Once you have been diagnosed with FMS, you think to yourself, "Now what?" The doctor has given his 'wise' advice, "Just learn to live with it!" He/she acts like living with FMS is no big deal. But it is like starting on a trip with no idea of where you are going or how to get there. We feel like we've been set adrift in a boat with no oars, sail, or motor, heading in who knows what direction.

Deep down in each of us lies the answer we need. Some where in the inner most part of our being is a source of STRENGTH we must get in touch with somehow. Our first reaction to our diagnosis of FMS is relief that finally we have a name to what we've been going through. After trying every conceivable type of medication in hopes they would be the 'magic pill', we often become very discouraged and disappointed at the lack of relief we have received, the lack of support from doctors and family, and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness at our plight.

We now realize that FMS can not be cured by medications. But the good news is that we can get better. By reaching down in the center of our soul and gathering all the strength we can muster, we are making an honest commitment to do all we can do to help ourselves. This is our first step. I have found that the FMS people I know are very strong and determined, yet sometimes we don't realize our own strength.

Whether you believe in God, the Creator of the Universe, the Trinity, Buddha or the divine energy of life, that inner power is the only power in charge of our life, mind and spirit. This power gives us faith and hope in ourselves. It gives us the courage we didn't think we possessed. It is who we cry out to in the middle of the night when the pain has become unbearable. We need to embrace this power, accept it and allow this energy to guide and direct our lives so we can once again have our peace and happiness. We also need to believe in ourselves regardless of life circumstances. People who believe in themselves are much happier, more satisfied and have a calmer outlook on life.

FMS is directly related to the life styles we lead. We, as women, are known to be 'perfectionists' in our everyday living. We become 'Super Women' who try to do it all; PTA meetings, immaculately polished homes, demanding careers, children and their countless activities and most times, a spouse. Haven't we ever heard of "SHARING" our tasks? Didn't we learn to share in kindergarten?

In order to 'fix' our situation we are going to have to learn to PLAN our activities, chores and special events. We need to PRIORITIZE these activities in order of importance. Fixing food is importance, making sure the bath towels are all folded the right way, isn't.

Most importantly we need to learn to PACE yourself. You can't burn the candle at both ends every day without consequences. If you work full time, don't do a full time job of housecleaning when you get home. Remember, dust doesn't worry about you, so don't worry about dust. Declutter your house, put knick-knacks in a box in the closet so they aren't collecting dust and bothering you.

Learn to DELEGATE some chores that would take too much of your precious energy. Washing windows is an example, give the job to your spouse or hire someone to do them. If your job is too stressful, see if you can talk with your boss about rearranging you workload or take a leave of absence. Don't always be so stoic, allow others to help if they offer.

FMS is not the life sentence some people will have you believe. We still need to set goals for our lives, even though it may be more of a challenge to reach these goals. These goals are attainable. One goal should be to regain our 'old' life or better yet, turn the 'old' life into something new and more rewarding. I worked as a hairstylist for 30 years. I can not work the 8-10 hours a day, six days a week, like I used to do. I have gone through the grieving process about losing my ability to work. Now I am focusing on something I've always want to do but never had the time, that is, writing. I've taken a writing course and graduated. I recently finished a children's story and submitted it for publication. I've written several articles for our local newspaper, and a mental health newsletter. I went to college at 48! Not so easy especially in a classroom full of 'still wet behind the ears' kids who can learn so very quickly and me fighting fibrofog!

Set your own goals. If getting enough sleep is your goal, then do everything you can do to achieve a good sleep pattern. Study how and when you sleep. Make a list of your after supper activities. Are you setting aside time just for yourself to unwind before bed or are you going full steam until lights out?

Do the activities for tomorrow spin around in your head like the clothes in the washer, while you are trying to go to sleep? Then make a list of those activities the night before and then forget about them until the morning.

Avoid caffeine and late night snacks. Try a hot soaking bath before bed. Listen to relaxation tapes in bed. Maintain a regular bedtime in order to reset your internal clock. Sleep is not just a time for rest but it is your body's time to release certain hormones that are important not only for sleep but also for the repair of tissues in our body. If our sleep is not good we will feel fatigued and drag all day long. It may be necessary to use sleep medication to help your body to learn to go to sleep.

What has this to do with dealing with FMS? Most all FMS people feel very GUILTY about their fibromyalgia. They feel guilty for being in pain, for being tired, grouchy, for not being able to do everything for everyone. Guess What? We did not do anything to 'get' this FMS so why do we feel guilty? It's OK to let other people do the things you always did. The world will not come to an end if we have to say 'NO' to an activity.

This guilt we feel is like a whirlpool and it can be very destructive if we don't pull ourselves out of the downward spiral. At one point in my 'guilty phase', I even felt responsible for world problems because I felt I should have done something! LET'S GET REAL! I have enough problems to worry about without adding someone else's problems to my list.

I forgave myself for being caught in the whirlpool. I realize I did not cause FMS, but I have FMS. I forgive myself when the beds aren't always made, the dishes are still in the sink, the laundry is in the dryer and the dust bunnies are having a heyday playing under my bed! I have stopped putting so much pressure on myself and I feel better.

I still have all the problems associated with FMS that you are now struggling with, but I have begun to learn to live my life inspite of FMS. I am still the caring, funny, intelligent, loving mother and grandmother I used to be. I still live as active a life as I can, with modifications. I have stopped torturing myself about what I 'USED' to be able to do. I still have really bad flares with FMS but I realize I do get through them and can once more resume my life. I am learning what my limitations are (this has been the hardest part for this 'superwoman'). I am learning my precious energy level is limited and I need to stop doing things before I run out of energy. I am setting new goals, realistic goals for myself. I AM IN CHARGE OF MY FMS; THE FMS IS NOT IN CHARGE OF MY LIFE.