I will not waste chalk

I will not aim for the head

I will not skateboard in the halls

I will not barf unless I'm sick

I will not burp in class

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

I will not instigate revolution

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge

I will not conduct my own fire drills

I did not see Elvis

I will return the seeing-eye dog

Funny noises are not funny

I will not call my teacher `Hot Cakes'

Garlic gum is not funny

I will not fake seizures

They are laughing at me, not with me

This punishment is not boring and meaningless

I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom

My name is not Dr. Death

I will not encourage others to fly

I will not defame New Orleans

I will not fake my way through life

I will not prescribe medication

Tar is not a plaything

I will not bury the new kid

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not teach others to fly

It's potato, not potatoe

I will not bring sheep to class

I will not trade pants with others

A burp is not an answer

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy

I am not a 32 year old woman

Teacher is not a leper

I will not do that thing with my tongue

Coffee is not for kids

I will not drive the principal's car

I will not eat things for money

I will not pledge allegiance to Bart

I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call

I will not sell school property

The principal's toupee is not a frisbee

I will not cut corners

I will not squeak chalk

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I will not charge admission to the bathroom

I will not get very far with this attitude

Goldfish don't bounce

I will not make flatulent noises in class

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups

I will not belch the National Anthem

No one is interested in my underpants

I will not sell land in Florida

I will not sell miracle cures

I will not grease the monkey bars

Underwear should be worn on the inside

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment

The Christmas pageant does not stink

I will not do anything bad ever again

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not show off

I will not call the principal "spud head"

I will not carve gods

I will not sleep through my education

I will not spank others

I am not a dentist

I will not bribe Principal Skinner

Spitwads are not free speech

Nobody likes sunburn slappers

"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender

High explosives and school don't mix

Hamsters cannot fly

All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy

I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers

My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle

Organ transplants are best left to the professionals

I will not send lard through the mail

I will not use abbrev.

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun

Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal

Indian burns are not our cultural heritage

There are plenty of businesses like show business

I will not dissect things unless instructed

I will not hang donuts on my person

No one wants to hear my armpits

I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones

I will not strut around like I own the place

Next time it could be me on the scaffolding

The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far

I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist

I am not a lean mean spitting machine

The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan

I will not whittle hall passes out of soap

Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things

I do not have power of attorney over first graders

I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr

I am not certified to remove asbestos

"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice

I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball

I will remember to take my medication

The boys room is not a water park

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

Nerve gas is not a toy

"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism

The First Amendment does not cover burping

Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough

Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does

I will not draw naked ladies in class

I will finish what I sta

I will not spin the turtle

I will not snap bras

I will never win an Emmy

I am not delightfully saucy

This is not a clue...or is it?

I will not complain about the solution when I hear it

I will only do this once a year

I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten

I am not my long-lost twin

The truth is not out there

I am not licensed to do anything

I will not hide the teacher's Prozac

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