One Hour Mind Cleanse
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 5:05am 2Jan07

Ahh this is the fun part of the New Year, trying to remember to write 2007 on everything and trying to remember what day it is. Feels like a Monday but it's really Tuesday. Will the week fly by or will it drag on? That is the question. Should it matter? Should I be more focused on the now and not the next week or next month? Are we really wishing our lives away? So many questions so early in the morning.

The cats decided not to sleep with me last night and only joined me when it was time to get up. I told them it was too late, they didn't listen.

I was mad at someone last week. I tried to stay calm and not focus on it too tough but knowing how I am I knew I'd have to do something proactive to get the junk and the anger and the need to rant out of my head. A sort of mind cleanse, if you will.

I set myself a goal to write non stop for an hour. I know with timed writing that my best times to use are 15 to 30 minute intervals. I knew that a straight hour would push my limits. It's like trying to fill a glass with your tears. A struggle. No one could cry that long.
I really had to stretch to pull out every last bitch about the situation but when I'd hit the hour I felt like I'd emptied out every last bit of obsessive thoughts that I could possibly have.

I made some solid decisions about my relationship with this person, dump his ass. To top it all off, I kept myself focused on a goal rather than wasting my evening away on a person who really isn't worth the time or attention I've given him.

What started out as a way to get rid of the anger and frustration may become a new daily challenge to cleanse the daily junk out. In that hour I cracked 2100 words which isn't too shabby. So starting tonight I'm going to give it a whirl. A daily practice to get rid of the day, the residual aggravations and complaints and stress and whatever else that could be holding me back from my writing. It reminds me of my hour long walks of years ago. When I used to walk an hour to get to work and an hour to get home. I used to leave my stress at the corner of Spadina and Bloor and the rest of the walk became my meditation.

If writing is to be my practice, which it is, might as well use it to clear the junk out to go deeper. Plus it gets me closer to my 3 hour daily writing goal.

EY

Coronation Street
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Sunday 9:02am 31Dec06

They finally killed off Mike Baldwin on Coronation Street. That's the joy of writing giving a character a bit of a comeuppance. He died in the street outside the factory that he spent most of his life in. He died in the arms of Ken Barlow, his arch enemy, rambling about Deirdre, Ken's wife that Mike had an affair with years ago.

Mike Baldwin was consistent as an asshole, a womanizer, a man that out witted many a business man. He was a bit of a villain most of the time and then would show his redeeming qualities in the 11th hour, like when Alma (his ex wife) was dying. And he wasn't beyond any pain like when he caught his wife Linda having an affair with his son. The two people he was actually ever generous with betrayed that generosity and trust.

Yeah, he must have been a fun character to write. He was the opportunity to get out all the bad behaviour and the opportunity to be punished for all the bad he did. That's what writing is all about, putting a character into a situation and watching him react.

Now we watch the aftermath, how the other characters react to his passing. How his son's and grandson's interact with eachother. Who calls who a vulture and all the other emotions of people who have to deal with the death of a loved one. There's always a character that will surprise you.

EY

I Live Alone
Topic: Living on Purpose
Saturday 3:33pm 30Dec06

When I get home from work I don't have anyone to ask me how my day was and all the other questions that people who live together ask each other. I don't have anyone who looks in the fridge and says, "Where's the ginger ale?" just as they spy the green plastic bottle. I don't answer to anyone nor do I have to explain anything that I do.
I had to explain to one of my co workers yesterday, after snapping at him more than once, 'You have to understand, I live alone."

I realize that I have to remind myself of the opposite for other people that they live with other people. I get so impatient with people who ask me a lot of questions. i wonder why they're so nosy. I wonder what purpose it serves to ask questions that could be naturally answered in time. Like if I'm holding my winter coat at 3pm when I normally leave work at 4:30pm chances are that I'm leaving early and instead of asking me the obvious, wait until I put my fucking coat on and I say good bye.

Sometimes I get so sarcastic in my responses to questions. I say stuff like:
"Are you my fucking boss now?"
"If I'm holding my coat clearly I'm leaving early."
"Why don't you try checking the binder to see if there's any new time sheets instead of bugging me about it?"
"I told you yesterday that I'd do it today. When have I ever said I'd do something and then not do it?"
Yeah, pretty bitchy!

I have to remind myself that that's how most people who live together talk to each other. They ask questions and sometimes for answers they already know. For a lot of people it's their way of making contact, to acknowledge another's presence. I have to remember that a lot of people either have nothing to talk about or can't stand the silence when they are with someone else.

I'm not one to ask a whole lot of questions. I realize that most things can be figured out just by observation. Plus some answers aren't that important to know. It's one of the reasons my boss and I get along so well. Neither of us ask a lot of questions and because of it we tend to tell each other a lot more than we tell the others who ask questions all the time. His response to most questions is, "What are you a cop?"

If there's anything I need to focus on in 2007 aside from being nicer and being disciplined, it's to remind myself that not everyone is like me. In fact, most people aren't like me. Not every one walks through life with my kind of lone wolf independence. And if I can learn to tolerate more questions maybe people will learn to ask me fewer questions.

At the very least, I'll stop hurting people's feelings because they are trying to connect with me in the best way they know how.

EY

Crazy Cooking Lady
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 30Dec06 3:08pm

I woke up this morning with images of ground beef, Italian Sausage and pepperoni in spaghetti sauce. Hmm. I've been thinking about spaghetti for days now, I realize. I've got so much food in my freezer, took out soup last night to thaw for today. I don't really need to buy groceries.

Went to Fresh Obsessed anyway and bought all the ingredients to make my spaghetti sauce. Got some Parmesan and mozzarella cheeses to go with it. I talked myself into buying double of all the meat and have filled up two crock pots and a huge stove top pot with my spaghetti sauce. As I was stirring the sauce in the pot on the stove I was cracking myself up thinking that this one pot was more than enough sauce for one normal person. Of course I'm not one normal person I am the crazy cooking lady. Lord Help me!

Zelda kept me company in the kitchen while I chopped onions and garlic and cooked the sausages and ground beef. She is of the tripping cat variety constantly under my feet. I accidentally stepped on her tail a couple times to very loud cat screams and accusatory looks. But it wasn't enough for her to give me a little foot space. I try to pivot around without lifting my feet for fear of the stepping on tail mishap but forget again cuz I'm not a dragging my feet type of gal.

I was flipping through the Now Magazine issue with all the 2006 lists. Nothing of interest really crept out at me but I kept going. I got to the list of passings of the year. I didn't know that Gerald Levert died! I kept trying to convince myself that it was also his father's name but alas no he is Eddie Levert (who sang with the O'Jays). How devastating! Gerald Levert was only 40 years old. Apparently he had heart disease and died of a heart attack. It's really sad. He had gotten so heavy.

I don't know how many award shows I watched him on singing some tribute to some heavy hitter singer and just "sanging" the shit out of that person's music. Often times singing it way better than the original version. I'd always say, "That's my boy, sang that shit!" like he could hear me in my living room. I think he may have been the male counter part to Patti Labelle for putting on a show.

One year, I think it was on the image awards, they presented Diana Ross with a lifetime achievement type award. Patti Labelle did a medley of Diana Ross' songs. Now girlfriend sang those songs, she had me screaming in my apartment. I was lying on the floor like I'd been saved, people in the audience lost their minds. When Diana Ross went up to the podium to get her award she stood there and shook her head and said, "Oh Patti!" It was the highest compliment. It was like she was saying, I kneel to the altar of Patti Labelle. I ain't jealous, I ain't mad at you, you sang my songs!

Oh Gerald!

EY

Half Expected
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 28Dec06 4:54am

I half expected to hear Christmas Carols when my stereo went off this morning. I guess things are sort of back to normal. It's nice to have just a couple days of work to ease me back into a normal schedule.

We all seemed to have a bit of a restless sleep except for the Zelda cat that was comfortably stretched out on my writing chair. I seemed to wake up almost every hour. I think it has to do with being so free and without time constraints I'm always a tad stressed that I'll sleep in on the day that I really can't. I usually have those kind of dreams that I'm already at work and then wake up all screwed up and have to rush around. But with my 4am promise to get up every morning I really am safe so I don't know what the mild stress is about.

Maybe it's the date. Who knows.

Happily, I'll be able to get back to making my smoothies again since I bought myself a new blender for Christmas. My lovely magic bullet just couldn't deal with the heavy duty work that I put it through. It was really good in the beginning but after several months of constant use, well, the little critter couldn't deal. Plus the cups have little keys that fit into the mechanism to make it run and most of the little keys have broken off the cups. I think I have one or two cups left that still have the keys. It became a crap shoot as to whether it was going to work each morning and I can't have that. Plus the cups were repeatedly unscrewing from the blade while blending and I'd end up with a mess. Not good in the limited time of the mornings. So my endorsement of the magic bullet has changed dramatically. It was great for a minute but I need something more consistent than that.

My Charlescraft juice extractor is getting a little use weary but that's okay because I still have a brand new one sitting on the sidelines. I bought three of them when Eaton's was closing down years ago because I was able to buy them for real cheap. I gave one as a gift and kept the other two. Those are little sturdy guys. I used my first one for a good ten years so I know this one still has some good life to it.

My arthritic feet have been so excellent that I haven't taken my herbal concoction for a good week plus I haven't taken the Castor oil treatments for quite a few days either. The regimen is usually to take a break from everything so I'll probably start up again once the work schedule gets back to normal come next week.

Everything seems to be moving nicely with my body as of late. So that's always a good thing for me. I start to get out of sorts when my body isn't functioning as it should. Lord knows there can be enough things on any given day to make me feel out of sorts. Let's at least start off with a good frame work.

I went through my steno last night and typed up all the writing I can use. I had notes and scenes for White Wishes, notes and scenes for a chick lit novel, notes for my Dream weavers novel, notes for my graphic novel, notes to keep me centred, and a personal essay. I had other stuff that I already used or rewrote. I wrote an experimental piece that I don't wish to share on my blogs. It's a mix of an internal dialogue mixed in with to do lists that could be the beginnings of a longer piece but also stands on its own. We'll see what I can do with it. If I can find a place to submit it to.

I realized that I was confusing myself trying to update my counter of my 1000 hours and words. I just can't update it daily because I forget what day I'm up to and have to go back to all the sheets and recount everything. So I'll have to update it on a weekly basis instead which makes more sense anyway.

Well it's 5:30am and I'd like to do a little Pilates before I bathe and make my smoothie and stuff.
Don't know if I'll blog about the date so don't expect any updates on that. I already haven't blogged about beautiful eyes and his distinct confusion causing behaviour of last Friday. I just don't want to give my focus to strange and confusing men anymore. I've got way too much writing I want to do and I don't do strange and confusing anymore. No good can come from it.

EY