Reading Interruptus
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 5:45pm 3May07

I left work yesterday and walked down to pick up my tickets for last night's reading plus the next readings for the month of May and June. I had an hour to kill still before the reading started so I decided I'd go for a walk. Decided I'd go wherever my legs took me. My legs took me home. ha ha! So I never did catch the reading. It was on travel writers and so far that hasn't become an interest. Maybe when I actually start traveling I'll be interested in finding out how other writers write about it. Right now the thought just depresses me and reminds me that I don't get a chance to travel.

Too tired last night and this morning to pick a tarot card but yesterday morning's card was the 9 of Swords. Something bugging me, keeping me awake at night? Not really but I've been darn tired. Mind you there is still that one person that I can't seem to peg. Can't totally figure him out and it may be time to let that all go. Sometimes the best thing to do is to let go and let the meaning come to you when you least expect it. But my thoughts of him haven't been keeping me awake at night. So that's my story on the 9 of Swords for now anyway.

An interesting journal to start would be a moon journal. When I read the in depth horoscopes like Susan Miller's it will often mention an upcoming Full moon or eclipse or something and reference one from four years ago or last month and say that whatever issue you were dealing with on the previous one will surface on this one. Who ever remembers what the issues were from yesterday never mind four full moons ago? So it would be interesting to map them and see. At the very least it would be interesting to create a character who keeps such a journal. Yesterday was the full moon. The only issue that crept up was the continuation of feeling frustrated by those select people who take too much of my energy. Feeling like I've reached my limit and my patience has been saturated. I did write about it last night while eating my chicken wings before the Reading Interruptus. Yesterday's full moon was in Scorpio.

Ha ha! But as I go back to look at the sheet on the 9 of swords I see - feeling you've reached your limits. Hmm. I pegged that with the full moon only. I love this shit!

My brain is currently more focused on climbing into bed and hibernating under my electric blanket. It's nice to see sunshine but enough with the cold chill... When's the warmer weather coming? Will we have any luck for May two-four weekend? Please Lord, can't we?

EY & SW

Taking Back What Belongs To Me
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 1May07 5:30pm

I had a Calgon take me away moment. Jumped into a bubble bath the moment I walked in the door. It was one of those kind of days.

I pulled the 7 of Swords from the Universal Waite deck this morning. My immediate thought is that the guy/joker (he looks like a joker) is stealing 5 of the 7 swords while the others have their backs turned. The booklet has: new plans, wishes, fortitude, perseverance, endeavor, hope, confidence, fantasy, partial success.

None of that really resonated with me. Today I harassed a contractor. We had a tenant that needed something taken care of since last Thursday and the contractor just didn't do it. I flipped this morning when I found out. I left a heated message on his voice mail so much so that he refused to return any of my calls because as I was told, he was scared of me. I emailed him every 15 minutes, "Is it done yet? Are they here yet? What time will they be here?" It was a pretty stressful situation and how I managed to deal with four irate employees of the tenant without any one of them ever yelling at me is beyond me. I don't even know how I did it except that they knew that I was equally as pissed. The job was finally done six hours later with the contractor being very clear that I won't be calling him anytime soon to pass on some work. We have enough of that kind of work that it will affect his livelihood.

Needless to say I needed the bubble bath to cleanse the anger off my body. To take care of myself first. To take back what belongs to me. As I did some deep breathing in the bath I wondered, what if the joker is actually taking back the swords that were stolen from him? He didn't take them all, he only took what belonged to him.

Which somehow brings me to compassion. Today, two of the people who unload their problems on me made that attempt to unload. I couldn't do it. I listened in such a way that I wasn't giving my undivided attention like I normally do. I offered a suggestion to one of the people and when I realized that he had ten reasons why that couldn't possibly work I thought, "If you're not looking for solutions, I can't help you." I see now that I didn't give away all my effort or energy. I didn't put all my focus into the same old same old. I gave two swords and kept five for myself.

Hmm, In my tarot journal I wrote a better description: Compassion vs people who drain you of your mental resources. I gave two swords of compassion and smiling, kept the other five swords to myself. That works.

I went looking on the net for a picture of the card to add and instead found this page Seven of Swords. The funny thing is that I pulled the Hierophant last night from my Thoth deck and it is one of the opposing cards to the Seven of Swords. Where the Seven of Swords can be seen as a Joker shirking his responsibilities and hiding from them (like the contractor) and the Hierophant working with in the group and taking care of what the group needs (like me).

It's so funny that I haven't been looking at my cards to connect with each other. Like my cards of yesterday and the night before, the Ace of swords can be a new beginning in thought with the transformation (end of a cycle) of the death card.

I'm starting to see how I could create some interesting fiction just by pulling some tarot cards and how they can interlock. It's fascinating and inspiring and fun.

EY & SW

Finished Goofing Off?
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Monday 5:54pm 30Apr07

Am I finished goofing off? I think I am. Sometimes it's about doing nothing when you are too much of a do something kind of gal.

I've been feeling my tarot cards calling me, in that I've been thinking about my tarot cards and pulling a pack or two out. I amazed myself when I went through my box to discover how many decks I have. Plus during Nanowrimo I read an article about one of the participants using her tarot cards to guide the direction of her novel. I've always wanted to do that.

Looked around the net for any inspiration and found these links:
Tarot for Creative Writing
Burning Void Tarot 1
Burning Void Tarot 2

There's more but this is a good start.

Of course I was thinking that if I'm going to play with the tarot I need to get back into pulling a card a day to get the feel for them again. It really has been a long time since I've done that. Last night I pulled the Ace of Swords from the Thoth deck and other than knowing that ones or aces are about new beginnings, not too much was coming to my mind.

This morning I pulled a card from the Universal Waite Deck asking, "What does the Universe need me to know today?" The idea I got from Tarot By Arwen. And the writing up part from Corrine Kenner
I pulled the Death card. My immediate thought was the end of a cycle. Surrender, prayer. But end of a cycle was the main thought.
The booklet that comes with the cards read: Out with the old, in with the new. End of a cycle. Change. Surrender

As I dug this afternoon for more meanings transformation came to mind. Transformation. What area of my life am I transforming or would I like to transform? My incident with a man last week has been swirling around my thoughts. I've been laughing quite a bit about it. Laughing at how some men will happily take advantage if the opportunity presents itself and will turn into whiny girls if a woman puts the kibosh on the taking advantage situation. My transformation is that I'm finally figuring men out, some of them anyway. I'm finally getting/ seeing the part I play in certain situations and keeping my own best interests at heart. And the reaction is amusing the heck out of me.

So the death is of the old Shelley. It's pretty thrilling. I'm all about transformation.

I don't know if I'll discuss my card a day here but I may. We'll see how it goes.

EY

Drama
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Thursday 26Apr07 6:14pm

We're in Taurus and it could be drama for Capricorns. It's that doing shit and not thinking there are repercussions. How do you blatantly lie to someone and tell the kind of lie that can be checked up on and then get mad when your ass is caught? I shake my head with awe waiting for the shit to come raining down, wondering if I'll even find out about it. That was one Capricorn.

The second Capricorn involved me in his drama but I let it stay his drama. Cause and effect buddy, cause and effect. Why do some men think they are so cute? They think they can run a game, communicate with passive aggressive flair, then get all shrill and girl like when you shoot them down. No freak, I don't give second chances on stupidity. Sucks to be you.

I did my best impression of the walking dead today. Enjoyed last night fully on the generosity of others. In other words, got drunk for free. Fun times were had, inappropriate conversations went in depth and the ridiculous questions that make you laugh your ass off. It's funny that the picture I chose for my Facebook profile is of me with my head back in laughter. That seems to be my MO for Taurus. That's my expectation anyway.

Currently reading Thunder and Lightning by Natalie Goldberg. It's by far her best book on writing practice. Of course everything is about timing. Sometimes you connect with a book more than others. She gets in depth with how others go from writing practice to completing a large work. Something I need to read, for sure with the crazy binders of White Wishes that I still have yet to wade through.

This weekend the wading begins. I need to read through all the pages first and absorb all the words in my body or my psyche. That will get me somewhere.

Stop hoping, start expecting!

EY

Ain't it Funny
Topic: WC - Daily Practice
Tuesday 5:43pm 24apr07

The big discussion of the morning on Flow Radio was about Akon and the video of him simulating sex with a 14 year old floating around the internet. It seems that he put on a show at a club called Zen in Trinidad and asked some girls to come on stage to win a trip to Africa. It was a trick. The trip to Africa was the simulated mad sex with Akon.

After many comments about it on the radio this morning I went looking for the video. Don't know why I did that, it's really offensive.
He flings the girl around the stage like she's a blow up doll. He simulates screwing her then grabs her legs and holds her with her head down on the stage while he simulates going down on her then flings her around more and more all over the stage as if she's the dirtiest little piece of shit that deserves everything she's getting.

The ensuing comments range from how it's the little girls fault because she made herself look grown and was at a club. She's a preacher's kid and it's her parents fault. Little girls are dressing up like women and fooling brothers. It's cultural and that's how Trini's act at carnival and on and on. Makes me shake my head.

Yeah, I tried to dress like I was older when I was 14 years old and most girls have and do but does that really mean they deserve to be humiliated because they are trying to grow up too fast? Most teens have lied to their parents and said they were going to a friends house and then have gone to a club, does that mean they should be humiliated? Lots of grown folks have jumped at the opportunity to get on stage with their favorite performers, does that mean they are asking to have simulated sex with them and then should shut up about it?

The excuses that people come up with for bad behaviour is unbelievable. Akon looks like the all the worst black Mandingo stereotypes of a black animal with a big member fucking everything that moves. Yeah people may get carried away dancing during Carnival or Jump up or Caribana or whatever you want to call it but it's consenting adults getting carried away. Not some black idiot grabbing onto a 14 year old girl no matter how grown she's dressed fake fucking or dry humping her into submission.

Wow, that people still have the perception that the way a woman is dressed makes her deserving of disrespectful treatment actually astounds me. Rape isn't funny. Being grabbed on and pushed up on because you wear high heels and show some skin isn't acceptable. You'd think a grown man with allegedly three wives, would have some sort of sense.

If wearing high heels and a sexy shirt and going to a club and getting on stage with a performer when you're 14 (or any age for that matter) is the criteria for deserving to be fake fucked on stage, then what is the criteria for deserving to be beat up by a man? Obviously there must be a list. What other lists could there be? If you wear a tank top and you have big tits well, clearly that means that any Tom, Dick or Akon has every right to come up to you and comment on your big tits because you're asking for it. If you weren't you'd wear clothes as baggy as garbage bags.

It's too bad that some of the people in the audience didn't feel ashamed enough to protect her. They should have just booed his skinny black ass off the stage. But instead it seems that the consensus is that she brought it on herself getting on stage in the first place hoping to win a trip to the wrong Africa. Better her than me, seems to be the attitude. Just another R. Kelly tricked by a young looking woman ripe for the taking (or for the pissing on). And could you just imagine how funky he must have smelled? Dirty, nasty, little fucker. He's going to show a girl how to be a woman by dragging her around a dirty stage to cheers from the audience.

As long as as we justify that kind of behaviour from infantile idiots that have no clue about how to do anything bordering on respect to women that kind of shit is going to continually happen. Is anybody mad yet?

EY