A Junk Call

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One thing that has always bugged me, and I'm sure it does most of you, is to sit down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating as they were to me. The call was from AT&T and it went something like this:

• Me: Hello
• AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...
• Me: Is this AT&T?
• AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...
• Me: Is this AT&T?
• AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr.. Byron please?
• Me: May I ask who is calling?
• AT&T: This is AT&T.
• Me: OK, hold on.
• --At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinkingthat, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to mysurprise, when I picked up the receiver, they were still waiting.--
• Me: Hello?
• AT&T: Is this Mr.. Byron?
• Me: May I ask who is calling please?
• AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...
• Me: Is this AT&T?
• AT&T: Yes, is this Mr.. Byron?
• Me: Is this the phone company?
• AT&T: Yes sir.
• Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.
• AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.
• Me: I already have a phone.
• AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr.. Byron.
• Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks forcalling.
• --When you are not interested in something, I don't think you canexpress yourself any plainer than by saying
• AT&T: Mr.. Byron we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.
• --Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a
• Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?
• AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yessir that's right! 24 hours a day!
• Me: 7 days a week and 365 days a year?
• AT&T: That's right.
• Me: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!! That's quite a sum of money!
• AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it ads up.
• Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one bigone at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send anannual check, can I get a cash advance?
• AT&T: Excuse me?
• Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 daysa week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per weekand $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will bemaking payment.
• AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10cents a minute.
• Me: Wait a minute here!!! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents aminute. Are you sure this is AT&T?
• AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......
• Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll giveme 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this somekind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like thisin the Enquirer you know. Don't use your
• AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....
• Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please!
• AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.
• Me: I insist on speaking to a supervisor!
• AT&T: Yes Mr.. Byron. Please hold on.
• --So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin toeat while I'm waiting for a supervisor.-- After a wait of a few minutesand while I have a mouth full of food:
• Supervisor: Mr.. Byron?
• Me: Yeth?
• upervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10cents a minute program.
• Me: Id thish Ath Teeth & Teeth?
• Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.
• Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me sothat I could sign up for the plan.
• Supervisor: OK, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person whowas helping you.
• Me: Thank you.
• --Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other endof the phone.--
• AT&T: Hello Mr.. Byron, I understand that you are interested insigning up for our plan?
• Me: Do you have that friends and family thing because you can neverhave enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have alittle brother...
• AT&T: (click) >>