"I've got two minds. One's lost and the other's looking for it."

"The wheel's turning, but the hamster ain't there!"

If you are a vegetarian to be nice to the animals, why are you eating their food?

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a great friend will be there with you.

Make your life an exclamation, not an explanation.

Ask a question and you're a fool for five minutes, don't ask and you're a fool for life.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Why change lanes when there's this nice grassy area in the middle?

What are you talking about officer, there's no blood in my alcohol stream.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those that don't.

I'm not looking at you because you're picking your nose, I'm looking at you because I'm wondering where your going to put the boogers.

Blonde Joke (yes, I know that I'm blonde)

Blonde Joke Three blondes are walking through the forest. They come across some tracks.

The first blonde says, "They're deer tracks."

The second blonde says, "They're bear tracks."

The third blonde says, "They're moose tracks."

Then a train hits them.