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PAW's first ever supercard, Gettin' Hectic '99, started off with a bang from T.S. Aggressor's Makeshift Arena. Such a bang in fact that it scared Mike Brown. Nate Merz filled in those people who didn't see the countdown show of the changes to the card. For those who weren't up on their info, the new card was to run as follows:

Mystery Samurai vs. John Cochrane's new Gelding
Vicious (possibly with the missing Nutritious?) vs. Bobtown Brawlers
"American Studd" John Cochrane vs. Takatsuka Michinoku
"No Gimmicks Needed" Justin Ebner vs. Trailer Park Superstar
"Rampage" Ric Douglas vs. Apocalypse
The winner to face Atomic Dawg
"American Studd" John Cochrane informed us that his new Gelding was named Mr. Dencklau, and that Dencklau would tear up Mystery Samurai, because that's what a real Gelding would do.

Mr. Dencklau def. the Mystery Samurai
Nate Merz' newly appointed referee, Leif Hamilton, was making his debut on the supercard in this match.
OK, we're all in on the joke, right? So, the match started off in typical Gelding fashion, with Denck offering the handshake and kicking Samurai in the...knee. Samurai was "irish whipped" into the ropes, but Sammy came back with a Boise-style dropkick with the hip to the shoulder of the bent-over Denck. After some more classic mat wrestling, the Studd's newest charge hit three of the most god-awful suplexes in the history of our beloved sport. The third, a warm embrace with the Samurai followed up by falling backward onto his ass, is now lovingly known as the Denckplex, as I don't think any other performer could botch that move so terribly. Anyway, the match ended mercifully as the Studd and Atomic Dawg, who made their residence in the ring, hit Samurai with a briefcase so Denck could score the pinfall.

Vicious let us know that he couldn't find his partner...Lab Eetgam. He also didn't know the whereabouts of Nutritious, but although he would be alone, he would have some surprises for the BTB's.

PAW World Tag Team Titles
The Bobtown Brawlers def. Vicious (w/special tag team partner T.S. Aggressor) after pinning T.S.
Vicious presented T.S.Aggressor, the proprietor of the arena holding Gettin' Hectic '99. He looked to be in fighting shape, despite farting and carrying around a 40. He nailed "Mean" Matt with a picture perfect legdrop before tagging out to Vicious. Vicious traded offense with the Brawlers, which included a tornado DDT from Vicious to BTB, a fisherman's buster by BTB, and the new Hydro-Electric Hurt applied by "Mean" Matt. After just some brutal action, including plenty of holds and counterholds, Vicious was able to make the tag to T.S., who put his beer down long enough to...get headscissored and hit in the face with a cookie sheet by...KENNY BACKWASH! This cost Vicious the World Tag Team Titles, as Matt dropped a big elbow on T.S. just before the Brawler scored the pinfall.


Nate Merz proceeded to tell us of T.S. and Kenny's storied past in their own league, New Generation Wrestling. Mike Brown questioned PAW letting "fat, drunk...whatevers" on the air. Some don't blame him, but in this man's humble opinion, T.S. Aggressor has the best damned legdrop in the biz, and that bionic leg of his will take him places...hopefully back to PAW!

"American Studd"gave everyone their history lesson, likening his upcoming match with Takatsuka Michinoku with World War II. One could only imagine how explosive this match coud be.


PAW Canadian Title
"American Studd" John Cochrane def. Takatsuka Michinoku
This match was full of back-and-forth action, and quite a bit of use of the ring. Takatsuka got the chance to come flying off the top rope numerous times, and Cochrane hit some charging clotheslines to perfection. At one point, Takatsuka, showing some fire, went outside the ring and grabbed a steel chair. Cochrane ended up getting a hold of it, and threatening to wallop the champ with it. However, under the watchful eye of mild-mannered referee Parker Stuart, Cochrane instead set the chair up over Takatsuka and reared back on a nasty-looking Camel Chair Clutch. Takatsuka managed to power out, and started making a comeback. Just as soon as Takatsuka started firing up, Cochrane and Stuart got into it. The ref, with fire in his eyes, charged Cochrane, but instead nailed Takatsuka with a huge clothesline! The Studd, ever the opportunist, covered an unconscious Taka for the cover, which Stuart reluctantly counted.

"No Gimmicks Needed" Justin Ebner said PAW was full of pussies and that he didn't need to fight for "his" U.S. Title. He suggested that former champ Chris Ascherl got his hand "stuck up a cow's ass," which probably was the case. Trailer Park Superstar came out to debate all this, as the two argued their ways to the ring.


For the vacant PAW United States Title
"No Gimmicks Needed" Justin Ebner def. Trailer Park Superstar

Lots of brutal power moves in this back-and-forth contest. TPS was able to land the Impaler From the Trailer during the contest. At one point, TPS got tired of Ebner's shenanigans and turned his back on Ebner. TPS paid right away for his cockiness by delivering a punishing backbreaker onto TPS. He nailed his famous headbutts, before asking TPS to lock up in a test of strength. Showing why he has the tools to be the champ, he kicked TPS in the gut and nailed him with the butterfly DDT...er, No Finisher Needed, and guess what? We've got a new U.S. Champion!


Merz and Brown informed us that "Rampage" Ric Douglas, much like Nutritious earlier in the show, hadn't been to the arena all day. Brown told everyone that these scrubs need to start showing up on time. Merz sent it off to the ring in the hopes that something would go down.

Hardcore Match; winner to wrestle Atomic Dawg for the PAW World Heavyweight Title
"Rampage" Ric Douglas def. Apocalypse
Douglas hit the ring to the tune of "Natural Born Killaz," somewhat reminiscent of ECW's New Jack, except Douglas is white. Apoc charged, but Douglas side stepped and nailed Apoc with an orange construction cone. Just about everything you could think of was brought to the ring by Douglas for this contest, as Apoc laid out Douglas with cookie sheets and alarm clocks, and Douglas used a mailbox to tell Apoc "You've got mail!" At least according to Merz. Apoc put a garbage can over Douglas' head, and brought out Sweet Solar Plexus music. Douglas got out a chain and hit Apoc in the gut with it, then proceeded to wind up and "Straight outta 1946, the Bionic Elbow!" So went the call of Brown. Douglas drop-toeholded Apoc into a garbage can, but Apoc came back with the chain and hit Douglas so hard it tied him up in the ropes. Douglas was whipped into the ropes at one point, and in one of the lamest fake out manuevers, he actually did the do-see-do with the garbage can. He did manage to DDT Apoc into the trash can after that. Apoc worked over Douglas' knee for a while, then bulldogged Douglas into the trash can. Apoc then went for the announcers' table. He tried to carry it into the ring, but the strength of the Apocalypse actually shattered the table before it made its way into the ring. Apoc still used a piece and ran Douglas into it face first. Apoc went for the Bitchcake, but Douglas, playing possum, reached up and hit Apoc with the Disaster Area for the pin.

PAW World Heavyweight Title
"Rampage" Ric Douglas def. Atomic Dawg

After wrestling 12 grueling minutes, Rampage had to face a fresh Atomic Dawg. Of course, as Mike Brown pointed out, "Rampage called for this match, Rampage screeeeamed for this match, and now he's got it!" Dawg was on fire, using boots and forearms to take an early advantage. When referee Parker Stuart tried pulling off the Dawg, he was met with a boot to the gut. Dawg bodyslammed and suplexed Douglas to the mat, and even applied his dreaded Chicken Rack. Dawg then set up part of the broken table and attempted to whip Douglas into it. Rampage reversed, however, sending the Dawg shooting into the table at break-neck speed, almost literally. Rampage rained down with blows, then went for the S.O.S. Dawg countered and went for the Rabies Shot, but Douglas punched out and nailed the Disaster Area for the 1-2-3 and became the two-time, two-time, two-time PAW World Heavyweight Champion.

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