Warrior Woman says
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Saturday 7:41am 31Mar07

Never did get out for another walk last night. I was communing with Warrior Woman. ha ha! I realize that I probably sound like a whack job with half the things I write about but of course if you are writing to live (the title of my blog) you almost have to be a character in your own life. You have to pay attention to the energy of things as much as the tangibles. I like looking at the months as zodiac signs to get a different feel for them. Yeah it's spring but I don't see spring until I see flowers and the weather is a certain kind of mild. There is always a delay in feeling a season because they aren't so cut and dried. There can and often is still snow on the ground when it's the first day of spring. Autumn can be more like winter long before the first day of winter and so on.

Anyway, I was communing with Warrior Woman last night. I prepared my equivalent of war paint which is changing my hair (since I don't wear make up). I shaved all of my hair, what was left of it, completely off. Yep, I'm bald. I forgot how wonderful it feels to rub my stubbly head. It's been so long since I've gone down to the bone as someone once called it. Looking at myself was a little scary of course because I know I'll have to endure the shocked comments and questions and expected explanations but I love the change. It doesn't get easier than this and I have a nice shaped head to boot.

In my steno last night I wrote Warrior Woman says then looked at all the situations that have been swirling around and wrote as if Warrior Woman were giving her take on everything. Some insightful stuff came out. It's a great writing exercise to use with your characters. Especially if you can write with both hands. Use your dominant hand (I'm right handed) as the interviewer and write the questions out. Then reply with your non dominant hand as the character. It's very cool. Because you have to concentrate so much on shaping the letters when you write with your non dominant hand it's like your brain gets into this other zone and what you write could well be from your character.

The original exercise is in a book called The Power of Your Other Hand by Lucia Cappachione. Her exercise has you using your dominant hand as yourself now and your non dominant hand as your younger self and going back to have your now self converse with your younger self.

With the use of the Warrior Woman persona it's taken my mind off the fuckery and/or taking it on with renewed energy and since it's a full moon on Monday Warrior Woman energy may be exactly what's needed.

I started my morning with finding the kitty litter all over the floor in the bathroom and beyond. Zelda has some crazy condition that makes her rip open bags and she ripped the clean litter completely out of the bag. I had to sweep it all up and put it in a bin so she can't get at it anymore. Such a brat!

Got to get out and get smoothie ingredients and beet juice ingredients and go see my herb guy for more essential oils. I'm out of lavender and may also get juniper.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

EY

Warrior Woman
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
9:22pm Friday 30Mar07

I just got back from my walk. I needed to get out there to blow off some steam and to build up my steps for the day. Got to 18459 steps. Would like to build them past 20,000 so I may go back out again.

As I walked up the four flights of stairs to my apartment (still trying to not use the elevator) my thoughts flicked through the last full week. I realized that the blackout on Saturday kind of started this weird ass energy. And that we were already in Aries. Great, is this what Aries is going to do to me? Saturday was the blackout, Monday was the no computer access, Tuesday was the fight, Wednesday was the fight residue, Thursday was the reconciliation and a major laugh, and today was a 'you weren't invited' energy experience that I don't wish to discuss. Because really, after a week like that why complain anymore?

As I slipped my keys into my apartment door I thought, it may be time to pull out Warrior Woman. When I was getting into running, long before I knew the pain in my feet was arthritis, I would go out around 5am and walk fast then wog (Walk/jog) and then run. When the pain would start to hit and I'd want to give up, I came up with this question for myself to keep running. Am I a warrior woman? I'd asked the question and keep running and reply, "Yes I am!" It was kind of silly but it kept me going. It was a declaration that I was physically tough and I could run through the pain.

So Warrior Woman is being pulled off the shelf for the month of Aries since Aries is looking like a bitch and a half or maybe a prick. Not sure if the energy is feminine or masculine. I think masculine since it's been about men in some way or form. Okay so Aries is a prick. Except for my best friend, let's be clear.

But yes Warrior Woman is my mirror image like Jessica and Nikki of Heroes. A physically tough, kick ass, ball breaker who doesn't stop over a little pain. She has a plan and follows it to the letter. In keeping with Warrior Woman it may be time for an appearance change. Plus I feel like it. Tomorrow is my quit smoking date. The day before April Fool's. And as long as it's not wet outside, I need to get those Rollerblades dusted and put em on and move for a couple hours. Yep! Warrior Woman is back.

EY

The Universe is telling me something
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
5:24pm Friday 30Mar07

It's funny that I always think that the universe is guiding me to do different things. Especially when things aren't great I always feel like it's the Universe guiding me to write. Too bad I can't always just keep my focus. It's so easy to get caught up in the distractions of life. Weird behaviors, parties, food, strange dreams that make me wonder, what the heck?

Tonight I plan to spend my time listening to the Universe. I've got one more week of getting out more than normal and then I fall into the long weekend without any plans and not looking to make any.

When I am sitting down at home, I've been reading through my copious notes and scenes and chapters of White Wishes. I've been plunking pieces into appropriate chapters. Using nuggets of my writing as jumping off spots to write more and marking up my hard copies so I know what's what. It's been a slow process but really enjoyable. So that's the ticket for this weekend and every day after April 5th.

The thing about goals I realize is that I fall off and get distracted but as long as I keep jumping back on them they will get realized eventually. I may have to keep reminding myself every once in awhile to regain my focus but that's just the way it is. It's ragged but I'll get it.

Oh yeah and try to remind myself not to let anger be my only motivator.

EY

It takes a big man
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 6:58pm 29Mar07

Saw Nat'lie and she said her wedding day was beautiful. I'm so far removed from contemplating marriage never mind a serious relationship. Is that ever really going to be a possibility in my life? I have moments when I can wrap my head around it but mostly no. It's not like I don't want to marry, it's just that the thought of meeting someone that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with other than my best friend ... Maybe I would be married if I hadn't been so focused on the rest of my life.

Both Lolo and Frogs Legs leave me on April 5th. It should prove interesting and painful. Oh yes folks, more pain for me!

It takes a big man to come right out and say... So I got to work today and the object of my anger said, "Shelley, we need to talk!"
I said, "Why?"
"Because I can't go another day without talking to you and you are too much of a friend to me for me to go another day where we ignore each other. "
He told his significant other last night when he got home, "This isn't right. I can't go to work and not talk to Shelley."
The bulk of my anger and subsequent writing off of this person was that I knew that I had been a good friend to him. I was willing to stubbornly never speak to him again because I was acting from the stance of someone who has been a compassionate friend and who has given her love as a genuine friend. And if you can't see that then fuck you.
He said, "I'm off tomorrow and the thought of going through the weekend thinking that you're still mad at me is simply unbearable."

So the war is over. I'm glad. I'm glad that someone has recognized the value of friendship because that doesn't always happen. I know because I've been the friend to many people who have fucked me over. Change of tide? Today at least.

I was stubborn because I believed that if a person couldn't see my value there was no need to have that person in my life anymore.

My buddy Ado won a spirit of service award at our quarterly meeting. It was about time and much deserved. And my son, Nelson (his mother would be the same age as me if she were still alive) also won a Spirit of Service award. It was nice to see deserving people actually win for a change.

Dropped by the bar for one of the boobsy twins birthday. Had a quick drink and am now happily home. Nelly was trying to coerce me into more drinks because I said that I was at that point where I could just go home or have another drink and party like it's 1999 all over again. I deeked out before another drink was placed in my face. Gotta love those people who want you to stay and get your ass into trouble. Gotta love that I'm more responsible than people would expect.

I've got shit to do like write and work out and quit smoking which I'm planning to do this weekend.

Let's hope that person shows up soon. What with Frogs legs leaving and Lolo going far far away. You see this is why I don't get involved with people at work, when they leave I'm a lonely little girl fish!
A lonely little girlfish!
EY

One Makes the Difference
Topic: Quote
"Our ability to change the world lies in our hands, minds, hearts,
bodies, and spirits ~ committed in action.

It's not only that we can make a difference,
it's that we do make the difference.
The kind of change we make is up to us.
Each and every one of us has the power to heal or to hurt,
to be the hero or the destroyer ~
with every moment, with every breath of every day".

~ Julia Butterfly Hill, from One Makes the Difference