Q. What was it about "J.C" that first attracted you? Was it this lack of a feminine side, as he revealed on Art's show?

A. Yes, God made "J.C." 100% a man, and I found this to be a powerful aphrodesiac.

Q. But I don't understand! Didn't he tell Art Bell that the naked human body is disgusting to him?

A. Yes, this is true, but I tried to get around this by using my feminine wiles.

Q. You mean you seduced him?

A. Oh no, "J.C." is much too principled in the Lord's ways to be seduced. He would have thought it was the Devil working to get at him through me.

Q. He does seem to have a thing about Satan.

A. Yes, and for good reason. You see, he got his first complete copy of the Bible from the Devil.

Q. What do you mean?

A. You see, "J.C." was raised in a Christian home, but they were very poor. The only religious book they could afford was the "Cliff's Notes" version of the New Testament.

Q. You mean those books that tell you all the answers, so you don't have to read the real thing.

A. Well, yes, I suppose normally that's true, but "J.C." was a bright boy, and he could tell that he wasn't getting the full story from "Cliff."

Q. From "Cliff?" Oh, you mean "J.C." thought "Cliff" wrote the Bible?

A. Well, you can understand his confusion. I mean, "Cliff" and "Christ" are similar names.

Q. So how did all this get worked out in the end?

A. Well, you see, my real last name is also Cliff. So when "J.C." first met me, he asked me if I would autograph his Bible for him.

Q. Poor guy, no wonder he seems confused sometimes.

A. Oh no, he is usually right about things. You see, I offered to take his copy of Cliff's Notes, and exchange it for a real Bible.

Q. But didn't you just say that the Devil gave him his first complete Bible?

A. That's right, now you've got the story straight.

Q. You mean to tell me that you're Satan? I can't believe that "J.C." would cavort with the Devil!

A. You're right. "J.C." saw right through me. Nothing ever happened between us--I'm a fraud.

Q. I guess we're lucky to have someone as strong as "J.C.," to stop something as strong as you.

A. Oh well, "J.C." won't be around forever. Unless--say, I never did ask him, what his initials "J.C." stand for, anyway!