2. With right hand, stroke cat's throat until it opens its mouth (be patient). Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat off of curtains. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
4. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. This may take some time. Bring it back into the kitchen. Hold cat as before, but hold down its front paws with forearm. Drop pill into mouth.
5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick out half-dissolved pill from your hair and drop it into garbage can.
6. Get new pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter. Try to drop pill in mouth.
7. Let out a frustrated scream and cry.
8. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. Find pill. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth.
9. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).
10. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours, then repeat.
... you refer to going to the bathroom as "using the litterbox."
... you do not consider an outfit complete without some cat hair.
... you consider cat hair in your food as extra fiber.
.. you apologize when you step on a fuzzy cat toy in the dark.
... you snap your fingers and pat the sofa beside you to invite your guests to sit down.
... you sleep on one edge of the bed because the cat is sleeping in the middle looking soooo cute!
... you accidentally put your child's dinner plate on the floor.
... you spend more money on toys for your cats than on the kids or grandkids.
... you decorate your Christmas tree with dangly cat toys.
... your neighbors refer to you as "the crazy one with all the cats."
... you have more pictures of your cats than your kids in your wallet.
... you refer to your cat as your furry child.
... your parents wind up with a four-footed, furry "grandchild."
... you plan your vacation around the cat show schedule.
... you accidentally call your spouse by your cat's name!
... you set a place at the dinner table for your cat.
... you have a set of towels with "His" "Hers" and "Kitty's."
... you call home and leave a message on the answering machine for your cat.
... you have the cat meow on the outgoing message of the answering machine.
... your spouse says, "Me or the cat!," and there's no hesitation.
... your favorite friends have fleas.
.. you chose a house to buy based on it having a good location for the catbox.
... you own 17 varieties of kitty-nail-clippers.
... you are lost for conversation with non-cat people.
... you meow so well, you confuse the cats.
... you bore the neighbors with discussions on the exact nutritional differences between 9-Lives and Amore.
