A person had some PC software package with the following system requirements: Windows 3.1 or better - so he bought a Mac to use it...
Natural Highs and Lows
Natural High: falling in love
Natural low: falling off a cliff
Natural High: having your 2:00 class cancelled on a beautiful day
Natural Low: having your 2:00 class cancelled because it's the Apocalypse.
High: watching a child do something for the first time
Low: watching a child flick you off for the first time
H: tailgating on a warm Sun. afternoon
L: getting pulled over for tailgating
H: hugging a big teddy bear.
L: hugging a big, sweaty sumo wrestler.
H: catching your favorite TV show.
L: realizing you've wasted your time watching your favorite TV show
H: laughing so hard your face hurts
L: laughing so hard your face contorts and is never the same again
H: orange juice when you're really thirsty
L: orange juice when you just brushed your teeth
H: Birthday cakes
L: Cow pies
H: catching snowflakes on your tongue
L: catching a frozen metal pole on your tongue
High: Horseradish! ('nough said)
CIA Joke
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, but only one position was available. The day came for the final test to see which person would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances" they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man got a shocked look on his face and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife!" "Well", says the CIA man, "You're definitely not the right man for this job then." So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances", they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her, just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job." "No" the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet. The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks! I had to beat him to death with the chair!"
