What Price, this friendship?
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
11:45am Saturday 3Feb07

Went out for a couple drinks last night with Hy and JoJo. It's Hy's birthday tomorrow. Hy told us about his best friend's boyfriend who doesn't like Hy and treats Hy like a piece of crap at every possible turn. The boyfriend says that Hy lives a messy life. The pot calling the kettle black, of course. Or living in glass houses may be more apt.

I was feeling outraged by the whole situation and kept trying to impress upon him that at some point that energy is detrimental. Of course Hy's focus is on his best friend and maintaining a very important relationship but how long do you maintain something with no signs of reciprocation? When your friend has been single for a long time and then finds the person of his/her dreams and your relationship some how doesn't fit anymore, how long do you try to hold it together?

People that fall in love are so funny. I never did get the people that insist that the only time you can see them is with their significant others. Is true love really about being joined at the hip? And when your significant other doesn't like your best friend or vice versa why couldn't you hang out with your best friend sans significant other?

I had a close girlfriend that finally met her soul match. I went out with the two of them to some bar that he and a bunch of other jazz performers were jamming at. He seemed nice enough but had already rubbed me the wrong way when he said, "The last time I saw you, you had blonde hair, right?"
Ahh no. Don't dye my hair. And my girl friend had so few black girlfriends (I was her only black girlfriend) that it really wasn't like he could confuse me with any one else. Okay, I thought, maybe I was being too harsh.

After he'd finished performing, he came back to our table and announced that friends were going to join us and he was going to separate my GF and I and sit on the empty stool between us.
I thought, "Separate us? What are we in fucking English disrupting the class?"
I said, "Oh no no, she's the only person I know here. There's an empty seat beside her over there. Go sit over there."

Once she was involved with him, there was no seeing her without him and she got that air of pity that I hadn't found a wonderful guy just like hers. How wonderful is a relationship that vastly changes your personality?

Hy is much stronger or more stubborn than I. If I'm not good enough anymore because my friend's significant other deems it then so be it. Obviously we can't love everyone that our friends love but that's the point in balancing our lives isn't it? You don't invite a bunch of people that you know hate each other to a dinner party with the expectation of fun times and you don't let your best friend fall by the wayside simply because you're getting fucked regularly.

But what the heck do I know?

EY

Perception
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 6:02pm 1Feb07

A new month and new energy. I wonder what the tone or theme will be for the month. Nothing specific has peeked out so far. Of course last month it wasn't until toward the tail end when the month became about finding out how others perceive me. In one of my rant sessions, a girlfriend of mine said, "it's because we look so young for our age that people have these wild perceptions of us."

She said that people think that we're out at parties every other night and that we're slutting around and that we most likely act improper despite being able to hide that aspect of ourselves on a daily basis. Of course it's also about our mouths. Because we speak up and give opinions it somehow translates to being out of control. Interesting.
Well, someone forgot to notify my sex life that I'm a tramp. Here, I've been thinking that it's easy to live like a nun while the outside world thinks I'm doing the football team!

You almost need to get into a good argument with someone every once in awhile just to find out what they are really thinking. I had a fight with a friend about a year ago. Our first and only fight. I complained that I was tired of being nice about being stuck with a couple of his women friends who I'd said from day one that I couldn't stand. I'd even gone so far as asking who was invited whenever he'd invited me over so I could avoid them. He'd miraculously forget to mention either of their names every single time. I'd show up and one of them and sometimes both of them would be there.

He told me that it wasn't his problem that I was intimidated by strong women. It still makes me laugh actually (especially since all my girlfriends are strong women). I had to enlighten him to the fact that I would never say anything rude to anyone he invited to his house because I was in his house and I was grateful for being invited. It had nothing to do with being intimidated by them, it had to do with manners. There are certain things you don't do in other peoples homes, that's what my mother ingrained in me anyway. Was she wrong? I don't think so. Who knew that my manners were perceived as being intimidated.

Today, I eyed one of the taxi chit policemen with suspicion. As I still focus on how he perceives me, when I had no clue that was how he saw me, I find that I have no trust for him anymore. I silently ask, "if you think I could be ripping you off, what are you doing?"

The one thing I said to my ex boyfriend in my early twenties when he said that he couldn't trust women (which obviously included me) was, "a man that can't trust, can't be trusted."
That comment scalded him. He'd mentioned it numerous times, said it really bothered him. "Just because I can't trust doesn't mean I'm not trustworthy," he said.

But it's true. You have to give what you want to receive. If you want respect, you have to give respect. If you want trust, you have to give trust. And once the bond has been broken, I don't know if you can get it back.

I don't go to my friend's house anymore for dinner, no matter who he invites. I don't believe anything my ex says, when he tells me how much he's changed and got his shit to gether. I can't find it in me to believe in any interaction with the taxi chit guy.

And having an idea of what they think about me makes me realize that I actually don't care. I have no motivation to try to change their minds about me.

EY

Lovely Day!
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Wednesday 3:46pm 31Jan07

I've been enjoying a lovely day at home. I took the day off because I had a dentist appointment this morning and since I'm such a chicken (hate going to the dentist) I book the whole day off just in case. I lucked out and got a young dental assistant and she was super gentle and kept checking in with me to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack or something. ha ha! The best part is that I only go to get my teeth cleaned. If I had to get real work done I'd probably have a heart attack.

Came straight home with the goal to attack a little more clutter within my apartment walls. Tis the never ending battle. I sorted through some of my binders and discovered that I have so many writing articles that I could start a self study writing program just based on the articles. I re-organized and purged the duplicates and labeled my home study course and placed those binders on the book case that has all the binders of my novels in progress.

Been listening to my many Cd's of Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer which was not only enjoyable but is solidifying some of my ideas for my Dream weavers series that will be geared towards kids and have concepts of quantum physics and dreams in it.

When I saw that Sidney Sheldon had died I thought, "Again! I thought he was already dead!" But realized I was confusing him with Harold Robbins. Harold was my author of choice from the time I was 13 years old in to my late teens. I loved him because he was heavy on smut. Where Danielle Steele was all about love and tragedy (she was my author prior to Harold), Harold was all about edge and scandal being racy. I'd read a boatload of his stuff before my step dad noticed that I was reading 79 Park Avenue which was about prostitution.
Step dad says to my mom, "Have you noticed what she is reading?" with outrage in his voice.
I'm looking at him with that "you're an idiot" expression.
I think it was my mother that said as she shrugged her shoulders, "She's read all his other books."
The only reason why he knew what was in the novel was because it was a mini series otherwise he wouldn't have had a clue. OMG! Lesley Anne Warren played a pro! I loved her.

It's so weird though because somehow I remember Sidney Sheldon's books being in the same time frame. But I did read most of his books too. Wow! 12 to 15 rewrites! Writing is re-writing!
RIP Sidney Sheldon.

EY

Sidney Sheldon
Topic: Writers in the News
Author Sidney Sheldon dies at 89
By BOB THOMAS, Associated Press Writer 39 minutes ago
Sidney Sheldon, who won awards in three careers — Broadway theater, movies and television — then at age 50 turned to writing best-selling novels about stalwart women who triumph in a hostile world of ruthless men, has died. He was 89.

Sheldon died Tuesday afternoon of complications from pneumonia at Eisenhower Medical Center in Rancho Mirage, said Warren Cowan, his publicist of more than 25 years. His wife, Alexandra, was by his side.

"I've lost a longtime and dear friend," Cowan said. "In all my years in this business, I've never heard an unkind word said about him."

Sheldon's books, with titles such as "Rage of Angels," "The Other Side of Midnight," "Master of the Game" and "If Tomorrow Comes," provided his greatest fame. They were cleverly plotted, with a high degree of suspense and sensuality and a device to keep the reader turning pages.

"I try to write my books so the reader can't put them down," he explained in a 1982 interview. "I try to construct them so when the reader gets to the end of a chapter, he or she has to read just one more chapter. It's the technique of the old Saturday afternoon serial: leave the guy hanging on the edge of the cliff at the end of the chapter."

Analyzing why so many women bought his books, he commented: "I like to write about women who are talented and capable, but most important, retain their femininity. Women have tremendous power — their femininity, because men can't do without it."

Sheldon was obviously not aiming at highbrow critics, whose reviews of his books were generally disparaging. He remained undeterred, promoting the novels and himself with genial fervor. A big, cheerful man, he bragged about his work habits.

Unlike other novelists who toiled over typewriters or computers, he dictated 50 pages a day to a secretary or a tape machine. He corrected the pages the following day, continuing the routine until he had 1,200 to 1,500 pages.

"Then I do a complete rewrite_ 12 to 15 times," he said. "I spend a whole year rewriting."

Several of his novels became television miniseries, often with the author as producer.

Sheldon began writing as a youngster in Chicago, where he was born Feb. 17, 1917. At 10, he made his first sale: $10 for a poem. During the Depression, he worked at a variety of jobs, attended Northwestern University and contributed short plays to drama groups.

At 17, he decided to try his luck in Hollywood. The only job he could find was as a reader of prospective film material at Universal Studio for $22 a week. At night he wrote his own screenplays and sold one, "South of Panama," to the studio for $250.

During World War II, he served as a pilot in the Army Air Corps. In the New York theater after the war he established his reputation as a prolific writer. At one time he had three musicals on Broadway: a rewritten "The Merry Widow," "Jackpot" and "Dream with Music." He received a Tony award as one of the writers of the Gwen Verdon hit "Redhead." His Broadway success brought about his return to Hollywood.

His first assignment, "The Bachelor and the Bobbysoxer," starring Cary Grant, Myrna Loy and Shirley Temple, brought him the Academy Award for best original screenplay of 1947.

While under contract to MGM, he recalled in 1982, "I worked like hell and I never stopped. Dore Schary (then production head) one day looked at a list of MGM projects. I had written eight of them, more than three other writers put together. That afternoon, he made me a producer."

With the movie business hurting because of television's popularity, Sheldon decided to try the new medium.

"I suppose I needed money," he remembered. "I met Patty Duke one day at lunch. So I produced 'The Patty Duke Show' (in which she played two cousins), and I did something nobody else in TV ever did. For seven years, I wrote almost every single episode of the series."

Another series, "Nancy," lasted only a half-season, but "I Dream of Jeannie," which he also created and produced, lasted five seasons, 1965-1970. The show concerned an astronaut, Larry Hagman, who lands on a desert island and discovers a bottle containing a beautiful, 2,000-year-old genie, played by Barbara Eden. She accompanies him back to Florida and eventually marries her.

"During the last year of 'I Dream of Jeannie,' I decided to try a novel," he said in 1982. "Each morning from 9 until noon, I had a secretary at the studio take all calls. I mean every single call. I wrote each morning — or rather, dictated — and then I faced the TV business."

The result was "The Naked Face," which was scorned by book reviewers and sold 21,000 copies in hardcover. The novel found a mass market in paperback, reportedly selling 3.1 million. Thereafter Sheldon became a habitue of best-seller lists, often reigning on top.

Sheldon prided himself on the authenticity of his novels. He remarked in 1987: "If I write about a place, I have been there. If I write about a meal in Indonesia, I have eaten there in that restaurant. I don't think you can fool the reader."

For "Windmills of the Mind," which dealt with the CIA, he interviewed former CIA chief Richard Helms, traveled to Argentina and Romania, and spent a week in Junction City, Kan., where the heroine had lived.

Having won a Tony, an Oscar and an Emmy (for "I Dream of Jeannie"), Sheldon declared that his final medium was the best.

"I love writing books," he commented. "Movies are a collaborative medium, and everyone is second-guessing you. When you do a novel you're on your own. It's a freedom that doesn't exist in any other medium."



___

Associated Press writer Daisy Nguyen in Los Angeles contributed to this report.

Copyright ? 2007 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

A Little Slow
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 7:36pm 30Jan07

Moving slow. There's something about knowing I have a day off that makes me move slow (Lolo, forgot to tell you). I should be making better use of my time but it never quite works out that way. What is up with that? Outright stupidness.

But I'm sitting at my desk now.
After day one of absolutely no refined sugar, I didn't start yawning until 4pm a major change from the norm. Usually I'm yawning all day.

I had the boys leaning forward at lunch today regaling them with tales from my past. What it was like visiting my older half-brother in prison. The sound of the gates slamming closed as my mom and I passed through each secure spot. The amount of time sitting and waiting before we got to see his face. Feeling strange with my inability to relate to someone who was imprisoned. Wacky. And the stories of my step father. How I wished that he would get killed during a prison riot when he was in prison for a year. How that was the happiest year of my life since he'd been with my mother.

It's so weird to look back at the experiences as if I'm telling a story about someone else, I'm so far removed from it now. It's so weird to remember that my life used to be anything but normal. That I used to be scared most nights and I didn't know what the future would hold or worse yet, the possibility of a future.

I'm not sure what brought up the memories today. Who knows really what brings up stuff like that. It certainly isn't something I want to forget. It's what has given me my strength and my cautious attitude. It's what makes me look inside myself to question my reactions to certain situations. It's what ultimately makes me write. Even if I'm a little slow about it.

EY