in their lives and moved on to the next ones. It was a bit of a users attitude when you look at it at face value but when you look at it from a different stand point, I think it was more that they took full advantage of the support they were offered but were so focused on their one all consuming goal that they didn't necessarily realize that their attitudes could be seen as being users.

I like the thought of 100% focus on your goals. I like the almost obsessiveness that has to come into play. Another interesting thing is that Prince, Madonna and Jennifer Lopez don't drink alcohol or do drugs. I have a great interest in the hard workers. People who are prolific, people who are obsessed or possessed, people who get their stuff done. I know that deep inside me that I am also one of those kinds of people, once I get past all the procrastinating of course. ha ha! I started off with my writing as an obsessed person who thought words and ideas all the time, when at work, when out with friends etc.

For many years, with worry about the next paycheque and being a great loyal friend, and being there for my family crises (which were weekly) and all the other things that slowed me down, I got away from that obsession. I'm feeling it coming back though. Now that I've got to a point where I don't feel obligated to be the one person to maintain friendships. Now that I see my singlehood as a more of a blessing giving me the freedom to be messy. Yeah, the intimacy would be nice but with the right person that can understand what my needs are. That whole wash/cut that man right out of my hair thing I mentioned the other day has really worked wonders. I can't run in two directions. If that elusive love thing is going to land on me it will in its time and no sooner. My fear of commitment has always been about having to give up my time to write (an epiphany as I type these words). I love to be around people but I just can't always give my undivided attention, that's why I keep so few people around.

Hmm! Mercury Retrograde has been quite good to me because I use it as it should be used. Go back to the drawing board. Look at ways of improving on what hasn't been working. Revisiting past ideas. Cleaning out my closets even if it's just the closets in my mind. And of course reading about people who inspire me as examples of what I can do in my own life picking and choosing how far I want to take things.

Off to continue with nanowrimo. I'm at 5800 words give or take.
EY

Sucker for Punishment
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 5:13pm 6Nov06

I went for my walk last night and ended up walking with a complete stranger for about an hour. He was walking his pug, Bailey. I patted the dog and we struck up a conversation and continued walking in the same direction. Buddy had me cracking up telling me his pet stories. It was a nice change from just taking my walk and thinking my crazy thoughts and hoping to find a bag full of money. ha ha!

My hips and feet were so sore by the time I got home that I had to wonder why again am I doing all this walking? Is there a better way? Being a sucker for punishment I went out today and managed my 13,000 steps. Apparently I'm going to go out again later to build up the steps. I figure with the hair change, I need to make a concerted effort at getting my ass in shape.

The Zeldooch discovered the window today. Any other time that I've tried to place her in the window it's scared her. Today for whatever reason she went up there and sat staring out for hours. When Picasso got pissed off, I moved Zelda to the kitchen window which was far better because the blinds were pulled up and the sun was on the sill. She loved the sunshine on her fur.

Been working on my novel off and on all weekend. I'm moving slow but feel like I'm getting somewhere which is all that matters. I'm finally finding a way to break up the chapters so that each chapter isn't 60 pages long. Thank goodness. Sometimes you have to keep stabbing at it until you get it. I've been stabbing, poking, picking. I feel like what is there in this draft applies to the novel only and I'm seeing how the setting can work with the tone of the novel. That's today, mind you. That's the beauty of writing (or is it the insanity?) today I can feel good tomorrow I could be a nervous wreck asking myself why I bother. The best writers ask themselves the same questions so I'm in good company.

It was a balanced sort of day. Managed to cook a roast, cook some soup (split peas, red lentils, carrots and butternut squash), get my laundry done (there was surprisingly several people attempting to do theirs as well), write, and go for my walk. The weather has been so beautiful it just can't be missed. It'll be cold soon. It'll be Christmas soon. I'm no where close to being prepared for the winter. Sigh! Not that I ever am.

Back to nanowrimo.

EY

Hair - a ritual to change
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 11:32am 5Nov06

My friend Cinnabon and I used to have many a conversation about a woman's need to change her hair. Make a major decision, change your hair. Break off with your boyfriend, cut your hair. Like that commercial of years ago, "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair." There is such ritual with our hair. It's such an outward showing of what can be going on internally.
It was funny that the show Felicity lost so many viewers when Keri Russell cut off her golden curly locks in character when she and Ben broke up. Funny, because viewers were so focused on her hair (she looked just as adorable without it as she did with it) and the lack of it. Funny, because it was true to form, Ben was a huge deal in her life, to acknowledge that it was over she had to do something drastic to face that reality.

I had dreads for about 5 years. I loved those dreads, they were beautiful, carefree and easygoing. I originally changed my hair to dreads to be an example for my friend who'd just learned how to do those type of dreads (Sisterlocks). She wanted people to come to her to pay for those dreads, I was her walking bulletin board. She did my initial dreads for free and I subsequently paid her $10 an hour for the upkeep of the roots. We'd been close friends, I was close to her family, loved her child. Then her husband told me one day that she'd decided that she didn't want to do my hair anymore. I laughed. I thought he was joking but finally came to the realization that it was serious when I'd left repeated messages for months to no response. Of course by this time, she had many a customer and didn't need me to advertise her skills.

Finally one day I stood in my bathroom and decided if I could cut my dreads off that was it, the friendship was over and there was no turning back. It took me twenty minutes before I cut the first dread. I haven't looked back, never made any attempts at contact, moved on.

Had another reality check yesterday. Spent the day over thinking and fantasizing and believing the hype and wasting my time and wondering what it is about myself that wants to believe but keeps me with this huge fear to commit. It's funny because last week I wrote up this sheet to carry with me and read for when my dark thoughts take over as I knew they would. I titled it, My decision to make - to give me strength to trust.

But this week the dark thoughts have taken on a different tone. If you run away and I run away how will we ever be in the same hemisphere? I'm not the one that scales walls and runs obstacle courses with some puffed up belief that all will work out in the end, not without a sign, not for people anyways. I haven't made it to 42 years old without ever being married without some sort of ingrained commitment issues.

So last night... I changed my hair...

EY