1. They don't sing live. You may not think that this is much of a problem, but I am a firm believer that 'real' groups should perform with no tape backing.

2. They promote the idea of women being individuals and standing up for themselves. Of course, the best people to promote this idea is in a group of five.

3. What is 'girl power' anyway? Have you ever heard this concept properly explained?
No, but I've seen them shout it whilst jumping up and down !

4. No, wait ! I forgot ! They are individuals, because they all dress differently !

5. Their video for "Say You'll Be There" won the Brit Award for Best Video, which must mean that it is very original. Have you ever seen a Russ Meyer movie ?

6. Red hair dye is no good. Why is it that natural redheads get teased, and the likes of Geri don't ?

7. Even though 'girl power' is undefined, I would like to think that it doesn't involve being photographed for top-shelf magazines. (Get the hint, Geri ?)

8. Who designed Mel B's hair? Has she ever lived near a nuclear facility ?

9. Despite Mel C's best efforts, track suits will never be popular again, got it ?!?

10. With a little hair work, Mel C and Victoria are interchangeable. I always thought that big name acts should at least look different from each other.

11. In fact, I believe that Victoria, like film animals, is not one person but a number of different actors playing this one role. Have you ever heard her talk or seen her do anything in the videos ?

12. They all lied about their ages. (This isn't libelous, they admitted it recently). If you're going to act like someone else, at least make it unrealistic.

13. Emma. Everyone's favorite Spice. (I've even found an 'Emma is the best Spice Girl' web site.) She's even got the haircut to prove it, and she has claimed to be 18. Isn't child labor illegal ?
Actually, from all the mail I've received, the favorite Spice Girl seems to be Geri. The fans usually claim that "even if you don't like their music, you have to admit that you'd still bone Geri if you had the chance !" (I pray that these emails are from the GUYS !)

14. The Wannabe video (the award-winning one) tried to make us believe that they were being 'anarchists' by running round a hotel while the guests/ actors faked (badly) astonishment, amusement, etc. Who came up with the storyboard for that one, then?
I personally always thought that it looked like it was set in a brothel. And I blame the story board on the same set of monkeys-on-acid that came up with the lyrics for the song.

15. Their 'mums' are in one of their videos.

16. Every time they appear on a TV show, they pretend to 'get off' with the host. It wasn't funny the first time, and certainly not after the thousandth or so.

17. Their miming wouldn't be so intolerable if it was GOOD. On a recent TV show, Geri missed her cue, which led to her party piece of singing without her mouth open.

18. Everyone I know except me likes one of their singles.

19. Their singles are inevitably Number 1 after their first week of release, something that I thought had disappeared with Take That.

20. What is more, their fans tell us ad infinitum that 'they've been Number 1, so they MUST be good.' Oh, yes, logic is clearly at work here, folks.

21. Their rise has led to an argument that I hoped I would never see - the Spice Girls vs Shampoo. Why?

22. The brilliant girl-led indie band Kenickie are always described in the mainstream music press as 'the indie Spice Girls.' Obviously, this is a description coined without having heard their music.

23. 'Old Spice' jokes.

24. They boast about writing their own songs. Yes, they all really did sit down and decide that 'I really, really, really wanna zig-a-zig-ah' was a work of genius.

25. Speaking of which...precisely how many student clubs are being renamed 'Zig-A-Zig-Ah' as you read this ?

26. Mel C - this isn't rumor-mongering, by the way, this is true - mostly likes Liverpool because they have 'lots of good-looking players.' No wonder Liverpool fans (regular ones, that is) feel that most of their players are spending more time modeling than training.

27. They are referred to by their first names, which isn't surprising for a band featuring a 'Chisholm' [Yes, it rhymes with JISM] (Mel C), a 'Halliwell' (Geri) and a 'Bunton' (Emma).

28. Look at Yahoo for the amount of Spice Girls web sites that people have set up. This is one of the few times that Internet users really can be called sad.

29. Just how uncomfortably do they sit together ? The best bands always feature a number of like-minded souls.

30. Despite the evidence, their fans still argue that they aren't a manufactured band. So that newspaper advert in mid-1994 was a hoax, was it ?

31. They proved that dressing for success really works at the 1997 Brit awards, by overshadowing the Manic Street Preachers, the REAL big winners.

32. They like Mrs Thatcher.
That's because she's the "original spice girl" which shows us what women are capable of. Just like the Spice Girls, really. E xcuse me while I'm sick...

33. A recent question in the Commons from one Conservative to a minister about less famous people leaving Britain under the Tories was backed up with the example that 'the Girls' hadn't left. The fact that they formed two years ago, and only the likes of Phil Collins have left recently, seemed to have been forgotten.

34. Someone I know tried to join their fan club, only to be told that it was £12 a year for a quarterly newsletter (as if the radio playing their new singles well in advance of their release wasn't enough to tell you that they have got a new single out soon) and some stickers etc. And it actually says, "Now, to be REAL Spice Girl, please send us £12..." How's that for a rip-off ?

35. Their fans respond to criticism like this by saying either 'Ha ! Your favorites haven't been No.1 in 186 countries !' or 'They've got talent, so shut up and accept their brilliance !'

36. Their fans, PERIOD. Always sending annoying emails, which I love to read, but WHY must they type in all CAPS ?? Example: 'YOU SUCK !!!!! SPICE GIRLS RULE !!!!!!!!!! Also note the annoying overuse of exclamation points. And they make a million typos, Okay, folks, can you say illiteracy ? Wait, try spelling it, actually...